Page 46 of The Monster of Hotel No. 7
“Tell me whatyou’vewanted,” she presses, her voice frantic and wild,sheis the monster now. “Tell me how you’ve imagined me at your mercy. I can take it.Tell me, Sullen.”
My nostrils flare and I keep my hands up, away from her. “I have always daydreamed about kidnapping you and taking you apart since we were teenagers. Touching your hair and smearing the lipstick on your mouth. Forcing you to call out my name as I bite deep enough to scrape bone. Breaking your legs, so you couldn’t run away. Keeping you under my bed so you couldn’t leave me alone.”
“Keep going,” she challenges. “I’m not scared of you.”
“Because you are spoiled and pampered, and you don’t know true danger. There are many rumors about me, but there are some about you, too. Stein told me you informed your parents you would go to college to become a teacher. You said you wanted to build minds instead of break them. You are naive and hopeful and you are stupid for it, in this life.”
Her eyes flash a deeper blue and she surges against the straps around her arms, the clanking loud in the dark, but she gets nowhere, and I imagine the band over her throat digging into her skin. “It’s because of those things that I helpedyouhide from bigger monsters than yourself. I could’ve given you to them, let Cosmo hurt you, but I didn’t because of mystupidity.”
I like the way her voice breaks with her rage, her eyes narrowed into blue diamonds in the gloom. I like how she doesn’t mention what I did to the guard, as if she wants to forget what I truly am. “Yes,” I agree. “And perhaps that is the stupidest thing you have done, saving me.”
“Do all the girls you tie up enjoy hearing you degrade them? I don’t think it’s a kink of mine.”
I widen my eyes, my limbs rigid as I stare at her, palms still up.
“Is this the kind of thing that gets you off? How many women have you been with? What’s the worst thing you ever said to them?” Then she violently lets her knees fall to the side, straps clanking. I can imagine the lines and muscles of her thighs pulled taut, but I know what she’s done because thescentof her is thick and divine in the air.
I am trembling everywhere.
“Go on. Finger me and tell me again how stupid I am. I would hate to be a bad captive for you, Sullen.”
“Every word you say makes you stupider and stupider.” But I can’t help it. I reach for her then and glide my palm over her thigh, other hand curled into a fist on my lap. Despite her angry tone and rushed words, her legs quake a little with my movement. I cover the spot between her thighs with my hand. It is so warm here. “What color are these?” I breathe out, feeling the scrap of her underwear.
“Pink.”It sounds as if there is a sneer on her pretty face with the word.
I flick at the edge of what I think is silk with my gloved thumb, then I feel short hairs there, the texture of them anyway.
My pulse pounds harder. Vicious. I have stolen moments of watching porn before, and I always preferred this to something more bare. Perhaps because Stein forced me to wax myself, growing up. The purer his experiment, he said, the closer to God. It didn’t make sense to me; purity was something untouched. But it didn’t stop him from giving me a cursory inspection after he locked me in my bathroom every week.
He gave that up after he sent me away. I guess when he realized my death was approaching, waxing my groin was simply unnecessary in his eyes.
I cup her tighter and listen to her shaky intake of breath as I meet her gaze once more.
She is glaring at me. I wish I could see her exposed breasts. The way she is entirely bared to me. “How am I getting stupider?” she gasps out. “Or is this what you always say to your projects when you get to this part? Push your finger inside me, feel how being brainless makes me wet for you.”
It’s hard to breathe, when she says that, but I manage to choke out, “I’ve never touched anyone before.” I hinted at it, when she was sedated, but she must not have believed me. Maybe she doesn’t remember.
And before she can respond, I press the heel of my gloved hand over the center of her, heat seeping toward my palm. I am unsure what to do, everything feels so soft here and I am scared to rip her apart, but she squirms a little in the chair, causing the buckles to clatter, and I take it as a good sign.
“You’re lying,” she whispers, some of the bite absent in her tone.
“I’m not. The only woman I ever had dance inside my head wasyou.”I feel sick admitting it, like the floor has tilted.
“Touch me more,” she whispers. “Push into me.” She arches her hips a little, grinding against my hand and breathing hard. There is a surge of warmth, of slickness I can detect through my glove, the way my palm slides. “Come on, Sullen. Don’t be a fucking coward.”
I snatch my hand away.
I close my eyes.
I feel shaky all over as I press my fingers over my mouth, breathing in the scent of her, tasting it on my lips. Animalisticwantwells up inside of me, straight through my chest, twisting in my gut, causing me to grow harder, so stiff it hurts. I am sweating everywhere.
But I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know how to touch anyone.
What am I doing here? Why am I letting her hate me more?
“Why did you never speak to me? Flirt with me? You said he hurt you for it, but I could’ve helped you. I tried to include you and you just… You never did anything with me. And why did you stop, just now? Is this not…am I not what you want any longer? What are we doing down here, Sullen? Why are we not running? What do you want from me?”
“Stop talking, Karia,” I whisper, pleading as my thoughts tumble inside my head.
