Page 28 of When He Saved Me
I arched one brow but said nothing.
“I’m sorry,” he said simply, eyes not quite meeting mine.
“What are you sorry for, exactly?” I hadn’t expected the apology, though I hadn’t really expected him to show up here either.
He raked his hands through his hair in frustration, visibly agitated. “I just…it was a lot coming at me at once. You at Ivory. Asher and Joshua. We haven’t even been on a date, and you showed up with your best friend and his fiancé—people I don’t even know—like it was just no big deal, and I panicked.”
“You said it was okay that I was there…” I still didn’t understand. I’d asked him, and he’d said it was okay.
“It was, and then it wasn’t.” He let out another sigh, really a sound of frustration more than anything else, and swiped his hands through his hair again, this time rubbing all the way down the back of his neck before dropping them roughly back to his side. “I’m not like you, Jamie. I don’t people very well. Iwasglad to see you.” His face heated as he said it, softening some of my rough edges. “But I guess I just hadn’t really given any thought to you telling other people about me, and I certainly wasn’t prepared to meet your best friend. I didn’t know what to do with that. It made me feel like things were moving faster than I was ready for.”
I was starting to get it. I’d texted Asher a bit about Finn over the last month. He was my best friend, and we told each other everything. So when he’d come into town and the three of us had gone to dinner, the idea of taking them to Ivory had popped into my mind, and I’d jumped on it. I’d promised to take things slow, and then I hurtled past a couple of steps without thinking.
I hung my head as it all came crashing down on me. I’d promised not to push, and then I’d done just that. I looked back up at him and nudged the door open wider. “Would you like to come in?” I asked.
He looked hesitant like he wasn’t sure whether that was such a good idea, but when a gust of wind kicked up, causing him to shiver, he nodded and stepped past me into the entryway.I led him into the kitchen, where I pulled down two rocks glasses and poured a healthy shot of bourbon in each. Handing one glass to him, I gestured for him to take the stool at the island while I leaned against the counter opposite.
“I think maybe I’m the one who owes you an apology. I promised we could take it slow, and then I didn’t follow through with that. In my excitement, I honestly didn’t see it as rushing things, but looking back on it from your perspective, I can totally see how it felt that way to you. I’m sorry it made you feel like you were being pushed. And I hate that I’m the one who made you feel that way.” I wanted to touch him, even just to take his hand, but I didn’t know if it would be welcome, so I kept my position across from him. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, Finn.”
“You didn’t hurt me. I just felt…cornered, maybe? I don’t know if I’m saying this right.” He took a healthy swig of the amber liquid before placing his glass on the counter in front of him. Then he pushed it back and forth from hand to hand in either a stalling tactic or a gesture of nerves. I wasn’t sure which. Finally, he tossed the rest of it back, setting the glass firmly on the counter, and looked up at me, face resolved.
“Look, I’m not comfortable getting into all the personal shit just yet. I don’t know if I ever will be. But let’s just say that my parents really fucked me up. I never had much of a relationship with them, and what little we did have, blew up in my face after graduation.” He looked at me, appearing to gauge my response, and I nodded, encouraging him to continue. “I’ve also never really been much good with people. I don’t know if it’s a learned behavior from my parents, a survival thing, or just the way I’m wired, but I don’t let people in, and I don’t trust anyone. It’s not personal, or at least, I don’t mean it to be.” His eyes dropped to the counter in front of us, and I almost missed it when he said, “I don’t want to hurt you either.”
All the tension, frustration, and confusion I’d felt melted out of my body. I reached out, gently placing my hand under Finn’s chin, urging him to look at me. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that I’d never seen before, and for a second, it took my breath away. “Thank you for trusting me with that,” I said, sincerely appreciating the glimpse of what lay behind those carefully constructed walls of his, even as much as it broke me to hear it. “I’ve said from the beginning that I want to know you, and I mean that. I want to know the things that scare you and the things that hurt you. I want to know all the good as well as all the ugly.”
