Page 27 of Switch
“And?”
“Jesus, I don’t know.Random stuff.He likes romantic comedies and animal documentaries.He has a pet cockatoo.His favorite food is pizza.”
After an uncomfortable pause where I can still feel Daniel staring at me, I add, “Did you know zebras aren’t just pretty horses?They’re more aggressive.Sometimes they even kill lions.”
“Hmm” is my friend’s only reply.
“Well.I thought it was interesting.”If PJ telling me on a video call while shirtless was also interesting, that doesn’t need to be mentioned.
We trail quietly past a wall of up-and-coming local artists, past an enlarged photograph of a hummingbird, a charcoal sketch of a mansion perched on a rocky hillside, and a painting that appears to depict a child crying on a snow-covered beach.I pretend to contemplate another with a woman in a mourning dress standing at the center of a labyrinth.I think I know how she feels.
All the while, my friend’s narrowed eyes are still focused on the side of my face.
“Okay, what?”I finally ask.“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”
He gives me a smile that’s all warmth and no teeth.“And?”
Oh my fucking God.I clench my jaw and fists, trying to hold it all in.The emotions, the frustration, and the truth he somehow senses and is trying to drag out of me.My body tenses with my determination, my refusal to let him win.
And then I blurt it out anyway.
“Sometimes when I’m having trouble sleeping, he calls me on video and forces me to jerk off.Then he talks to me until I’m tired.”
Daniel’s smile tells me he’s gotten what he was after, as if I didn’t already know.
Or maybe not, because he leans closer and murmurs, “He forces you?”
“Well.Of course not.We’re on the phone.He just…tells me to.”Sometimes he only asks, but that’s all it takes.
“And you do it because…?”
“Because I like it when he tells me what to do.”The admission sets my face on fire.My blood is rushing south just thinking about it.“Oh my God.”I suck in a deep, slow breath and let it out.“What are you, some kind of wizard?”
I never knew a laugh could sound smug, but somehow my friend has managed it.“But you’re only friends?”
There’s not much for me to say, because I know how ridiculous this all sounds.“He’s twenty-four, Daniel.Neither of us is in the right place for a relationship.We’ve agreed.”
“So when are you seeing him again?”
This time, I’m the one who rolls their eyes.“He said he’d come to my brother’s end-of-summer barbecue.For moral support.”
“As a friend.”
“Yes.”I manage to spit the word through my teeth.
He’s laughing again.“I didn’t realize you were this much of a masochist.”
“I’m not.”
My phone alerts me to an incoming message.It’s from PJ, so I can’t stop myself from looking.As soon as I see it, though, I wish I hadn’t.It’s a photo of PJ in a dark suit, wearing a blue button-up shirt that sets off his eyes.The shirt is unbuttoned at the throat, and there is no tie.He looks absolutely gorgeous.
It’s the caption, though, that gets me.Dinner date tonight.Do I look okay?
An ugly voice in my head suggests that I lie.Or tell him to cancel.Beg, even.Let him know if he wants to have dinner somewhere, my door is open.I can make him feel better than whoever he’s going out with.Better yet, I could show up at his date tonight.“accidentally” bump into him there.
Only I wasn’t lying when I told Daniel I didn’t think either of us is in the right place for a relationship.
“Not a masochist?Now I know why your eyes are brown.You’re completely full of shit.”
