Page 45 of When He Saved Me
“Awful,” I finished for him. I munched on a piece of bacon, contemplating how best to describe my feelings for the man who had shaped me, who still had an impact on the man I was today. “Dad was…he was my idol. He didn’t have this big, larger-than-life personality—I get my extroverted side from Mom—but everyone loved him. There was a kindness about him…a warmth. When you spoke with him, you always got the sense that he really listened and was genuinely interested in what you had to say. Even as a kid, I felt that way. Most adults sort of listen to kids with half an ear and have a tendency to downplay their thoughts and feelings, but Dad always made me feel like what I had to say was real and valid and important. He did that with everyone.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. He’d been gone from my life longer than he’d been in it, yet it still sometimes felt like it had only been moments since I’d last heard his voice or felt his embrace.
I set my now-empty plate down on the table and turned to look at Finn, wanting him to understand. “I’m never going to have that quiet, calm nature that he had, I’m just not wired that way, but I try to remember that feeling when you really feel like someone hears what you’re saying, that they truly see you, and I try to do that with others as well.”
Setting his plate down next to mine, Finn reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering on the side of my face as he said, “You do that with me, Jamie. No one has ever seen me the way you do. No one has ever even tried except maybe Carmen.” The intensity in his eyes as he looked into mine had my heart beating faster. “Do you know how special that is? My parents never heard a damn thing I had to say, but in a matter of weeks, you’ve managed to unlock pieces of me evenIdidn’t know existed.”
I reached up and clasped his hand that was still resting on the side of my face. “Your parents were selfish assholes who should’ve never been allowed to have children. You deserved so much more than to be paraded about when it suited them and ignored when it didn’t. But it’s their loss, Finn. Their huge, gigantic loss because the person I see has so much more to offer than they’ll ever know. He has depth and humor and kindness. He has an achingly beautiful soul. He has…” I had been dangerously close to finishing that sentence with ‘my heart,’ but I hesitated, unsure how that would be received.
“What? He has…what?”
“You have my heart, Finn.” I held my breath, unsure how he would respond. Not quite an outright declaration of love—it was still pretty damn heavy a sentiment so early in this relationship—but I’d never been one to hold back. I didn’t think I had it in me to do so. And loving Finn, if that’s what this was, wasn’t something I could stop. My heart was barreling over the cliff at a breakneck pace, and I was helpless to stop it, nor did I want to. Still, I knew he was out of his depth with all this, and I prayed I hadn’t scared him away with my statement.
“Damn, Jamie. What are you doing to me?” He pressed his lips to mine, and I sighed into him, releasing the breath I’d been holding, thankful he wasn’t running away. I moved my hand to cup the back of his neck, holding him to me as our tongues twined in sensual exploration. This kiss wasn’t a horny prelude to sex. This was tenderness and vulnerability, and passion. It wasthank youandI’m falling for youandI’m still hereandI think I might love you. It was a million little things and just one big thing all at once.
At length, Finn pulled back, those beautiful eyes focused intently on mine. “I wish I’d met him. Your dad, I mean,” he said.
“Me too.” I squeezed the back of his neck where my hand still rested. “He would have liked you.”
He shrugged that off like he didn’t really believe it. “I’d thank him. I’d thank him for teaching you to be the kind of man who’d take a chance on a person like me. Who saw me even when I did my best to be invisible to everyone.”
“I’d thank him for that too.”
CHAPTER23
FINN
I staredup at the sprawling mansion in front of me as a wave of nausea rolled through me. The massive Tudor-style home sat back from the road atop a small hill, allowing it to exert its understated yet clear dominance over the other mansions that dared to line the street in its presence. Located in Mission Hills, the third most affluent municipality in the country and just on the other side of the state line from Kansas City, Missouri, houses in this Kansas neighborhood regularly sold in the millions, and the house I was staring at likely had sold at the top end.
Built in the 1930s, this house had been home to a railroad magnate, professional baseball player, aspiring presidential candidate, and currently, a partner in the highest-rated law firm in the Midwest with offices in Kansas City, Chicago, and Dallas.
The other partner of the aforementioned law firm was my father.
I banged my head on the steering wheel twice before pulling out my phone. My thumb hovered over my contacts list as I realized that the one person I’d always reached out to, my ride or die, was not the person I was reaching for today. I pressed the button and waited.
The sound of Jamie’s rich baritone filling up the space inside my car as he answered with a “Hello,” rolled through me like a warm summer breeze. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out as I tried to settle my frantic thoughts. “Baby? What’s wrong?” he asked, and I realized I hadn’t responded to his initial greeting.
“I’m, uh, I guess I’m having a bit of a freak-out.”
“Why? What happened? Aren’t you at your gig?” His voice was laced with concern. In my mind, I could see the worry etched into the lines on his forehead.
Exhaling, I did my best to explain. “Yeah, I’m at the gig. I’m sitting outside the house.”
“Okay…” he prompted, clearly waiting for me to clarify the problem.
“The house…it’s the home of my father’s partner. In his law firm. I’m ninety-nine percent sure my parents will be in there.” Another wave of nausea rolled through me at the thought of seeing them again. It had been three and a half years since the day Dad had given me the ultimatum and I decided I wasn’t going back in the closet. In all that time, they hadn’t reached out, and I hadn’t looked back. I thought I’d had zero fucks to give where they were concerned, but apparently, my body’s reaction to the very real possibility of seeing them again signaled that maybe there was at least one fuck rattling around in there somewhere. Or maybe Jamie had melted my ice-cold heart, and now I was feeling things I’d thought I’d long buried. Either way, it felt like my insides were trying to rearrange themselves.
“It was an executive assistant who booked me for the gig, and the host’s name is Richardson. I didn’t know it wasthatRichardson. They offered me twice as much as I usually take for this sort of thing since it’s Christmas Eve, so I didn’t ask a lot of questions. But I should have known. My parents have been coming to this party on Christmas Eve for years. It’s tradition. How did I not put it all together?” My hands were shaking and my voice had pitched up as I word-vomited in a panic.
“Breathe, baby. Are you sure it’s the same Richardson as your dad’s partner?”
“Oh yeah. I may not have initially recognized the address, but I was forced to come to enough events here over the years. There’s no doubt it’s his place.”
“Damn. Okay. So what are your options?”
“Options?” I asked. I didn’t have any options. I was trapped in my own personal hell with no way out.
“Yeah, options. Can you bail? Call and tell them you got sick?”
