Page 50 of When He Saved Me
CHAPTER25
FINN
I awokein a tangled heap of arms, legs, and sheets. Jamie had his arms wrapped around me from behind and his leg thrown over my hip for good measure, as if he was afraid I would try to escape in the night. The room was infused with a soft glow in the predawn light, making me feel like we were trapped in our own little bubble, if only for just a little while longer.
My eyes felt gritty, both from all the tears I’d shed last night and the lack of sleep. If I had to guess, it had been close to three a.m. by the time we’d finally passed out, so we’d likely only been asleep for a few hours, but despite my exhaustion, I still found myself wide awake, my mind spinning.
My thoughts were bouncing all over the place between the things my father had said and the ensuing conversation I’d had with Jamie.
I was still angry and hurt by the things my father had said to me.
I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to feel anything at all in regard to my parents, but I supposed it was human nature to seek your parents’ love, no matter how much you convinced yourself you didn’t need it. Although I had thought it was also human nature to love your children, but that instinct for loving and caring for your offspring must have skipped them.
The only silver lining I could find concerning that entire interaction was that I at least left feeling like I could forever close the door on that relationship. There could no longer be any doubt about how they felt about me, no more wishing things might have been different, no more hoping they would change.
I hadn’t even realized I’d held out hope for any of that in all this time, honestly thinking their feelings about me simply hadn’t mattered. In retrospect, I think I’d spent my whole life in a state of numb denial.
As a child, I’d not known there was anything different about the way my parents treated me. By the time I’d realized parents were supposed to not only love and care for you but actually play a central role in your life, I’d been so accustomed to the lack of those things that I hadn’t bothered to wish for anything else.
Upon further reflection, I was starting to realize that those walls I’d built up over all these years weren’t just a defense mechanism but a manifestation of my assumptions about my own worthiness to be loved. I hadn’t just shut people out because I didn’t want to get hurt or because I feared rejection, it went much deeper than that. I shut people out because I thought I wasn’t worthy of opening myself up to those relationships, friendship or otherwise, because, at my core, I believed I was unlovable. If my own parents hadn’t loved me, how could anyone else?
Yet, Carmen did. She’d proven that time and time again, showing up for me, even when I pushed her away, even when I didn’t deserve it.
And Jamie…his love felt like a miracle. A part of me struggled to believe him. My brain tried to tell me he was just a kind-hearted man who couldn’t stand to see someone down and wanted to make me feel better.
But my heart…my heart knew that was bullshit.
I couldfeelhis love in the way he held me while we slept. In the way he listened to me when I spoke. In the way he kept showing up, even when I made it difficult.
I’d never met anyone like him. Someone who was truly the best of humanity. He had a goodness inside of him that drew people in, that made us all want to be better. He could have had anyone. I saw the way people looked at him, the way someone would blush when he turned that beautiful smile on them, and the way others would eye-fuck him when they thought he wasn’t looking.
I figured I could probably spend my entire life trying to figure out why he chose me. Despite his arguments to the contrary, I really was a broody asshole. But the fact of the matter was, hehadchosen me. I could live in fear that he’d come to his senses, or I could do my damnedest to try to deserve him.
I felt a soft kiss on the back of my neck, and I sighed, pushing back into him. Jamie’s leg tightened around me, pulling me impossibly closer to him as he continued trailing kisses across my shoulder. My ass was tucked against his groin, and I could feel his cock lengthen against me.
“This okay?” he asked, his lips continuing their path from my shoulder back to my neck and up, up, up to that sensitive spot just behind my ear.
“Mmm,” I mumbled my assent as I ground my ass into his erection, eliciting a groan from him, which made me smile. As he pulled my earlobe between his teeth, his fingers trailed down my chest, tracing a path down my happy trail until he found my dick, tenting the front of my boxers. I whimpered as he squeezed me and then moved his hand up to the waistband, teasing the skin under the elastic before finally pushing his hand underneath the barrier. I felt his fingers move slowly through the hair at my groin before finally taking my length in his hand.
He gripped my shaft, sliding his hand in a slow upward stroke, his thumb finding the bead of precum at the tip and swirling it around the sensitive head of my cock. Goosebumps broke out on my skin as he teased my sensitive flesh, and I hissed in response.
I felt a puff of breath against my neck as he chuckled behind me. Taking him by surprise, I threw off the arm and leg he had wrapped around me and rolled over to face him. I swung my leg over his hip, grabbed his ass, and pulled him to me, thrusting my cock against his. “Something funny?” I asked as he let loose his own hiss at the feel of my cock rubbing against his.
“You feel amazing,” he said as we thrust against each other.
“So do you,” I said, but his eyes creased in confusion as I pulled away. I yanked my boxers down, my cock springing free, and threw them on the floor. Mirroring my actions, Jamie grinned and did the same. We both rolled back to our sides, and I pulled him into me once again.
He reached down, taking both of our cocks in his big hand, and stroked them together. We were both leaking precum like crazy, and he used that as lubricant as he stroked us.
Unable to help myself, I leaned forward and took his mouth in a sloppy, needy kiss. I licked into his mouth, stroking his tongue with mine. It was desperate and messy, but I didn’t care. I tangled my hand into his long hair and held him to me as if kissing him was the answer to life’s hardest questions. I was pretty sure it was the solution to every problem I’d ever had.
My mind bounced between the taste of him as we kissed and the feel of his cock against mine. My blood was on fire with need as he stroked us faster and faster. As my orgasm barreled down on me like a freight train, I tore my mouth away and grabbed his hand, stilling his movements.
“What? Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m about to come.”
His mouth curved up in a smug grin. “Isn’t that the point?”
