Page 83 of Boy of Ruin
How I begged.
Never again.
My fingers tighten around this girl’s throat.
I think about Kameron and feel a wave of remorse.
Maybe she didn’t deserve that, but it felt good, to have the power for once. After nearly a decade without it…goddamn, it felt good.
I pull back from the girl, reaching for the waistband of my pants.
But then her eyes open wide, that drunken smile still on her lips.
And I see the color of her irises.
No.
It can’t be her.
There’s a pain in my chest, and I feel cold all over as she squirms beneath me, her full lips still turned up, her eyes fluttering closed.
I grab her chin. “Open your eyes, Lilith,” I whisper, leaning down over her, letting go of my pants, planting my hand on the bed made just for this down here. I shake her, gently slapping her face. “Open your eyes, open your eyes.” I say it over and over, shocked I can still breathe.
No, no, no. It’s not…it’s not her…
My hands were all over her. My fingers were inside of her.
I hurt her.
She doesn’t know it, but I fucking hurt her.
“Open your eyes,” I whisper again, praying in my head. It isn’t true. It’s not true.
Slowly, she blinks, resting her bleary gaze on me.
Silver. Like a nickel.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t fucking breathe.
I take in her brown hair, short, to her chin. Her petite frame. Upturned nose.
No.
Fuck.
I scream it out loud, sitting on my heels, her body beneath me. My dick is hard, my blood pounding, lust and anger fighting inside of me and I was going to take it all out in the only way I can. The only way I know how.
But not with her.
I’d never fucking do that to her.
I hit myself, my hand over my face, over and over and over again, tears blurring my vision, that lump growing tighter in my throat.
I don’t stop until my face burns, until my palms sting, until her eyes are closed and she drifts off to sleep, brought under by the drink I drugged her with.
I bow my head, a sob tearing through my throat as I bury my head in my hands, my chest heaving.
