Page 97 of A Not So Merry Rescue
As if I could.
This girl’s got my balls in a chokehold. I never thought I’d be the pussy-whipped guy. Sure, I’ll go out of my way to help strangers, but my behavior for the last several days is uncharacteristic. Uncharted territory. A conundrum.
“Do you work early in the morning?”
Her question is out of the blue, but maybe that’s because I’m too focused on trying to rationalize my actions toward Willa.
“Most years I’m there by eight because our Christmas celebration is never late, so no use wasting the day. The piece to yourcar should be delivered by nine. Figured I could get a jump on fixing it to get you on the road before daylight ends.”
“I’m not looking forward to driving for several hours,” she complains.
Stay.
I bite my tongue to keep the word from spilling out.
The idea is ridiculous, for all the reasons I’ve convinced myself of, the biggest one being we hardly know each other. Except, as my mind likes to argue, Willa’s gotten a side of me I’ve shown no one else. For that reason alone, it would be worth her staying, seeing if this instant chemistry between us had staying power or would fizzle at the first sign of incongruence.
It’s not like she has a job she has to get back to. She can write from anywhere, including my kitchen table. Hell, I’ll build her an office of her own. I’ll give her two if she wants.
Ludicrous. I’ve gone mad. Willa’s officially pushed me to the brink of insanity.
“Beckett?”
I snap out of the trance I’m in. “Hmm?”
“What’s wrong? Your body’s here, but your mind’s elsewhere. I recognize the vacancy in your eyes.” She shifts on the couch, planting her feet on the ground, her expression one of concern.
“I’m fine. It’s nothing. Coffee?”
She thwarts my attempt to stand. “Some things aren’t meant to be. Much as we want them to work out, it’s often better not to force it, you know?”
“No.” I shake my head, not believing I voiced the word. Her shoulders slump, the repercussion of my action clear. “Shit. I mean, yeah. I get it.”
Are we even talking about the same thing? How did she decipher my innermost thoughts? Or is she feeling something similar?
No, Beckett. Do not go there.
My head’s a tangled mess. I should go out to the workshopand hit something. My punching bag or the car I’m restoring. Pounding out the dents should set me straight.
Even as I think the words, I won’t do it. She leaves tomorrow. I can feign I’m fine, pretend I’m not jumbled chaos for twenty-four more hours, and then once she’s a memory, I’ll get back to my real life, and I’ll laugh about what a pussy I’m being.
For now, I’ll make her spiked coffee, build her a fire, and curl up on the couch with a woman I wasn’t ever supposed to meet, but one who unlocked the key to my heart.
Wonder what’ll happen when she takes it with her tomorrow.
“You’re up early.” Willa stumbles into the kitchen around six, her hair falling out of the messy bun, her glasses askew on her face hiding tired eyes, and her fingers toying with her ear.
“The bed was too cold. How long have you been up?”
“Too long.”
All night,I don’t say aloud. Perhaps there was one hour I drifted to sleep, but other than that, I didn’t catch a wink. My mind wouldn’t quit.
Other than Nana, all the other grandparents died when I was too little to remember them. The only person I’ve said a permanent goodbye to was my grandmother. As much as I loved her, I knew she wouldn’t be around forever.
It’s different with Willa. I can’t explain it, can’t find the right words to express what her leaving means, how much I’ll be devastated.
“I think I’ll take one last soak in your tub before I pack up.” She wraps her arms around her middle, leaving so much unsaid.
