Page 68 of Give In To Love
“I mean, if you need to get back, I don’t want to keep you.”
I pulled out my phone and texted my aunt to see if she could check on Gram in the morning. Being a night owl, she replied right away. “Aunt Lydia’s going to check on Gram in the morning.” Jimmy’s shoulders slumped in relief. “Now, do you want to go to bed? Or should we put onThe Breakfast Club?”
“The Breakfast Club.”
34
JIMMY
We watchedThe Breakfast Cluband then startedDirty Dancing,but about the time Baby declared she’d carried a watermelon, my eyes refused to stay open any longer, and I admitted defeat and turned the movie off. TJ had been a perfect gentleman, sitting on the other end of the couch, keeping a respectable distance between us. I’d felt conflicted about that, both wanting the comfort of his touch and knowing I wasn’t ready for that yet. He’d made it clear he wanted me back whenever I was ready, and I honestly didn’t know what to do with that information. It felt too big to contemplate right now. So I shoved it aside, avoiding thoughts of it entirely.
No matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise, TJ insisted on sleeping on the couch. He refused to let me give up the bed, insisting that after the rough evening I’d had, I needed a good night’s sleep more than he did. After pulling out some blankets and a pillow for him, he’d brushed a kiss over the top of my head and we’d retreated to our separate spaces. I’d thought I’d have a hard time falling asleep after the events of the evening, but my brain had decided sleep was the best escape, and I crashed hard, not waking up until nearly ten a.m.
Now, lying in bed with Lucy curled up at my side, I heard the shower running. While listening to the water beat against the fiberglass on the other side of my bedroom wall, my brain decided I’d had enough escape, and now would be an excellent time to examine everything that had transpired yesterday.
I thought about the contrast between the two men I’d dealt with the day before. The one who’d made a scene, who’d lied and deflected, and when that hadn’t worked, had become physically aggressive. I could feel the bruises on my lower back where the counter had dug in, but I wasn’t sure I had the strength to actually look at them.
And then there was the man currently in my shower. The one who’d dropped everything to be here, despite the fact we’d only recently spoken for the first time in five years. He’d been gentle and respectful. He’d listened and comforted. He’d taken care of me while ensuring he didn’t cross any boundaries.
And he’d said I could be his whenever I was ready.
How could that be? We didn’t know each other anymore, were practically strangers after five years with no contact.You do know him, though, don’t you?Everything he’d done and said last night was just like the TJ I’d fallen in love with five years ago.
I sighed, rolling to my other side and dislodging Lucy in the process. He gave a disgruntled meow, then moved to the foot of the bed and began bathing while I resumed my contemplation of the TJ situation.
Maybe I knew him. Maybe he hadn’t changed much in the last five years. But I had. And he didn’t know who I’d become at all. He didn’t know the guy who was sassy with everyone else but diminished himself for his boyfriend. Who sacrificed his own needs and desires because it was easier than having another fight. Who pretended to like trivia nights and drag brunches and large social gatherings with people who cared more for their own appearance than for the hearts and minds of the people around them.Because keeping the peace is preferable to being told you’re weird, a nerd, or annoying.
TJ didn’t know that side of me, and I didn’t want him to. When he’d met me, I’d been terribly shy and insecure. And as we’d dated, I’d found my self-confidence. Or at least, I’d begun to. It was something I’d continued to work on after he left.
And it had been hard. Hard to push back against the lies I’d been told by my own mother and the little voices of doubt that whispered in my mind after she left. TJ had helped. He’d been so good at showing me all the ways they were wrong. And without him there, I’d had to work twice as hard to combat them. In many ways, I’d been successful. I’d tapped into my sassy side. I’d found the confidence to go after my library endorsement. I’d made the decision to cut off my curls and let go of that part of my history.
But in the process, I’d allowed a man to enter my life who’d undone all that work, tearing me down brick by brick until I was… Well, until I was right here.
The front door opened, and I heard voices coming from the living room. I scrambled out of bed, pulled on a pair of joggers, and made my way down the hall. Steven and Chance froze, their faces registering surprise at my appearance. Chance’s expression quickly changed to one of guilt, while Steven’s bloomed red with anger.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded.
I raised my chin defiantly, doing my best to present a confidence I didn’t quite feel. “I live here, asshole.”
“You should be at work.”
“I took the day off. Not that I owe you an explanation.”
“Whatever. I’m just here to get my stuff.”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms. “Get your shit and get out.”
“Sunshine? I thought I heard voi…ces…”
I turned to find TJ standing in nothing but a towel just a few feet away, droplets of water dripping from the ends of his hair and trickling down his bare chest. My mouth went dry as I followed the path of one such droplet from the tip of his nipple down the contour of his abs until it disappeared into the edge of the towel. In the two times we’d interacted since he’d been back in Nebraska, my reaction to TJ had been purely emotional, but in that moment, there was only white-hot lust. It shot through me like a bolt, making me lightheaded.
“What thefuck?” Steven’s voice, full of indignant fury, was like a bucket of cold water to my system. The blood that had rushed south at the sight of TJ’s bare chest flooded right back up into my face as I turned back toward Steven. “You accused me of cheating, then what? Invited this dickhead over the moment I was gone? Youhypocrite!”
A distant part of my brain, the part having an out-of-body experience right now, registered surprise that he knew how to use that word correctly in a sentence, even if he was making a false assumption regarding TJ’s presence. But before I could form a coherent response, he’d shoved past me and pushed himself right into TJ’s face. “This isyourfault. Everything was fine until you showed up. You?—”
“Stop it!” I shouted, surprising everyone in the room, including myself. “Steven, get your shit and get out. My relationship with TJ is none of your goddamned business.”
He walked back over to me, getting right up in my space. Memories of him backing me into the counter and holding me in place flooded back and had my heart rate ticking up, but I stood my ground. “You think you’ve got everyone fooled with this nerdy little innocent act you’ve got going on, but really, you’re just a lying whore.”
