Page 87 of A Not So Merry Rescue
“On the back roads to the B and B, you’re good until two-ish easy. Straight down Main and to the high school? By one-thirty.” There’s more excitement in his voice the more he speaks.
“And which vehicle do you drive?”
“The last one. You can’t miss it.” He stands up, stretching hisarms above his head, giving me another delicious view of his abs. “I’m going to be late if I don’t shower. If you want a ride, be ready in twenty.” He doesn’t give another option. Because his choice is for me to ride with him. Yet, I haven’t even decided if I’m going.
Part of me feels like I owe it to him. He’s done so much for me, the least I can do is sit and watch a parade, something he takes great pride in. He’s been so invested in my stuff, I should do the same. The whole celebrating, being joyous and festive, has me hesitating.
What if it’s too much?
What if I have another emotional breakdown?
What if I ruin a parade for a town that adores Christmas?
“Okay.” It’s a whisper, all I can manage. I don’t want to give in and not be okay, but I also want to support him, not be the one to cause the smile on his face and the spark in his eyes to disappear. I can’t be that person.
Iwon’tbe that person.
It’s time to shit or get off the pot.
Kinda wish I knew which way to lean . . .
My heart in my chest, my nerves are running the show.
I follow Beckett’s directions to the B and B, maneuvering his SUV down the long driveway. Holiday lights illuminate the old white Victorian house, but against the daytime sky, they aren’t as luminous. A small crowd of people gathers to the right of the driveway, but he mentioned by the time the parade rolls down the street, the front lawn would be packed. I find a spot in the back lot, one of the last few.
I chose not to have Beckett drop me off because I wanted the freedom of the car in case an immediate escape was necessary. Not that I’ll be able to get the car out if something happens, but it gave me a little more peace of mind. The way my brain’s going crazy and keeping up with my erratic heart rate, I’m grabbingonto any slice of peace and clinging with both hands. It’s giving me the grounding I need.
Because I’m not grounded in the slightest. I’m all out of sorts, wondering what the hell I’m doing here and why I made this decision.
Beckett.
A smile finds my lips at the mere thought of the man. I’m here for him. And maybe a little for myself, too. To prove I can do this. Not ruin other people’s fun and take away their joy. To reclaim my own. Elias isn’t coming back. It’s not the holiday’s fault he was killed. I’ve got to let go of these depressed feelings and let myself live again.
One event at a time, I’m going to regain the happiness, the delight, the Christmas holiday offers. I doubt it will be easy, but if not now, when?
Seems like Winterberry Junction is the perfect place to start. And if my emotions overwhelm me, it will be a distant memory in a few days. No one will remember the crazy girl who ruined the town’s Christmas.
My phone rings, and I dig it out from my bag.
“How are you holding up?” is Clem’s greeting.
We texted yesterday about dinner with the Nicholas family, but I didn’t tell her what I was up to.
“I’m a little freaking out, to be honest.” I whisper the words, so they don’t get past the car. As if anyone’s around and paying me any attention.
“Is he pressuring you to celebrate today?”
“No, the opposite.” I suck in a big breath, exhaling it out slowly. “I’m choosing to celebrate. Rather, watch the town’s parade.”
“Willa, that’s?—”
I cut her off. “Crazy? Idiotic? Insane? The worst decision I’ve ever made in my life?” I’m more dramatic than I’m pretending to be.
“I was going to say amazing. I’m proud of you, kid.”
Her words uncover something buried deep inside, first shaken loose by circumstances of the past few days. Tears spring to my eyes, but I will them not to fall. I can’t get out of the car and take part in the festivities this emotional.
“Thank you. You don’t know how much I needed to hear that. I’ll even excuse the ‘kid’ part.”
