Page 51 of Gift of You
I brooded.I perseverated. I hemmed and hawed. I stomped upstairs for lunch, hoping to clear my head. And I stomped right back down feeling just as restless and agitated. At four o’clock, Stevie sent me back upstairs for the rest of the day, insisting I was “annoying the shit out of her.” I didn’t doubt it. I was annoying the shit out of myself.
I thought about heading down to the studio to finish recording the audiobook. I’d fallen behind since I hadn’t been in the headspace to work on it last night. Unfortunately, I didn’t think tonight was going to be any better.
I fed Ernie early. I turned on the TV but couldn’t commit to watching anything. I opened the refrigerator only to shut it again without pulling anything out. I was hungry but didn’t have an appetite. I was exhausted but unable to nap. I was everything and nothing all at once.
I fucking missed him.
This apartment was too empty, too quiet without his constant chatter and bright laughter. Just like my bed had been too empty last night. I’d tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable without his warmth next to me. And when I’d finally gotten up this morning, there’d been no one to share a shower or breakfast with. And here I was, hours later, feeling just as lonely, just asemptywithout him.
Could I do it? Could I do what Stevie suggested and pursue a relationship with him? Could I manage the hassle of traveling into the city? Of late-night phone calls and conversations through text, only seeing each other on weekends and the odd day off?
Did I want to live with the alternative?
Just after five, I stomped back downstairs into the bookshop, hollering for Stevie as if the building was on fire.
“Oh my god, what are you yelling about?” She came out from the small storeroom at the back of the shop.
“I need your help.”
35
LOUIS
“Louis, so good to see you!”Jesse took my coat, handing it off to his husband to hang up in the closet, then turned his attention back to me. He took one look at me and placed his palm on his chest. “Oh my god, what’s wrong?” Had I not been a miserable wreck, I might have laughed at the speed with which his tone switched from friendly greeting to dramatic concern.
Iwasa miserable wreck, though. So much so, that his expression of concern had my lip wobbling and my eyes filling with tears.Goddammit. Not again.Jesse’s shrewd eyes didn’t miss a thing. “Babes, come with me.” He wrapped a black-cashmere-covered arm around my shoulder and began pulling me further into the house. “Salvy, get Louis a drink, will you? We’ll be in my office.”
“What about our other guests?”
“They’ll be fine. It’s not like we invited strangers who’ve never been here. Louis is obviously having a crisis.”
“I’m not having a crisis. I’m fine.” I was definitely having a crisis and wasn’t anywhere close to being fine. “Go see to your guests.”
I tried to shrug out of his grip, but he was stronger than he looked for a millennial twink. “Nonsense.” He steered me to the back of the house, pointing me toward the leather couch inside his home office. Jesse was a marketing exec for a very successful dating app and worked from home three days a week. We’d actually met using the app but had become friends after realizing there wasn’t any chemistry between us. He’d met Salvador not long after that, and they’d been together ever since.
“Spill it. What’s got you looking like someone just abducted your brand-new puppy?”
Despite myself, I chuckled. “You’ve got such a way with words.”
Salvy came in carrying a vodka martini, extra dirty. “Okay, Benny’s going to answer the door if anyone shows up. Oh, shit.” Salvy pulled up short when he caught sight of me. “Jesse wasn’t kidding. What happened?”
I accepted the martini from Jesse and took a healthy gulp. The alcohol burned, causing my eyes to water, but I took another sip anyway. Heading into the new year completely blitzed sounded like a fantastic plan. “Thanks. You really know how to make a guy feel attractive.”
“Stop deflecting.” Jesse’s tone was bossy as fuck, but he took my hand in his and gave me his full attention. Comparatively speaking, Jesse made my flair for drama look sedate, but beneath the theatrics he was rock solid. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.
I took a shaky breath, then exhaled.
“I met a guy.”
The couple exchanged looks. “Well, yeah,” Salvy said. “We kind of assumed...”
“He’s nothing like any of the guys I’ve ever dated. He’s...” I tried to think of the best way to describe him without setting off the tears all over again. I’d cried myself to sleep last night andhad two more crying jags today. I was so very tired of the tears. “He’s built like a lumberjack. Dresses like one too. He’s gruff and grumbly, but he has a heart of gold.”
“Yummy,” Jesse said. “So what happened?”
“I fell for him. Like, really hard.”
Salvy nodded sympathetically. “And he didn’t feel the same way?”
