Page 15 of All This Love
Joan fixed a plate and took it to go. I went into the bathroom to run Angel’s bath water. Three glasses of wine had me feeling lazy and loose finally. I wasn’t as mad anymore, and I had to thank God for it even if it would be short lived. My negative emotions ping ponged between Onyx and Ivan. No wonder Ivan couldn’t take care of his child. He was down bad if he was robbing people. Sadly. I didn’t feel sorry for him. There were times I’d tell him that Angel needed diapers or something, and he left me on read.
He was a part-time father, and I didn’t respect it. Just like one of those times he left me on read when I asked him to buyher diapers but that same night, I saw on social media that he was in a section popping bottles. It was cool, however. All that he was going through was proof that nothing good ever came to a person that didn’t do right by their kids.
Whatever the plug, Onyx, and whoever else had in store for him, only time would tell. It was sad as far as what it could come to, but he was grown. He put himself in that position. Just like I’d placed myself in mine. I had to accept the fact that I’d been a piss poor judge of character. So much for getting back out there and giving men a chance. I was good on them.
The next day, I was cleaning my station to leave work when I saw Onyx parking in a space directly in front of the shop. My eyes narrowed, and I kissed my teeth because it had been a long day, and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. Long days meant great money, but I was tired. All I wanted was my bed and my child. The moment I got enough money saved to have a nice cushion, I was going to start taking two days off a week and at least one of the days I worked, I wouldn’t schedule any appointments after two. I got tired of always having to let someone else pick my child up from school and working so late that by the time I got off and got home, I only had a few hours to spend with her before she was off to bed. Sadly, that was reality for lots of parents.
I had a sorry ass excuse for a child’s father, and I was still pissed about Onyx’s deception. Add all those things together, and I hadn’t been in the best mood. Seeing his face wasn’t on my bingo card for the day, and I wasn’t sure I had the mental capacity to deal with Onyx. Especially after I talked to Joan on my break, and she informed me that Ivan’s trap house had beenshot up earlier. I had no proof that it was Onyx, but it very well could have been. It was my job to make good decisions and protect my child. Onyx and Ivan could take their childish ass beef and do what they pleased with it, but I wanted to be left out of it. I had no desire to be a pawn in anyone’s game.
Lies would only piss me off further and in his case, the truth would probably infuriate me as well. After he parked, Onyx just sat in the car. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my purse and said goodbye to my co-workers. I was too ready to go home to be hiding out in the shop to avoid him.
Leaving the shop, I kept my gaze trained straight ahead, but that didn’t stop Onyx from getting out of the car. “Tatum.” He actually had the nerve to sound weary like I was already tiring him out when he was the one bothering me.
I kept walking, and he took long strides to reach me. He jumped in front of me, so I tried to go around him. He grabbed my arm gently. “Just give me two minutes, please.” Onyx was pleading with his words and his eyes. I shouldn’t have cared, but it softened me just a tiny bit. Pulling my arm out of his grasp, I spoke in a tone laced with attitude.
“You have exactly two minutes. Time is ticking.”
“I may not have come at you with genuine intentions, but the chemistry we have is very real. The fun we had on our dates, the conversations. I’m feeling you.”
“Nigga, please. You’re feeling me but not enough to tell me the truth. I only found out what it was after you and Ivan got into it. Had he never shown up, I’d still be walking around looking stupid. You for sure accomplished what you set out to do. You made Ivan mad. Now, you can leave me alone.”
I once again attempted to walk around him, and he stopped me. “My two minutes isn’t up.”
I pushed out an angry laugh. “You are really trying me, Onyx. Do I seem like the kind of person that likes to play games?” I drew back. “’Cus you really on one right now.”
“I’ll let the shit with Ivan go. On my end, the beef is dead. I’ll take my L and move on. And if you keep dealing with me, we can be private. He doesn’t have to know. If he doesn’t know, he can’t be mad about it. Fuck, Ivan. On everything I love, I don’t want you to leave me alone.”
I didn’t expect his words to move me so much. If Onyx declared the beef with Ivan was dead on his end, and Ivan didn’t have to know about us, that kind of proved that maybe he did like me for real. There were still going to be trust issues, however.
“I don’t see how I can deal with a person that I can’t trust. The fact remains that the only reason you told me the truth was because you really didn’t have a choice. From the day we met, you’ve been pretending and lying. But I’m supposed to believe you now?” I was pissed at Onyx for even putting me in the position to have to choose whether to believe him or risk looking dumb as hell.
“I get it, and you’re not wrong. I’ll give you some time to think about it. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away. Just take some time and think about it. I’m willing to do whatever it is I need to do to try and gain your trust back.”
“I have to go. Two minutes is up,” I mumbled and walked to my car. That time he let me leave.
As I suspected, seeing Onyx and talking to him didn’t do much to help my mood. In fact, it made it worse. Walking away from him was the best thing to do, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that was what I wanted to do. Everything was a mess, and I couldn’t believe that I’d been put in the middle of Ivan’s bullshit. I would forever stand firm on the fact that Angelwas the only good thing that came out of me dealing with Ivan. He was a complete waste of space.
When I went to my mother’s house to get Angel, I saw that my mother cooked my favorite meal, so I stayed for dinner. When I got home, Angel was half asleep, so I carried her, so we could get inside faster. I was pissed when I saw Ivan standing against my building smoking a cigarette. I was so disturbed by his presence that I didn’t even laugh at his black eye.
“Why are you here?!” I hissed harshly making Angel lift her head.
The fact that Angel didn’t jump out of my arms and run to her father spoke volumes to me. She knew who he was, but she didn’t get excited to see him the way she did me or even my parents.
“Because I wanted to see if that nigga was around my daughter. I’ll kill both of y’all before I let you play with me.”
“That’s what you won’t do is come over here threatening me. You should have had that same energy for the man that knocked spit from your mouth three times. You didn’t hit him once, but you’re telling me you’re going to kill me. Fuck out my face.”
“My daughter is saving you,” his nostrils flared. “I bet you if I choke the shit outta you, all that talking fly is going to stop.”
“Try it,” I challenged. Ivan was pissing me off more than he was scaring me. That made me angry with Onyx all over again. His entire reason for trying to talk to me was to make Ivan mad, and he was certainly mad. I was the one left to deal with the madness. Two grown men acting like idiots.
Onyx had every right to be mad that Ivan robbed him, but he didn’t have to put me in the middle of it. “When I make it out of all the BS that I’m in, and I’m back on top I want you to remember this. I’m gon’ have a lot of fun making you eat your words.”
“Please tell me what you’re going to do. Not take care of your child? You don’t do that anyway. Not do anything for me? You stopped that when I stopped sleeping with you. I don’t care what you do, when you do it, or how you do it. Okay?”
I was glad the sight of Ivan didn’t excite Angel because I would have been so irritated had she wanted him to stay because I loved her more than I hated him. When I unlocked my door, walked through it, and slammed it in Ivan’s face, Angel didn’t blink. Three-year-olds didn’t keep up with how much child support a parent paid. They didn’t have to have too much of a reason to love a parent. But Ivan didn’t go out of his way to try and spend time with Angel or develop a bond with her.
Onyx told me if we continued to date, we could do it on the low, so Ivan wouldn’t know. The way he’d been popping up at my place lately, that would be hard to do. The beef may have been dead on Onyx’s end, but something was telling me that him and Ivan weren’t on the same page.
