Page 53 of Give In To Love
“When do you leave?”
He sighed deeply, and it was then I noticed the circles under his eyes. This had been weighing on him for days. He should be gleefully celebrating, not losing sleep over how it would affect me. “They want me in Chicago on Monday. I fly out Sunday night.”
“Monday.ThisMonday? But that’s so soon.”
“Apparently, they want us in rehearsal for three weeks before Christmas, and then we launch the tour right after the new year.”
“But what about classes? Finals?”
“I’ve already spoken to my professors. Most of them have said they’ll allow me to take the finals remotely under the circumstances. I already took one of them yesterday.”
My heart was beating out of my chest. I’d wanted this for him. I’d wanted all of his dreams to come true. And I’d known this was a possibility. But the reality was far more heartbreaking than I’d ever imagined. I hadn’t known just how much it could physically hurt when your heart was ripped in two.
“So that’s it then. Congratulations.” The words were hollow, even though I meant them. He deserved this opportunity.
TJ pulled my hands into his, stepping close so we were just a few inches apart. “We could date long distance. I’ll be able to come home from time to time. Or maybe you can meet me in a couple of cities. I saw Kansas City on the list in February and Des Moines in March. Those are just a few hours away.”
I was saved from responding when Tyler poked his head around the corner. “Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt, but Ma sent me out here to check on you. You guys okay?”
“Yeah, tell her we’ll be right there,” he tossed over his shoulder, then returned his gaze to mine. “Arewe okay?”
I swallowed hard, trying to pull myself together before I lost it in front of TJ’s whole family. “Let’s talk about it tonight, okay? Give me some time to…process.”
He stared at me a moment longer, then leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my forehead. “You mean everything to me, sunshine.”
I blinked rapidly, fighting away the tears as I nodded, unable to form a response.
He kissed me again, and we returned to the dining room.
* * *
We never madeit to the Salgados’ for Thanksgiving dessert. I texted Sammy that I had a headache and would make it up to him another time. We didn’t discuss TJ’s upcoming move to Chicago either. I think neither of us wanted to broach the subject, even though we’d left things unresolved back in Gram’s kitchen.
The campus was quiet when we arrived just after six while students were off celebrating the holiday with their families. The quiet seemed appropriate, matching our somber mood. Wordlessly, we stripped out of our clothes and climbed into my bed in only our underwear, pulling the covers over us as if we could hide from reality. He held me—clung to me, really—until, eventually, we fell asleep.
I woke up the following morning to an empty bed, though the sheets were still warm, indicating TJ hadn’t been up for long. My eyes landed on him, standing at the window clad only in a pair of old dance sweats. The muted sun had him in silhouette, highlighting the dips and valleys of his lean dancer’s physique. He was beautiful standing there like that, his hair sleep-tousled and his sweats riding low on his hips, but it was in his soul where his true beauty lay.
The thought of him leaving was unbearable, but how lucky had I been to have him for the last three and a half months? To love him. To be loved by him. He hadn’t said the words, but he hadn’t needed to. It was in the way he cared for me. The way he encouraged me. Believed in me. Looked at me. Made love to me. It was in the way he called me sunshine and the way he left little notes on my desk. The way he took care of me when I was having a heavy day and the way he made me laugh on the lighter ones.
Five years ago, in the middle of a rainstorm, he’d told me I was stronger than I thought. He’d told me over and over again in the last couple of months. Was I strong enough to let him go now?
He turned, and I was caught staring, but I didn’t look away. The corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile, but it was muted, dimmed, like someone had stolen the light within him. I hated the impossible situation we’d found ourselves in. He should be radiating joy, shouting from the rooftops, vibrating with excitement at this next adventure. Instead, he was worrying over how it would affect me. And that wouldn’t do.
“You have to go, you know. You have to go through with this.”
His face registered momentary surprise. “Do I? What makes you think I was contemplating staying.”
“Because I know you. And I know you don’t want to hurt me.”
“I don’t want to hurtmeeither.”
I sat up in bed, letting the covers fall to my waist. “You’ll be okay. You’ll be sad, but you’ll move on. You weren’t made to stay sad for long.”
“Is that really what you think?” He sat beside me on the bed, his eyes taking on a ferocious glint. “You really think leaving you behind will be that simple?”
“It has to be,” I whispered. “You have to do this, TJ. It’s what you were born to do.”
“What if what I was born for was loving you?”
