Page 49 of Gift of You
I snorted. “You don’t think that might scare him away?”
“It might. But what if he feels exactly the same way? What if he’s afraid of scaringyouaway? One of you has to make a move.”
Fuck her and her logic. “Why can’t he do it? Why does it have to be me?” I knew I sounded like a petulant teenager, but I was well past caring at this point.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lou. You’ve never been afraid to go after what you want. Why start now?”
My heart performed a long, slow roll, then settled somewhere in the vicinity of my stomach. “Nothing’s ever mattered this much before,” I whispered.
Natalie was quiet a moment, sitting in the silence with me. When she spoke again, her voice was gentle. “He must be pretty special. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so upset over a guy before.”
“He’s gruff and grumbly, wears flannel and denim like it’s his uniform and still somehow manages to make it look sexy. He’d rather walk across hot coals than make small talk. And he’s never been with a man before.”
“Never? You said in your texts that he was having a bi-awakening, but he never even experimented? Like in college or something?”
“Nope. Never even had an inkling that he might be into guys.” I blew out a breath, thinking about the way he’d looked at me as he’d slowly pressed inside my body just twenty-four hours ago. My hole twinged at the memory. “I don’t know, Nat. Maybe I was just an experiment to him.”
“Do you really think that’s the case?”
I swiped off my glasses, setting them on the end table and pinching the bridge of my nose. A headache was building behind my eyes. “I don’t know what to think anymore, Nat. My heart’s too tangled up to be objective about any of this.”
“That’s valid. Why don’t you draw yourself a bath? Give yourself a good soak, then try to get some sleep. Perhaps you’ll find a better perspective in the morning.”
I’d been considering getting blind drunk, but her suggestion was probably healthier. “Yeah, maybe. Thanks for listening, sis.”
“You know I’m always here for you. I love you, Lou.”
My heart squeezed at the nickname. Nat had given it to me first, but Matty’d been the last one to use it.
“I love you too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Please do.”
I disconnected the call then did as she suggested, drawing a bath and settling in for a soak accompanied by a glass of wine. Forty-five minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom feeling just as lonely and empty as I had before, but at least the headache had receded and the tears had dried up.
I contemplated heating up something for dinner, but wasn’t feeling hungry, so I decided to call it an early night, climbing into bed just after eight o’clock. And just when I thought I couldn’t possibly cry any more, the sight of my big empty king-sized bed had the tears falling all over again.
34
MATTHEW
December 31
“Turn that shit down,”I hollered at Stevie from the top of the stairs that led from my apartment into the bookstore. I slammed the door shut behind me, then clomped the rest of the way down, glaring at her once I got to the bottom. She was standing behind the counter, arms folded across her chest, hair pulled into two low ponytails, one black and the other magenta. The ring in her eyebrow glinted as she raised it pointedly.
“Go back up those stairs and try again.”
“This ismystore,” I growled.
“You’re right. It is. And it’s about to find itself with one less employee if you keep up that attitude.”
I huffed and stomped over to the sound system behind the counter and turned down the volume. “It’s not unreasonable to expect the music to be set at a more moderate volume.”
“It’s also not unreasonable to expect you to refrain from yelling at me.”
Her words had me deflating and the anger rushed out of me, leaving guilt in its wake. The shop didn’t open for another halfhour and her music really hadn’t beenthatloud. I was being an asshole and it wasn’t her fault. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
Her expression softened, morphing into something that looked suspiciously like pity. I turned away, making myself busy reorganizing the sticker display that didn’t actually need reorganizing.
