Page 63 of Blackmail
“Mmph. Can’t even get excited about that right now.” I sway slightly in his arms.
“Time to get you back to bed.”
I manage to put up the barest of protests, which does nothing whatsoever. He makes me swallow the pills from the hospital and then returns me to our bed. Not our bed but—whatever. There’s a bit of time when he seems to be on the phone, but he stays close to me.
The storm picks up outside. The sky darkens and the heavy sound of wind and rain beating the windows makes me secretly glad I’m not at home alone. My apartment really is rickety. The shaking subsides, and I go in and out of consciousness, but I start to feel a bit better.
Sebastian’s fingers wander across my back. “Tell me about these scars.”
My tattoo covers them, but anyone close enough can feel them. A few clients have asked, but I never answer.
“You don’t have to tell me, but you need to tell me if you’re okay after what we’ve done. They said at the hospital that you’d previously had broken ribs and a broken arm. These scars aren’t what you get from an accident. I may be an asshole, but I don’t wish to harm you or add to your trauma.”
“We already had this conversation. I enjoyed what we did just fine. If I hadn’t, I would have told you to stop.”
“Even if you were abused as a child?”
I suck in a breath and get racked by a shiver that has nothing to do with my body temperature. For what I say next, I can only blame exhaustion.
“Look, I already told you my family was conservative and religious. My father didn’t believe in sparing the rod. I think I said something about getting whipped if I used swear words. That wasn’t an exaggeration. I know it’s why I talk the way I do now. I need to remind myself that I’m in control and nobody can tell me what to say anymore. Or what I can do with my body. Also, I learned a lot about pop culture by watching movies after I left. Samuel L. Jackson is the fucking best.”
“Of course.” He says it with a smile, then starts running his fingers through my hair so gently it doesn’t even hurt.
Fuck, I might be falling in love.
“You were saying?”
Nothing about love. “Right. Well. I’ve asked myself plenty of times if the fact that I like rough sex is because of my father or despite him. Since I have no idea, I’ve chosen to go with the latter because it’s the one that makes me feel the least icky.”
I swallow hard and rub away the ache in my chest. Just the flu. Nothing to do with being beaten by parents who were supposed to love me.
I yawn, feeling sleepy again. “Listen, I didn’t have a way to escape my father’s anger when I was younger. What you and I did together was my choice. And it was new for me too. Different from just letting Elijah tie me up and humiliate me a little. I didn’t know I liked those games until you and I were in the middle of playing them. You don’t need to worry. It was good for me. I’m not about to report you to the police or anything.”
“I don’t give a shit about the police. I give a shit about not traumatizing the person I’m sleeping with.”
You didn’t. I’m a little fucked up about how much I liked it, as in nobody has ever made me feel as good as he has, and I can’t afford the warm and fuzzy feelings he gave me. That’s not something I’m going to say to him. He may not exactly be a client, but he’s sort of—wait.
“You said something about Brennan and my boyfriend experience. How did you know about that?”
What the hell has been going on while I was unconscious?
“I contacted Brennan when I was driving us to this hotel.”
“When you were kidnapping me.”
I’m not mad. Even if I had the energy to be, I’m sort of oddly touched that he wanted to take care of me, and maybe that’s fucked up, but here we are.
“When I was driving you inland, so you’d be safe from the hurricane.”
“Whatever.”
“I called the assisted living facility, but they were closed, so I left a message. Then I called Brennan because I didn’t know who else to call. I didn’t know if you had family.”
“Not really. Not anymore. Brennan’s kind of the closest thing I’ve got. He’s sort of like an uncle, I guess, except he’d be the pervy uncle who fucked his nephew, so maybe never mind.”
Sebastian clenches his jaw. “We’ll talk more about that when you’re feeling better. All you need to know for now is that I agreed to pay for your previously booked boyfriend experience, plus a hefty fee for Brennan’s inconvenience.”
Another yawn. “That was stupid. You paid for a boyfriend experience, and I’m too sick even to have sex. And you’re stuck here having to take care of me.”