The space between us shrank until there were just inches between our lips. I wasn’t sure whether I’d leaned into him or he’d leaned into me, but it was as if some invisible force was pulling us together and we were both helpless to stop it. “The thing about me is that I feel everything deeply. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I go in with someone, I go all in. I don’t really know how to do it any other way.” I watched his face carefully, praying I wouldn’t see panic there. He gulped but didn’t pull away, so I continued. “I know that’s probably too intense for you, and I’m terrified that by telling you this, I’m going to scare you away, but I’m scared too because, Finn, you have the ability to wreck me, and I…” I looked down for a second, swallowing past the lump in my throat.Shit. “I know I said I just wanted a few dates and we could take things slow, and I really will do my best not to push you, but the reality is, I’m already invested. I’m drawn to you in ways I can’t explain.” I brushed my thumb over his lips wanting desperately to taste them. “It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, but I can’t shake this feeling that you’re meant to be mine. So if this is too much, let me know now while I still have the ability to walk away.”
By the time I’d finished my speech, we were both breathing heavily, the air thick between us. I’d probably fucked this all up, laying it on the line like this. He was probably going to run for it, but I had to fucking know. I had to know before I was crushed.
He pulled away from me, my hand falling from his chin where I’d been holding him. I felt the rejection like a punch to the chest. My chin dropped and I released the breath I’d been holding.
Okay then. Now you know. Now you can move on from this insanity you’ve been living for the last month.
I felt him come up behind me, but I was afraid to turn around, afraid of what I’d see when I looked into his eyes. I kept telling him I wouldn’t push, but I’d been unable to keep the words inside me any longer. His vulnerability had unlocked something inside me, and I’d suddenly needed him to know how I felt. Needed him to know what he did to me. That I was scared too.
“Is that what you call ‘not pushing?’” he asked with…was that humor? I cautiously turned around, leaning against the counter, but didn’t respond to his question, waiting to see what he’d do or say next. “Maybe I need to be pushed.” He stepped forward, one foot sliding between mine so we stood hip to hip, our groins just a breath away from each other. “Maybe I’ve spent too much of my life playing it safe, hiding in the shadows, avoiding conflict.” His hands came up to rest on the nape of my neck, their heat scorching my skin. I forgot to breathe as he leaned in closer, his lips nearly brushing against mine. “Maybe I need you to show me what it’s like to take a risk. Push me, Jamie.”
Like a switch, I closed the distance between our lips, slamming my mouth down on his, my hands landing on his hips, holding him there against me. Some part of my brain registered I was holding him hard enough I might leave bruises, but I made no move to soften my grip. In fact, IhopedI was leaving a mark on him so that days from now, he wouldn’t be able to deny this moment. He wouldn’t be able to run from it.
Tongues tangled and twisted, tasting, seeking, fighting for dominance. He nipped my lip, and I groaned, backing him into the opposite counter. He bit my lip again, this time tugging it between his teeth before releasing it and diving back in again.
That pinch of pain set fire to my blood, lust shooting straight to my cock like a bolt of lightning. Liquid fire coursed through my veins, igniting everything inside me into an inferno of need. How could one kiss spark such a blaze? I was in danger of burning from the inside out.
A blast of cold air swept over us, having a similar effect as being doused with a bucket of ice water. We burst apart, lips puffy and bruised, chests heaving, eyes locked as we tried to gain control of our rapidly beating hearts.
“Oh, hello, Finn! So good to see you again.” I spared Aunt Cathy a cursory glance before returning my gaze to Finn. I searched his face, trying to get any sense of what he was thinking after that kiss, but his intense stare was inscrutable.
Oblivious to the sexual tension permeating the air, Aunt Cathy bustled about the kitchen, putting containers in the fridge and the freezer before carrying three grocery bags into the pantry.
“We weren’t expecting you tonight,” I called out, my eyes never leaving Finn’s. My hands slid from his waist to wrap his hands in mine. I was thrilled when he didn’t pull away. I finally tore my gaze away to look down at his hand resting in mine, marveling at how beautifully they fit together.
“I just had a few things I wanted to drop off since I won’t be able to come over tomorrow. I don’t want you and your mom to go hungry.” Aunt Cathy emerged from the pantry, empty bags tucked under her arms.
“You didn’t have to do that! I do know how to cook a few things around here.”
“Aw, it’s cute that you think that’s true.” I shook my head as she winked at me. “I’m just going to say hi to your mom before I leave.” She crossed the kitchen to head down the hall, but I stopped her.
“Wait!” I called out, her words finally registering in my lust-addled brain. “Did I know you weren’t going to be here tomorrow?”
