Page 27 of Tinsel & Timber
I let myself get so caught up in the moment that I forgot all about protecting us both.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just panicked a little. I’ve never…”
I shake my head and kiss her cheek, hoping to reassure her. “Don’t ever apologize. I’ve never gone bare either.”
“I had a check up before I moved. But I have PCOS. My periods are unpredictable at best, so I never really know when I’m ovulating. I can’t do birth control pills because the hormones kinda make me crazier,” she confesses with a sniffle. “Since I haven’t been in a relationship in a while, it wasn’t a big deal at the time.”
I won’t pretend that I know a lot about PCOS but it’s not the first time I’ve heard of it. I’ll be learning all I can about it now though.
“Last physical was when I retired, but I haven’t been with anyone since before that, actually.” Ilet out a gruff laugh. “Maybe we should have talked about all of thisbeforeI cuffed you to the bedframe.”
Stray tears roll down her face. “No! I’m sorry. I totally hate to be a downer. It’s just…” Mara takes a deep breath. “I hate talking about it. Doctors told me years ago that I might never be able to have children or it might take a lot of intervention.”
Totally forgetting about my own needs, I move so that I’m in a seated position and pull Mara into my lap to cradle her. “I am so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry.”
“Ugh. This is all your fault.” She fakes a laugh. “All this sex has made me emotional.”
I kiss the top of her head. “They do say orgasms are great for triggering emotional releases.”
We both fall silent for a beat. Until I find the courage to ask, “Do you want kids?”
Mara sniffles and hides her face from me. “Years ago? Yeah. Sure. Honestly, I had one doctor who made it seem so urgent that I actually pursued artificial insemination and had accepted that I was going to be a single mom by choice. But after five heart wrenching cycles, I came to terms with the fact that maybe it wasn’t in the cards for me. I think that might also be why this house is so important to me. It’s a legacy I can leave behind, ya know?”
“Yeah. There is a lot of history in this house. I’m sure you’ve left your legacy behind in every place you’ve remodeled, too.”
She wipes her eyes and finally looks up at me. “What about you? Since we’re havingthisconversation now.”
“I never really thought about it, to be honest. None of my past…relationships got that far that I even considered really settling down and creating a family. I’ve got plenty of Army buddies who have kids that call me Uncle Graham and I think that’s enough for me.”
“What if I changed my mind and decided I wanted to try? Maybe one more time. If I decidedyouwere the right person to have that kind of life with?”
Her question hits me right in the chest and nearly knocks the breath out of me. But the answer is simple. “If you want to try again, I’d move heaven and earth to try to make it happen. If you want to adopt a child, or half a dozen children, we can do that too.”
“And if I didn’t change my mind?”
“Then I’d be okay growing old, just the two of us.”
“I’d really like a dog though. And maybe a cat or two.”
This time I throw my head back and laugh. “I can live with that.”
Mara wraps her arms around my neck and leans up to kiss me. “I’m beginning to wonder if you’re too good to be true, Graham Whitlock.”
“I could say the same about you.”
She wiggles in my lap and, of course, my dickimmediately takes notice. “If you don’t mind, I’d like you to get that condom and fuck me now.”
It doesn’t take me long at all to have Mara flat on her back.
She may want me tofuckher, but this time, I need to go slow. To makeloveto her and make sure she knows just how Goddamn much she means to me, even if I can’t quite find the words to tell her,yet.
By late afternoon, we’ve managed to find our way out of the bedroom. Mara feeds me lunch like it’s her duty, and then we head outside to finish up some work on the front porch.
We’re busy sanding when I catch her staring at me with a playful grin on her face.
“What?” I ask, turning off my sander and pushing the safety glasses onto the top of my head.
She crooks her finger, calling me to her. Tugging me closer by my belt loops, she looks up at the porch ceiling and back to me. “I think I figured out whatmysafe word should be.”
