Page 20 of Give In To Love
“Do you remember what you said to me before we ran home in the rain?”
Before I kissed him for the second time.
“I told you that you were stronger than you think.”
“Yeah. You did. And I thought it was crazy. How could you possibly know that? But I held on to those words, tucked them into a secret place inside me, clinging to them when life felt impossible. You got me through some dark moments, and I didn’t even know your name.”
I was stunned. And honored. Though I’d been right about his strength. He’d only given me a glimpse of what he’d been through—I was sure there were lots of gaps to be filled between then and now—but being left by your own mother was enough to break anyone. Yet he hadn’t been broken. Not at all. A quiet determination hid beneath that shy exterior and served him well. I suspected there were many depths to be discovered, and I wanted to be the one to discover them.
“And then you showed up in my dorm room, and for as much as I’d built you up in my imagination, you were still somehowmore. And just like back then, it scared me.”
“I offered to see if we could get the room assignments changed.”
“I know. But I was afraid I’d never see you again, and that scared me more.”
* * *
Jimmy
My heart was racing,like it was going to pound right out of my chest. I couldn’t believe I’d said all of that. That I’d admitted how he’d affected me that day. It was rare that I spoke so much at one time, and typically only with Sammy. I didn’t think I’d ever said so much to Mandy or Drea at one time. But TJ said he wanted to know me, that he wanted my words, so for better or worse, I was giving them to him. For once in my life, I was putting myself out there and fuck the consequences.
“I don’t want you to be scared of me,” he said, his blue-violet eyes filled with concern.
“I don’t think I am anymore. Or at least I’m trying not to be. But I’m never going to be one of those people who talks and talks. I just don’t think I have it in me.”
“That’s okay, sunshine. I can talk enough for the both of us.” And then he smiled, his face lighting like the sun. And this time, I didn’t look away.
10
JIMMY
After that dayin the forest, TJ and I settled into an easy companionship. We’d talked for a little longer, the subject turning to lighter things, and then he’d said he needed to head to a family cookout. He’d invited me along, but after my epic monologue, I’d needed some time alone to recharge. By the time he’d returned to the dorm later that evening, I’d felt much more myself, even feeling a little proud for putting myself out there. There’d also been relief that the awkwardness between us seemed to have dissipated.
The following week, we walked to our Ad Psych class together and went to lunch afterward on both days. TJ had chattered away while I offered the occasional response. He’d still carried the bulk of the conversation, but this time, it was comfortable. He was happy to do the talking, I was happy to let him, and there wasn’t any expectation otherwise.
We saw each other less frequently in the evenings. I’d taken a job at the campus library while TJ spent a significant portion of his time preparing to audition for the fall musical. They’d announced on Tuesday that it would beRent, and he’d freaked out as, apparently, that was one of his all-time favorites.
Friday afternoon, I found myself in the dorm room alone, attempting to read and failing mightily. I had a light homework load to complete over the weekend and wanted to treat myself to some reading for pleasure, but I was struggling to focus on the words and found myself reading the same paragraph again for the third time. The cast list for TJ’s show was supposed to be posted today, and I knew he was really nervous about it. I couldn’t help but worry on his behalf.
I was just about ready to give up on my book when the door swung open, banging against the doorstop, and TJ burst through, his eyes glittering with excitement. “I got it! I got the part! I’m playing Roger! I couldn’t decide if I wanted Roger or Mark or maybe Angel or Collins, but I got Roger, and I’m so damn excited!”
He grabbed my hands and pulled me off the bed, scooping me into a hug and twirling me right off my feet. I laughed. It was impossible not to join in his exuberance. I tried not to think too hard about how good it felt to have his arms wrapped around me. We were friends. He was excited, and I was happy for him. That’s all there was to it.
“We have to go out to celebrate!”
I stumbled a bit as he put me down, my feet tangling together. I fell back on my bed with a bounce. He headed to his closet, rifling through shirts, mumbling as he yanked the plastic hangers back and forth.
“Didn’t you tell me you have your brother’s football game tonight?”
“Shit. I almost forgot. I guess we’ll have to celebrate a different time.” He was so cute standing there, pouting like he’d just dropped his ice cream cone. “But wait, you should come with me!” The sparkle of excitement was back in his eyes as he rushed over and sat beside me, grabbing my hand and tugging it forward. “Come to the football game with me.”
“Isn’t it like a family thing?”
“I mean, my family will be there. But that doesn’t matter. You’ve already met Tyler. And you can meet Ma and maybe Trent after.”
“I don’t know anything about football.”
“That’s okay. I’ll help you.” He looked at me expectantly, and I didn’t know how to say no to him. But my heart was racing, my palms were sweating, and I didn’t know how to say yes either.
