Page 19 of Blackmail
Then it gets worse.
“I made a mistake.”
Just like that, something inside me feels like it’s breaking.
Chapter
Eight
SEBASTIAN
Simon’s limp in my arms, looking so wrecked, so perfectly debauched, I want to take a picture of him and save this memory forever. I’ve never seen anything hotter than his hair in a mess, his wet lashes, and his swollen lips.
Looking at him, at the aftereffects of what I did to him, I can barely breathe. I didn’t realize how much I needed this until I finally had it.
The tears. The marks. The swollen lips. I can’t get past those lips, knowing they’re swollen and bee-stung because of me. Then there's the skin on his ass, which I can’t see right now, but I know is bright red, thanks to my hand.
I’m high from how good it felt to let myself off the leash for the first time. But also disappointed and pissed off. Before, I didn’t know what I was missing, not even after that young man who had been “gifted” to me at my friend’s club. I do now.
My hand comes to my mouth, which is when I remember there’s still cum on my fingers. For someone who prides himself on always being in control, the ride I’m on right now excites and terrifies me.
I keep my arm around him, but I step back to give us both some breathing room. Before we go any further, there are things we need to discuss.
“I made a mistake.”
Simon’s face changes. His sleepy-looking eyes go wide and then narrow rapidly, and his jaw firms. I’m once again staring at the suspicious man who argued with me in front of the restaurant earlier.
He seems to realize I’ve still got my arms around him all at once. He shoves me with both hands, making me stumble. I may have size on him, but he’s strong.
“A mistake because you dirtied yourself by fucking a whore? Right. I get it.” He busies himself gathering his clothing. His movements are jerky and stiff, and there is nothing like his easy and unconcerned manner when he was getting dressed after I caught him with Tony.
“Simon, stop. That’s not what I meant.”
His neck flushes scarlet as he jams a foot into his pants. “You know, I’ve had plenty of guys tell me they ‘don’t usually do this sort of thing,’ but then they go ahead and call back for round two. And I’ve never let anyone make me feel shitty about what I do, but boy, you’ve got some real skills in that department. I know you’ve got your champagne divorce problems and all, so don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone I was here. Consider it a pity fuck, given all the trauma you’ve been through.”
Dammit. Here I was concerned about harming him physically. My careless words seem to have done something worse. I think I’d rather wrestle a porcupine than have this conversation.
“Stop,” I say again. “That isn’t at all what I meant. Just listen.”
He gets his other foot tangled in the leg of the pants and topples sideways. I reach out and grab him before he can hit the front door.
“Simon. Please.”
His struggling stops. “Fine. I’m listening.”
It’s probably because he can’t get his clothes on fast enough, but I’ll take it.
His hands drop, and he stands before me with one leg in his slacks and one leg out, his still-damp shirt balled in one fist, and his chest heaving as if he’s just had a hard workout. I’d be bleeding on the floor right now if looks could kill.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so turned on.
I reach forward and run a hand over his shoulder and down his arm. Slowly. After all, he’s skittish.
“This is about me. When I married Tony, we were both eighteen. We had a friends-with-benefits relationship, which I thought was satisfactory. Clearly it wasn’t since he had no qualms about cheating, and I had none about telling him to leave when he did. I knew I enjoyed rougher play in bed, and we tried to compromise. It didn’t go well. The mistake…” I take a breath.
He doesn’t say anything, but the anger on his face softens. So I continue.
“I didn’t realize what I was missing. Not entirely. And I didn’t mean to be so rough with you. We didn’t discuss limits or a safe word. If you walked into a police station right now, they’d want to know who assaulted you. I…took things too far.”
