Page 83 of Like Grim Death: Part One
His lips twitch.
I bite my bottom one.
The steady static of Rain’s monitor plays between us.
A second later, the engine of a car roars, then wheels squeal on wet asphalt. I guess Nikita listened.
I swallow the lump in my throat as my husband’s eyes are locked on mine. My heart is racing, and I’m torn between wanting to kiss him and wanting to hit him. And in this moment, withthisfeeling, I remember watching him fuck Ophelia.
I remember what I did to her afterward.“You left a scar on my little sister.”
“That was… her brother?” I don’t speak her name, but Lucifer isn’t confused.
He nods once. “Why do you think she was my neighbor?” he asks quietly. “He grew up mostly in Moscow, she grew up in the dark. So she could… live. So her father could keep an eye on mine for the cult in Russia. Nikita is ashestyorka.”Despite the gravity of our conversation, the way he says the word is fucking hot. “An associate. A nobody. But he’s traveling with RC now, and I think he’s taking over the role his father once had with mine. Only… with me, now.”
I remember the story he told me, of seeing Jeremiah in the cage for the first time as punishment for revealing Sanctum to Ophelia. It brings everything into cutting clarity for me now. Lazar was angry because he was beingwatched.
My mouth goes dry. “Is that why you two were friends?” Maybe I just want it to be true. It would make his infidelity hurt less.
He studies me a moment before he answers. “I didn’t know all of this until recently, baby girl. But Lilith… she means nothing to me.” He glances over his shoulder, at the door he just pushed a bleeding Nikita out of.
I think of him stabbing the dealer, for me.
Twisted love. We have so much of it.
His eyes are on mine again.I am drowning.“You though?You’re everything.”
I blink, surprised to hear him say it. It’s like I can’t move, rooted here to the spot by his emotion.
“I’m sorry for the shit I said, upstairs.” He swallows hard. “You are anincredible mother.” His voice is hoarse.
My heart beats too fast. I feel suddenly dizzy. But his eyes plead with me to say something. Do something.Anything.“Thank you.” I want to say so much more than that.Do you have any idea how much those words mean to me? How muchyoumean to me, even when we fight? You are my savior, in every way that counts. You are an amazing father. Rain isluckyto have you, and so am I.
But I can’t say it. It’s stuck in my mouth, clogged with every emotion I’ve ever pushed down in my life, and there are so many of those.
Ignoring my spinning thoughts, I turn, swiping up the baggie from the floor, feeling as if I’m handling live ammunition. I look down at the scaly off-white coke, biting the inside of my cheek. “How would you feel, if I did it?” I won’t. My days of fucking up my life entirely with substances have passed, considering the baby that came from my body upstairs sleeping peacefully.
I just wonder sometimes.
Silence rings out for a tense moment, save for the soft static of Rain’s monitor.
Then Luce says, so quiet it’s barely more than a whisper, “Don’t break my heart again, baby girl.” I hear something solid in his words, something real. “I didn’t know he’d bring it. I could’ve guessed…” He trails off. There’s something knotted in his words. “It doesn’t matter. Just… don’t break my heart.” He says it again, his voice softer this time.
My chest feels heavy, and slowly, I turn to look at him.
He’s staring at me, and it’s nice to see his pupils look normal. It’s beautiful, noting the color of his irises. The shock of black curls against his pale skin, the bandana around his neck.
I take a deep breath and nod once, but in my head, he’s pushing me against the crib, the knife to my skin. In my mind, he’s holding a blade to my temple. It’s like I can feel the scar burn when I think about it. Like I’m Sid fucking Potter.
My stomach flexes, trying to hold in my laughter at my own thoughts, but I feel the bite marks then, a slice of pain through my hip, and I press my hand reflexively to it, trying to muffle the hurt.
A frown creases his brow. “Lilith…” He drops his eyes to my low belly. I know we’re thinking of the same thing.
I shake my head, waving his concern away with the motion. “I won’t,” I promise him about his heart, and I think I mean it as I turn my back to him and head down the hallway, toward the bathroom so I can flush all this shit.
“Yo,bro.”
I roll my eyes at Maverick’s greeting and stare into the gargoyle fountain in my backyard. Lilith and Rain are sleeping, I cleaned Nikita’s blood off the front porch, and now I have a phone in each hand. One pressed to my ear, Mav on the line, and a burner phone clenched tight in my fist.
