Page 62 of Like Grim Death: Part One
I know, I know, I know.
Water rushes all around me, drowning out my memories from Monday night. The ones that eclipsed even Mavy’s phone call to Sid. I shiver in the shower stall, clutching my fists tight to my chest. When Maverick carried me in here after he went down on me in the darkness, right there on the couch, I assumed he’d flick on the lights and fear seized through me again, nerves tangled up in my chest he would see all the secrets I’m supposed to keep from him. I have a story to tell, a tangle of lies to offer, but I know he’d see right through me.
He didn’t turn the light on though. He asked if I wanted the candles, I said yes, and now, I stand under the hot stream of water of our luxury shower, three heads, opaque glass, and dark gray tile.
He helped me in here with the flickering flames the only light, and I positioned my body in a way he wouldn’t see my betrayal from Monday night until I could slide the glass door shut, giving him only a glimpse of my shadow. It’s a small mercyhe’snot showering tonight.
I hear him sigh and I know he’s positioned himself on a bench seat outside of the shower. I can imagine him with his head leaned back against the wall, in gym shorts and a hoodie, eyes closed, tattoos snaking up from the collar of his sweatshirt he shoved on in our bedroom.
I massage my hair with my fingertips, the eucalyptus and mint scent of my shampoo sparking my senses alive even as the rest of me feels heavy with grogginess.
“You must be tired of all these secrets between us.” His words are soft, and I close my eyes against the steady stream of water, letting it run through the shampoo in my hair. “But I wouldn’t keep anything from you unless I knew it was…for the best.” He sounds tired too, and I think of him with Rain before everything happened last night. He never put the kid down, save to change his diapers.
Jealousy of something I don’t understand coils through me as I just stand under the hot water, letting steam fog up the glass walls and soothe the healing marks along my thighs.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, and I’m not sure he heard me. “I think I get it.” And I do, more than he knows.
“You know, before I went to Sanctum, I saw Atlas, after I dropped Rain off.” He says it so fucking casually.
My eyes snap open, some of the relaxation leaving my muscles as they tense. Even still, I keep my voice cautious. “Oh?” Despite the fact it makes no sense, mental images of him with Sid flash through my head and I feel heat in my chest. I don’t want to be so jealous of her, but she isn’t very nice to me. Besides, I know the connection she has with Maverick. I can see it. It kind of eats at me, because I don’t feel he loves me the way he loves her.
I swallow down my confused thoughts and press a hand to my soft belly. Squishy, despite the workouts I’ve done. I pinch my skin, water beading down my full breasts.
Then I think of how he pinned me to the couch to fuck me with his tongue, only moments ago.He wantsme.
I release the loathing grip I have on myself and turn, grabbing the conditioner bottle from the shelves built into the shower. I squeeze too much cold conditioner into my palm, but I let myself take a breath in his strange silence, setting the bottle back and raking my fingers through my wavy, red strands.
“How often do you talk to him?” He keeps his voice light and innocent, but I know Maverick. He’s anything but.
I bring my wet hair over one shoulder, slathering the ends in conditioner, the bright scent helping me think quickly, on my feet. “Hardly ever. But he says you don’t reply to his group chat messages.” This is true.
A snort. “I don’t reply to any fucking group chats.”
I smile in the darkness of the shower.Also true.
“Just be careful with him, okay, pretty girl?”
I’m not surprised at his casual directive. I murmur my assent. Our relationship is pretty clear cut. He leads, I follow. The few secrets I’m hanging onto, I wouldn’t even bother if I didn’t think, in the end, they’d benefithim.I want his attention, his aggression, his commands.
And yeah, maybe I need more of it. Lately, he’s been so caught up in being a new uncle and taking on work from the 6 so Lucifer doesn’t have to that I’ve felt pushed to the sidelines.
But it’s these moments, when he tells me what to do…I feel like I matter. I feel like he loves me. And I think, Ihope,when I obey, it’s love he feels too.
“Some shady shit is happening at work, and I think he’s involved.”
I frown, sliding my palm down the length of my hair before I wrap my arms around myself and huddle with my back to the shower. The warmth helps soothe the bruises and I want to let the conditioner set.
“Why do you think that?” I don’t usually ask questions, but Atlasisdoing shady shit, and my heart is pounding violently inside my chest, hoping Maverick doesn’t find out my part in it.
Another sigh, like he’s ready for bed.
I step back under the water, letting it rinse my hair for a final time.
“Remember Natalie?”
I tip my chin up as the water falls over my back, the ends of my hair plastered halfway down my spine. I keep my arms wrapped around my body.
Of course I remember Natalie. She’s the entire reason I met Maverick, inviting me to the New Year’s party at Liber.
