Page 75 of Give In To Love
He placed a hand on my thigh. I could feel the warmth of it through the denim of my jeans. “She cares about you. She cared about you before we even met, when you and Sammy rented from her as kids. Especially after she found out what a piece of shit your mother was.” He moved his hand to my shoulder, squeezing gently so I’d finally look at him. “We don’t have to look at her properties though. She’d understand.”
“I don’t know why it bothers me so much.” I blew out a breath, running my fingers through my hair. “Actually, yes, I do. I’ve always been a passive participant in my life, and it got even worse when I dated Steven. I don’t wanna do that anymore. I want to have a choice. I want to have a say. I want to make my own decisions, even if it means I make mistakes.”
“I get that.”
I turned to look at him. “I know Gram means well. But it just feels like another instance of someone else pushing their agenda on me.”
“Gram doesn’t have any agenda here.”
“I know that rationally. But I can’t get over thisfeeling.”
“Okay. Then we don’t visit her properties.”
“I don’t want to offend her.”
He chuckled. “She’s not going to be offended. I promise.”
I looked down, feeling a little sheepish. I always felt this way after an outburst. Like I should have better control over my emotions as a grown-ass adult. “I’m sorry, I blew up. It really is a nice offer.”
“It’s okay. Do you still want to look at those other properties on your list?”
“I think I have to. I’ve got less than two weeks before I have to renew my lease or get out, and I’d really like to put that part of my life behind me.” I turned to look at him. “You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because I blew up just now? And because I’m not taking Gram up on her offer?”
“You know you’re allowed to have feelings, right? Even big, messy ones?”
“It’s annoying.”
“It’shuman. And if I’m being honest, it’s nice to see. I don’t want you to hold back, sunshine. Even when you think what you have to say is something I won’t want to hear. Maybe especially then.”
“What if what I really want is you?”
My eyes widened. I hadn’t meant to say that. Hadn’t even known it was going to come out of my mouth until it was already out there. We froze, eyes locked on each other, with only the sound of our breathing between us.
“Do you mean it?” he breathed, voice barely a whisper. Like he was afraid that if he spoke too loud, it would somehow burst the bubble between us.
I nodded, but then I said, “I’m scared.”
“Of me?”
“Of losing myself. Of falling for you and losing you again. And at the same time, of never ever feeling again the way I feel when I’m with you. I’m scared of moving forward. And I’m scared of standing still.”
A raindrop hit the windshield. And then another. And then the clouds burst and it was a percussive explosion of raindrops hitting the roof of the car.
“I can’t make the choice for you, sunshine. But if you want me, I’m yours for the taking. All you have to do is come and get it.”
I took a breath. And then another. Our eyes were locked. My palms were sweaty, and I thought my heart was about to beat right out of my chest.
And then I launched myself at him.
My lips found his in a clumsy kiss, constrained as we were by the tight confines of my car, but it didn’t matter. He gripped my face, holding me in place as I plunged my tongue into his mouth. He tasted like comfort. He tasted like new beginnings and fresh starts. He tasted like home.
A crack of thunder rent the air, and we jumped apart like a couple of teenagers caught making out in somebody’s basement. He brushed a thumb across my cheek, his blue eyes burning with intensity.
“How do you feel?”
