Page 76 of Give In To Love
Warmth spread through me at his concern. He always made sure to check in with me, always made sure my needs were met. As someone who’d spent most of his life feeling invisible, his ability to see me—no, hischoiceto alwayslookfor me—was everything.
“Good. I feel really,reallygood.”
39
TJ
We madeit to four of the rental properties on his list before being forced to call it a day. Two of the remaining rentals were apartments whose offices had closed for the day, and the last one’s property manager no-showed. I could tell Jimmy was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all, so I suggested we grab a bite to eat at Arlo’s Bar and Grill.
We were seated at a booth along the side wall, and after ordering burgers and fries, Jimmy surprised me by pulling my hand into his. After the kiss in his car, we’d been focused on getting to as many properties as we could, so there hadn’t been time to analyze any of what happened, but I couldn’t help but think about it now.
I’d barreled through life, not giving a lot of thought to the next step. Even coming home to Astaire had been a spontaneous decision. And the sub gig I’d started this week had practically fallen into my lap. But this was Jimmy. He was more important to me than almost anything else in my life. If I was going to keep him this time, I needed to proceed with caution. He’d been in a shitty relationship and deserved to be handled with care.
“Can we talk about what you said earlier? About wanting me?”
He blushed. “I suppose we should.”
“I haven’t been shy about my feelings for you.”
“You’ve never been shy about anything.”
I laughed, some of the tension easing between us. “I care about you, sunshine. I never stopped. And I want you to know that I’m scared too. I’m scared I’ll push too hard or too fast. I’m scared I’ll lose you again.”
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
Our server stopped by, dropping off a couple of sodas. I took the sleeve off the straw, popped it into my Coke, and took a sip before continuing, “So what I need to know is… What do you want? From me? From us? I’m invested in making this work, but I need you to lead the way. I want to respect your need to stand on your own after what you’ve dealt with for the last year, but that means you have to call the shots. You have to tell me if I’m moving too fast or coming on too strong. I need—” I stopped abruptly. “What? What’s this?” I reached across the table and thumbed at the tear slipping down one cheek.
He took a breath, looking up at the ceiling and blinking rapidly before returning those chocolate-brown eyes to mine. “You’re just the only person I’ve ever met who understands so completely who I am and what I need. And not only do you see it, but you value it. You don’t treat my anxiety like it’s an annoyance. You don’t act like my insecurities are somehow a reflection on you. You…you make me feel like I matter.”
Unable to stand the distance between us, I slipped out of my side of the booth and scooted around to sit next to him. I pulled him into my arms and held him, whispering in his hair as the tears fell. I hated that asshole he’d dated and anyone else who’d ever made him feel like he was anything less than the beautiful person that he was. “You do matter, sunshine. You’re everything to me.”
He pulled his head back so he could look at me, as if trying to ascertain the sincerity of my words. I smoothed a hand down his cheek, swiping at the moisture there. He turned his face into my hand and kissed my palm, then leaned up and pressed another kiss to my lips, soft and sweet. “I want us to date. I want to spend time with you and your family and hear about your Broadway adventures. I want us to hold hands and kiss and make out like teenagers. I want to introduce you to Sammy. I want you to be my boyfriend.”
Our server came by again, this time holding our food and looking a little awkward about interrupting us. I’d forgotten we were in a public space. Jimmy and I pulled apart, though I remained on the same side of the table while the server dropped off our food and left us alone again. I watched as Jimmy snagged a fry, dipped it in ranch, and popped it into his mouth.
Everything he’d said sounded too good to be true. It was exactly what I wanted. But I had to be sure. “I want all of those things, sunshine. I’d be honored to be your boyfriend. I just want to make sure it’s not too much too fast.”
“Honestly, it probably is. But I also don’t want fear to get in the way of the things I want. I’m tired of holding myself back. So maybe, like, we’re boyfriends, but we also take it one day at a time?”
“Okay,boyfriend, what do you want to do after this?”
He thought about it for a moment, nibbling on another fry. “How about game night with Gram?”
I smiled wide, happiness settling over me like a thick blanket. “I think that sounds perfect.”
40
JIMMY
TJ sentme flowers on Monday. Miranda, one of our school secretaries, made a fuss when she delivered them to the library, which, in turn, sent a gaggle of seventh-grade girls into hysterics as they tried to suss out who had sent them. My cheeks had burned, but I’d held fast to my commitment to keep our relationship private for now. It wasn’t so much that we wanted it to be some big secret. It was just that we knew the kids would make a big deal out of it, and it would become a distraction. We figured it would get out eventually, but for now, we did our best to keep it quiet.
That didn’t stop TJ from holding my hand under the table at lunch on Tuesday or bringing me a vanilla milkshake on Wednesday. He’d run by Sherry’s Soft-Serv when he changed buildings and surprised me at lunch.
We’d seen each other outside of school as well. Monday, he’d gone with me to check out the rest of the properties on my list. Unfortunately, I still hadn’t settled on one. Tuesday, he followed me into the city for dinner. I cooked for him at my apartment, and then we spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch watchingThe Princess Bride.
At the end of the movie, he kissed me deeply but pulled away before things could get too heavy. I wasn’t sure if I appreciated him being a gentleman and not wanting to rush me or if I would have preferred he ravaged me and fuck the consequences. I was leaning toward the latter.
Wednesday and Thursday were his nights at the studio, but on Friday, we made plans to see a movie. Exhausted from a full week of teaching, TJ was asleep in the reclining seat ten minutes after the movie started. We grabbed dinner after, then headed our separate ways. He needed to be at the studio early on Saturday morning while I had plans to go back and see a couple of the rentals again.
