Page 101 of Like Grim Death: Part One
I feel bodies on mine, hear the soft, even breathing of many people sleeping. But it’s a gasp in my dry throat, and I sit up like they do in the goddamn movies, looking around like I’malarmedto be alive.
But this isn’t a fucking movie. There’s no end to this scene.
The guys shift, rolling over with nothing more than a grunt. Cain is at my feet, his broad back to me. Blinking heavy, dry eyes, realizing exactly where I am and remembering bits and pieces of what I did, I bury my head in my hands, pulling my knees to my chest. I have on sweats, but no shirt, and I start to shiver as I sit in the deprivation room surrounded by the guys who would allegedly die for me and all I want to do is run home to Sid.
A groan works its way up from my gut, and I squeeze my eyes shut tight. I feel the memory of the girl on me. Inhaling, I catch the fucking scent of her too, alongside incense, which makes my skin crawl.
The girl.
The… guy.
The initiate.
Our introduction.
I scratch my short nails down my face and push to my feet, feeling dizzy in the darkness of the cement-floored room with the sudden movement. I want to fucking scream.
Why are we like this? Why do wedothis?
My heart is racing and I know I’m dehydrated and coming down from whatever the fuck it is the girl gave me last night, but… I remember mouths all over me. The girl dry fucking me.
Trying to hold onto Sid’s face. To the fact I have a family now and the last thing I want to do is fuck it up. The last thing I want tobeis like my own father. He had no ethics, no morals, and sometimes, I think I’ve already lost all mine too. I don’t think I can get them back, but even criminals need a code. Maybe more so than most others, because it is the only thing we can hold onto in a life of twisted chaos.
I don’t realize how fast I’m breathing, how shallow my inhales and exhales are, until I feel a palm pressed flat to the base of my spine.
I know that touch, even before he speaks, his mouth by my ear.
“Breathe,” he whispers.
I think of another time he said just that to me. My face burns hot, and I shrug my shoulders, turning and pushing him off me. He drops his hand immediately, and in the dark, it’s hard to see, but his eyes are such a pale fucking blue, I know I’m looking right at them.
I don’t say anything, and he doesn’t either.
For a second, I regret shoving him away. For a moment in time, I want to close the distance between us. I want to throw my fucking arms around him. I want to beg him to burn this to the ground with me. Fuck the 6, fuck RC, and fuck everything that isn’t our chosen families.
But even in these fleeting minutes of desperation, I know better. I know I can’t get away, save through death. And even then… with Rain depending on me, on his mother, I wouldn’t escape. They’d use him, abuse him, maybe they’d murder him just to be done with the Malikov name.
I think of my uncle and grit my teeth.
At mine and Mav’s feet, the others stir, shifting on the floor, exhaling, yawning.
I don’t look down.
My brother and I don’t look away from each other.
Then he says, so quietly I wonder if I’m the only one who hears him, “You know I’ve got you.”
I think of the burner phone. The video of Cain and Atlas. Ella being led into darkness. Of stabbing this man in front of me in the back. One of the few people in the world I know would die for me.
I open my mouth. I want to tell him. But I think of a bond even stronger than this one. My son in my arms. My whole world.
And I close my mouth and swallow the pieces of loyalty I’ve shattered between us. They scrape my throat on the way down.
* * *
“Why’s it just you?” I don’t sit as Elijah’s dark green gaze narrows on me. I stand at the end of the cement table in the Council room, a pentagram etched in the center just like it was at our previous location.
The massive fire made the news, and maybe there were conspiracy theories spread around on fucking social media I’ve never had the luxury of using, but ultimately… Jeremiah’s actions were symbolic. He was trying to do something for my wife. Trying to burn away her past in any way he could.
