Page 28 of Give In To Love
“I don’t know.”
I wasn’t sure how to describe TJ. He was obviously kind. He’d done his best to take care of me Thursday night. He listened. Even surrounded by his family at his brother’s football game, he’d made me feel like every word I said was important. He had this way of making me feel seen, which often made me uncomfortable, but I was starting to realize that for the first time, maybe that wasn’t so bad. To be known. To be cared for.
I sighed, deciding I might as well rip off the Band-Aid before they launched a full-scale interrogation. “Okay, so maybe I have a crush on him.” Mandy squealed while Drea looked at me in that knowing way she had. Sometimes, I swore she was a sixty-year-old trapped in a twenty-year-old’s body. “He’s kind. And he listens. Like,reallylistens. He has this huge personality, and he’s friends with half the campus, but somehow still manages to make me feel like I’m important.”
“Youareimportant.” Mandy looked at me earnestly.
I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes, knowing that would only lead them to try to convince me of something I wasn’t entirely sure was true. It was easier to just agree. “I mean, I guess. But he brought me soup the other night when he thought I was sick and made me watch a movie with him.”
Drea frowned. “Thought you were sick?”
I sighed again, swiping my hand through my curls. “I had a bad anxiety day and skipped classes. I told him I was sick because it was easier than explaining.”
“You’re still taking your meds, though, right?”
“Yes, Mom,” I responded to Mandy but then turned and looked at Drea, who had been treated off and on for depression since her mom died six years ago. It was part of the reason they’d moved to Astaire. “You know meds help, but they aren’t a magic fix for mental health issues. Sometimes you just have a bad day.”
“Yeah. It sucks.”
“Truth.”
I took another spoonful of ramen, which had cooled off to room temperature while I’d been talking.
“So he brought you soup and made you watch a movie…” Mandy prompted, trying to get us back on track.
“I ended up explaining the anxiety thing, and he insisted we put on a movie and watch it together. It was like he magically knew what would help.”
“And did it help?”
I flushed again, thinking of the way he’d held me as we slept. It had been the safest I’d ever felt. And then I’d fucked my own fist the next day to thoughts of him like the creep I was. “Yes,” I said, ducking my head and slurping my noodles to avoid any further response.
“Jimmy? Is there something you’re not telling us?”
“Why would you say that?” I squeaked.
“Because you’re roughly the color of a tomato.”
“He might’ve-fallen-asleep-in-my-bed,” I mumbled, blending the words together in a jumble.
“He what?!” Mandy shrieked.
I glared at her. The folks at the next table were all staring at us in response to her outburst. “It’s not a big deal. We both fell asleep, and by morning, he was gone. It’s not like it was intentional.”
“You sure about that?” While Mandy had leaned in, eager to sink her teeth into this juicy development, Drea had leaned back, eyeing me shrewdly.
“Sure about what? That it wasn’t intentional? Absolutely. Why would he have slept in my bed on purpose?”
“What do you mean,why? I think the obvious answer isto get into your pants.”
I scoffed, though the tips of my ears burned. “Absolutely not. It’s not like that. He doesn’t like me like that. No chance.”
“Why do you say, ‘no chance?’”
I stared at Drea. Why was this hard for her to comprehend? And why did she need me to humiliate myself by spelling out the obvious? Maybe because she and Mandy had been popular in high school. Co-captains of the dance team and student council officers. I’d never understood why they’d befriended me. “Guys like him aren’t interested in guys like me.”
“Why not?” Mandy persisted.
“Oh my god. Why are you both so pushy? It’s not that hard to understand.” I slammed my spoon down on my tray, though it was plastic, so it wasn’t nearly as gratifying as I wanted it to be. “There’s a reason I’ve never dated before. I’m a nerdy loner who barely knows how to talk to people and is prone to panic attacks. What the fuck would he want with me?” The table next to us was staring again, but this time, I was too agitated to care.
