Page 22 of Give In To Love
“Yeah. Sammy. He’s three years older. He’s… We’re very different people.”
The carhop arrived at our window, dropping off our ice cream. I sipped my shake, letting the ice cream melt on my tongue as I tried to figure out how to describe my brother.
“I told you a little about Charlotte. She?—”
“Charlotte?”
“Our mom. We stopped calling her ‘Mom’ shortly after she left.” A crease formed between TJ’s brows and his jaw tightened, but he didn’t say anything, so I continued, “We had a shitty childhood. Charlotte was gone a lot, either strung out on drugs or with her boyfriend of the month. And Sammy, being the older brother, took it upon himself to take care of me. He won’t take credit for it, but he essentially raised me.”
“Wow. And he’s only three years older?”
“Yeah. He was eighteen when she left us. It really fucked us up, but Sammy was determined to keep us together. He didn’t want me to go into the system. He worked his ass off, learning to become an auto mechanic, and in the process, became a metal artist.”
“No shit?” TJ’s eyes had blown wide.
“He’s a welder. Just sold a sculpture to Warren Buffett a couple of months ago. It’s why I was able to afford to transfer here from the community college.”
“Wow. That’s impressive. Your brother sounds like an amazing guy.”
I chuckled. “Sammy’s kind of an asshole, actually. He’s prickly and gruff and doesn’t take shit off anyone. But underneath, he’s got the biggest heart of anyone I know. Just…if you ever meet him, don’t let on that you know that. He likes to pretend otherwise.”
“I’m glad you have him.” His voice had gone soft, his eyes intense, the blue almost black in the darkened car.
“Me too. I don’t know where I’d be without him.”
He turned back toward the steering wheel, backing us out of the slot and heading toward campus. He parked, and we walked into our building together, finishing our ice cream on the way.
Once in the room, we got ready for bed, not saying much as we did so. I wasn’t sure why TJ was quiet, but being exhausted from all the extroverting, it was a relief to not have to keep up conversation. We climbed into our beds and shut off the light, though I could see the glow of his phone and knew he was still awake. After a few minutes, he darkened the screen and set it on the charger.
I lay there for a long time thinking about family. Maybe my life would have been different if I’d had a family like TJ’s. But I couldn’t change that, and even if I’d had a family like that, I still would have wished for a brother like Sammy.
11
TJ
I couldn’t stop thinkingabout what Jimmy had told me about being raised by his brother. I’d been distracted by it throughout my dance classes on Saturday and found myself stopping at the house afterward rather than heading directly back to campus. Ma and Trent were out front doing yard work—Trent with the mower and Ma with the edger—but they both stopped when they saw me pulling up, smiling wide as I got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk.
“Well, this is a surprise. You miss me already?”
“Always.” I bent to give her a hug, but she put her hand out in protest.
“I’m sweaty and gross.”
“So am I. I just came from dance.”
She turned her cheek toward me and pointed at it, and I obliged by giving her a peck rather than the hug I’d originally been going for.
“Trent, honey. Go grab us some waters.” She turned back toward me, her brows creasing in concern. “What brings you by today? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, Ma. Everything’s fine. I just…” I looked off to the right, trying to get my thoughts to coalesce into coherent words. “I think I just want you to know how grateful I am for you.”
“Honey. That’s very sweet, but you’re kind of freaking me out.”
I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck. “Last night, Jimmy shared some things about his childhood—about his mom—and it made me realize how lucky we were to have you. I know it was hard after Dad died, but you made sure we never wanted for anything. No matter what, you had our backs, and I know not everyone has that. I’ve always known how lucky we are, but to hear Jimmy talk about his situation… It just really hit home, you know?”
“Come on. Let’s sit down out of the sun.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to sit on the front step, where it was shaded.
Trent came out with cups of water, handing them to Ma and me and keeping one for himself. He looked back and forth between us, clearly sensing something was going on, but Ma shooed him off, telling him to start on the backyard and she’d be there in a minute. He rolled his eyes but downed his water, handed me the empty cup, got the mower, and began pushing it toward the backyard.
