Page 174 of Ominous: Part 1
I shift a little in my seat, and her fingers grip my hair, playing with the strands just over my neck. I see her knuckles go white as she tangles her other hand tighter in her skirt.
“Cool?” I echo.
She smiles, the apple of her cheek rising upward as she does. “Yeah.Cool.”
“Why do you sound sad about it?” Because she does. She’s smiling, and she seems happy, but there’s something in her tone. Maybe I missed it at first, because I’m so horny I think I’m going to die of it, but I hear it now.
She shrugs one shoulder and I stare at it, the tan line just visible from the white strap of her tank top slipping down an inch. “I’m not sad.”
I squeeze her hip tighter. “Hey. Look at me.”
Slowly, she turns her head, then wraps both arms around my neck, tilting her chin as she looks up at me through long lashes. “What?”
I let go of my mouse, holding her close with both hands parked on either side of her hips. “What’s wrong?”Is it the shit she just saw? Did I just go to far?
She tries to smile it away, but she ducks her eyes when she does. “Nothing.”
I tip her chin up with one finger, drawing her gaze back to me. “Don’t be lame. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She rolls her eyes and tries to turn her head out of my grip, but I place my palm on the side of her face and guide her back to me again.
“Bloor is so far away.” She finally says it. What she’s really thinking, her eyes searching mine. They look greener in this light, even with the blue lights of my room the only thing on. Maybe they’re green when she’s sad or something. I don’t know. Not yet.
“It’s four hours. Not far at all.”
She frowns. “Four hours is a lot for you.”
She’s not wrong, but I just shake my head. “Where is this coming from?” I rub my thumb over her bottom lip, and she nuzzles her face into my hand, her fingers still playing with the strands of hair at my neck.
“I just like you a lot, that’s all.” She laughs a little, to lighten the mood. To make it a joke. She doesn’t even look at me when she says it.
I know what she’s thinking. This will end when we graduate. Maybe she’s right. I can’t see any world where she stays. I can’t see any version of the future where I do the right thing. I can lie, though. Then. Now. I lie like I breathe. I don’t even think about it. I know why I do it, thanks to years of therapy. To get what I want. Tomanipulate.That fucking word, like I just think all day long about how to get the most out of people while hurting them in the greatest capacity. Like I’m just a monster or some shit. A different species.
I don’t think that way.
I just… want things. People. Then, I don’t. I lose interest. What’s wrong with that anyway?
Before I say anything to her, I drop my hand from her face, which causes her to squirm in my lap, turning back to the computer and leaning against my chest, probably hoping I’ll drop this entire conversation.
I open up my music app and shuffle it to another song. “All I See”by Lydia starts playing, and I don’t think I could’ve planned a better song. Then I pick her up, easy to do with as small as she is, and turn her around completely in my lap. She makes a noise of protest, but she’s grabbing at my shoulders to steady herself, her knees splayed on either side of my hips as she looks down at me through her curtain of hair, a pink blush on her cheeks.
“Eli, what are you—”
“I like you a lot too.” I keep my hands parked on her hips as I lean back in my chair, looking up at her. “I like you so, so much.” I can’t stop my smile, mirrored with hers as she tries to play it off, rolling her eyes and turning her head. “I like your hair, and your eyes, and your smile, and yourpoisonnecklace, and your body, and your voice, and the way you like to fight because it feels easier than beingsweet,huh?”
Her face is now the lightest shade of red, and it’s fucking adorable, the way she squeezes her eyes shut tight. “Shut up,” she mutters.
I squeeze her more, and her eyes come to mine. “Excuse me?”
She arches a brow. “You won’t do it.”
For several seconds, we just listen to the song as we stare at each other, her body so soft beneath my fingers. So warm in my lap. I think about the fantasy, but there’s a time and place for everything. So I just say, “No.” It’s like a whisper, the words jagged. “I won’t.”
“Why not?” There’s something vulnerable and open in her face when she asks. She licks her lips, a nervous smile pulling at them.
I sit up a little straighter, bringing our mouths closer together, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, her hair all around us. “Because,” I say, dropping my eyes to her lips, then back up. “I like you too much.”One day, I will. But not today.In my head, I hear my own words, and I meant them.I protect you.
She looks stunned with that answer. Like she’s never really believed anything I’ve said this past month. Like she still doesn’t believe it now. She’s completely still.
