Page 102 of Switch
Another thing I don’t recommend?Hospital stays.
“Here’s your lunch, honey.”A lady slides a tray across the table to me.I hold a hand up before she turns to go.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t eat animal products.”
“I don’t understand.”She glances down at the tray and then back at me.They haven’t approved me for solid foods yet, so it’s basically apple juice, lime Jell-O, and a soup mug with what I’m pretty sure is beef broth.It was last time.
“Knock-knock.”My nurse, a no-nonsense redhead named Shelle, comes bustling in.I want to be clear that when she says “Knock-knock,” she doesn’t actually, you know, knock.She just says it.Why do people do that?
She proceeds to stick a blood pressure cuff on me while the lady who delivered my “meal” looks on, confused.My brain is still fuzzy, and I’m not sure how to explain.
I take the apple juice off the tray she gave me and put it on the weird little table that goes over my bed.“I’ll drink the apple juice,” I tell her.“But I’m sorry, I won’t eat the rest of it.”
Shelle clucks her tongue.“I put it in your dietary request, honey.They’re so busy down there in the cafeteria sometimes the orders don’t get noticed.”
Tray Lady picks up the lime Jell-O.“What’s wrong with this?”
“It’s made with gelatin,” I explain as apologetically as I can.I’ve learned the hard way that people get annoyed when they have to go out of their way.“Gelatin is made from animal bones.Sometimes fish.I don’t eat it.”
She doesn’t look like she believes me, but she shrugs and takes the tray with her.Great.Now I’ve annoyed her.I don’t like annoying people.
My stomach growls.Man, what I wouldn’t give for a peanut butter sandwich right now.
“Once the doc is certain you’re able to hold food down, we can get a revised order,” Patty reassures me as she leaves.
Brennan laughs, though I don’t know what he’s amused by.“You sure are a piece of work, kid.”He chuckles.“Not afraid to run through a field while three guys with guns are chasing you, but afraid to piss off the five-foot-nothing lady who gave you the wrong dinner.”
I don’t exactly intimidate anyone, especially not the guy who runs Belle Argo’s underground.Still, I do my best anyway to give him an intimidating glare.
“Well, it’s probably not her fault the kitchen didn’t give her the right order, and besides, do you know what food service workers do if you piss them off?They spit in your food.”
I whisper that last part in case she happens to be nearby still.She might get offended, and then I’ll have caused the exact thing I was trying to avoid.
PJ, who got discharged yesterday, is leaning against the wall across from me.He’s holding hands with Mr.Monroe, who teaches our lit class, of all weird things.
“As someone who’s worked in and around campus dining halls for the last three years, I can confirm.Knew a guy who got fired for it.”
“See?”I point at Brennan.“Disgusting.”
Thinking about it makes me shudder.Brennan laughs again.I can guess what he’s thinking.How can I be so bothered by germs and into all the kinky stuff I talk about?Well, I’m not a psychologist, so I don’t know.
A couple of years ago I stumbled on something that opened up my eyes, and since then I’ve been on a quest to learn about it all.I’m still a virgin, but I’m working on that.Or trying to.
It’s all very fascinating, even the stuff that I wouldn’t personally want to try.Which is why I’m having Brennan help me auction off my virginity.
It’s true that I need the money.The sooner I can move away from Belle Argo, the better.If a rich dude who’s into all sorts of freaky stuff, like tying me up and covering me with candle wax, bids on me, I’m down.Especially if I’m getting paid for it.But everyone’s got a hard limit, and I do not like spit.
No.Nope.
“Knock-knock.”Shelle pokes her head in again.“Great news.Someone was supposed to tell you on the early shift, but we managed to get hold of your father.Just got the word he’s on his way in.”
Over to my right, Adam and Troy, two other escorts who always seem to be attached at the hip, look up from the weird game they’re playing with a ball of paper.
“I thought your parents were dead,” Adam says.
“They are,” My brain is still running at half speed, but I finally realize what Nurse Shelle is talking about.
Oh.Nooo.
