Page 139 of Like Grim Death: Part One
A second passes. Then another. And in the next blink, he releases my hair only to slam his palms on the counter beside me, trapping me beneath him.
I cross my arms over my chest like I can ward off his wrath. “What happened?” I demand. “This morning, what happened? You wouldn’t have shot at someone like that if something didn’t happen.”
He smiles. “You think our problems startedthis morning?”he mocks me. He aligns his nose with mine. “Say her name.”
Hot anger courses through me. “Which name?” I whisper the words, lifting my chin. I’m not unfamiliar with devils, which he always seems to forget. My arms are still over my chest, and I squeeze them tighter, hugging myself more as I stare up at him. His head is bowed, and our lips are only inches apart. “Which name do you want me to say?”Angel. Lilith. Sid. Baby girl.Once, I even heard Lucifer call herlove.
I know Mavy sees the anger on my face, because his smile widens as the tip of his nose nudges mine. Our gazes are locked, and for a moment, he doesn’t speak.
But then he does.“All of them.”His voice is low, but he enunciates each word very, very carefully.
It feels as if I’ve missed a step. Like I’ve jumped from one of the mountains I used to gaze out at in wonder, back in West Virginia. There’s a strange sweetness to the fall, but it’s enveloped in a chaotic bitterness, like blood on my tongue.
“Fuck you.”I whisper it, but the venom is loud. “Get away from me.Fuck you.”
His eyes flash and one of his hands comes to my throat, gripping tight as he knocks my head back against the cabinet and tips my chin up. “Say them. Every one. Everything you’ve heard me call her and Lucifer too.” He angles his head, his minty breath coasting over my mouth.“Say them.”
My knees feel weak. I push at his chest, his skin hot under my fingers even over his shirt. His muscles flex, but I know it takes him minimal effort to stay where he is. “Get off me.”
He presses his lips to mine, kissing me harshly. I don’t open my mouth, but he bites down on my bottom lip, hard, then tugs it out as he pulls back. Finally, he releases it from between his teeth only to say, “You listen to every word I say, Ella. I’m notasking.Say. Her.Names.”
“Or what?” I keep my voice low, but I challenge him all the same, my bottom lip stinging. “What if I don’t? What if I attack her like you attacked Atlas—”
He releases my throat and presses his palm over my mouth, silencing me. He twists my head to the side as he leans in toward my ear. “There is nowhat if.”He laughs, the softest sound. It sends a shiver down my spine, and I flex my fingers, my nails scraping against his chest. “You don’t disobey me.” I feel myself turning to mush with every word he speaks, and I hate it. Why am I so subservient? Why can’t I defy him? How is it that Lilith can hit back at Lucifer with every word they exchange? How can she run so easily? How can she leave him and give him up and turn her back on him? I was kidnapped too. I was taken and used as a pawn too. And I never left.
But she must not feel this way when Lucifer tries to dominate her. She must not experience this borderline euphoria at hearing him tell her what to do. Because for me… I live for these moments. I feel loved, even when he’s making me do things that are the opposite of loving.
Now, he waits. The seconds drag on. Maybe minutes, I don’t know. My eyes are closed, like I can carve the feeling from my veins this way. Like if I don’t look, it’ll be easier to defy him. If I keep quiet and still right here, he’ll see the way this will hurt me. He’ll know I don’t want to do this.
He still doesn’t say anything, but his grip on my mouth tightens, his fingers digging into my jawline.
I squeeze my eyes tighter shut. “Sid.” I start with the easiest one, but even those three letters taste vile on my tongue. My voice is muffled against his hand.
He scrapes his teeth against my jawline, and I flinch. “Good girl. Keep going.” There’s an undercurrent of mirth in his command. Like he knows I started light.
“Lilith.” I cough as I speak it, but I manage to get it out. I’ve heard Lucifer say it so many times, it’s like her real name now, when he’s around.
Mavy presses his body to mine. I feel how hard he is, against my stomach. “Keep going.” I’m not sure what’s turning him on, and I don’t know if I want to know. I swallow the tightness in my throat, hoping I’ll be able to speak clearly with the next one.
“Love.” I choose it because it isn’t… Maverick’s name for her.
Mavy dives down, his nose against my neck as he presses a kiss there, just where my shoulder begins. “You’re so good at this.” He runs his bottom lip over my skin, and his hold on my jaw doesn’t loosen. “One more.”
My breaths come in pants beneath his palm on my mouth. My nostrils flare and I feel my insides twist into knots. I know the nickname. I hate that he even has one for her. I take a breath in. I exhale through my nose. Then I whisper it quietly, the word stifled under his hand.“Angel.”
He presses me entirely against the counter and the lingering ache in my thighs sting, but I don’t let myself whimper. He’s still holding my head up with his grip on my jawline, so my chin is lifted. He kisses along the side of my neck, toward my throat, licking a line up to the underside of my jaw. Then he lifts his head and presses his temple to mine after he turns my face back toward him. He drops his hand to my throat, and I feel cool air against my lips. “Was that so bad?”
“It gets you hard.” I don’t know why I say those words, but I can’t stop them. My chest rises and falls so fast, like the beats of my heart inside my ribcage. “It turns you on, when I talk about her.”
The corner of his mouth lifts, and he reminds me of Lucifer for a moment, with this crooked smile. “No.” He licks at the seam of my lips, and I part them, wanting to kiss him now the moment is over. But he pulls back, and I dig my nails deeper into his chest. “She doesn’t do anything for me. Not like that.” He arches his hips, his dick against me, and I know what he means bylike that.“That’s all you.”
“Then why did you make me say it?” I blurt out as his fingers close tighter around my throat. “Why did you order me to sit in your lap last night and take off my shirt and—”
“You said it yourself, Ella.Humiliation.I get off onhumiliatingyou.” The words are sharp. I’m not surprised, logically, but my emotions feel all over the place.I get off on humiliating you.“It turns me on, seeing you embarrassed and helpless and full of so much disgust with yourself.”
I don’t like this. Not at all. I knew it, on some level, but to hear it, to witness how hard he gets, how much he enjoys this, it makes me feel very low. Even though Ilikebeing degraded, I guess I just… don’t like hearing it all out loud. It’s hard to sort my emotions. I can’t find any clarity on how I’m feeling right now. “Mavy…”
He runs his bottom lip over mine. “Shh, I’m not done.”
