Page 19 of When He Saved Me
I chuckled. “I don’t know any other way to be. Mom’s cancer is pretty serious. She may not make it.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “But if I’m only meant to have a few more months with her, I’d rather not waste them walking around being a dick to everyone. It won’t change the outcome. I’d rather fill our time with laughter.”
He shook his head. “I just—”
“Hey, Finn! You gonna stand around talking to your boyfriend all day, or are you going to help us out here?” one of the baristas called from down the counter. I had been so intently focused on him that I’d forgotten they were in the middle of a rush. I looked around, noting that the line was even longer than it had been when I’d come in.
“I better go. You have plans for Thanksgiving?”
“You asking me out again?”
I chuckled. “Nah. But if you need a place to hang, you’re welcome with us.”
“That’s all right, man. I’m good.”
“All right. Happy Thanksgiving, Finn.”
“Yeah, uh, you too.” He nodded and turned to get back to work.
I got to the car, placing my coffee in the cupholder and the pastries on the passenger seat, my stomach heavy. I suspected his turn down of my Thanksgiving offer wasn’t because he already had plans but because he thought he didn’t need them. Without stopping to consider my actions any further, I opened the glovebox and riffled around until I found a piece of paper and a pen that would actually write. I jotted down a note and ran back inside.
I caught Finn’s attention, and he approached with a question in his eyes.
“I know you’re busy. Just take this. You can read it later when you have time.”
“What is it?”
“Just take it.”
Without waiting for further response, I shoved it in his hands and walked out.
CHAPTER10
FINN
When I was sixteen,Carmen walked in on me making out with a boy. It was my first kiss. I’d known I was gay for as long as I could remember, almost before I even had a name for what it meant to be attracted to other boys. The hard lines and sleek planes of the male body just did it for me. I tended to prefer those with an athletic build, but really, if he had a dick, there was a decent chance I’d at least be mildly interested. But between the fact that I didn’t particularly like talking to most people and the distinctly straight makeup of our elite preparatory academy, opportunities for hooking up were few and far between.
Joey, the only out person at our school, wore his sexuality like a goddamned badge of honor. He wore mascara and carried lip-gloss and a compact in a little purse, and while he wore the traditional male uniform of slacks, navy sweater vest, and striped tie, he often paired it with chunky platform shoes similar to the style worn by the girls at our school.
A little too tall and broad to be considered a twink, he carried the stereotypical attitude of one. He seemed to get a kick out of making people uncomfortable with his flirtiness and overt sexuality. I found him both obnoxious and fascinating. Even as he annoyed the shit out of me, I was envious of his ability to put himself out there and sayfuck itto anyone who dared to insist he be anything other than himself.
Joey remained the only out student at our school because I had no desire to draw attention to myself in that way. For as long as I could remember, I had done my best to go unnoticed at school. I wasn’t shy, per se, but I had no desire to fill my days with meaningless conversations with my peers, who, for the most part, seemed to be motivated solely by trying to gain the attention of others. I was well aware that most others thought I was an odd loner, but that was fine with me. As long as they left me alone, I didn’t care. The only thing I did to put myself out there was to play in the jazz band, but even that was solitary in its own way. I could communicate musically, but once rehearsal was over, I was out.
So, no one was more surprised than me to find myself lip-locked with Jason Donovan, senior starting center for the basketball team, in an empty classroom on a Friday in November. As far as I knew, he had a girlfriend, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t know why he’d chosen me or how he’d figured out I’d be into it, but he’d grabbed my hand and pulled me into the classroom. Before I knew it, his tongue was down my throat and we were kissing with all the desperation that comes with teenage hormones.
I loved it. The way he tasted as our tongues tangled together. The feel of his fingers tugging my hair as he pulled me closer. I didn’t stop to think about his motivations or the ramifications of what any of this meant. I was just along for the ride.
So when the door opened and Carmen came in to return a textbook she’d borrowed, I hadn’t heard her. But Jason had. One minute I’d been lost in sensation, marveling at the feel of him pressed against me, and the next, my ass hit the edge of a desk as I was roughly shoved away from him.
“If you fucking tell anybody, I’ll kick both your asses,” he said as he hastily ran a hand through his hair and bolted out the door without a backward glance.
I stood there in the center of the room, my erection deflating, wondering what the hell had just happened. This had to have been the weirdest ten minutes of my life by far.
A face came into focus as Carmen approached me. I knew her in the way I vaguely knew everyone at our school. Enrollment here was relatively low, allowing the school to maintain its elite status, so we all knew each other, regardless of what grade we were in. Carmen was a feisty, curvy Latina girl in my grade, making her stand out in a sea of otherwise thin blonde society girls. I knew her parents managed some sort of nonprofit, but I didn’t know much else about her.
I wasn’t sure what I expected to see in her eyes, but compassion was all I saw reflected there. She offered a smile, asking, “Are you okay?”
Cautiously, I took her hand, rising. “I’m fine.”
“I won’t say anything. Not because that douche threatened me, but because it’s not cool to out someone.”
