Page 118 of Boy of Ruin
“Stop.” He shakes his head, pulling back enough to take me in entirely. “I don’t want your excuses for leaving. I know the reason you did.”
I grit my teeth as I stare up at him, sure whatever he thinks is fucking wrong.
“The fucking nightmares? My…pain? You can’t stand it,” he says, his words little more than a snarl. “You can’t stand that I might hurt just as bad you fucking do.”
My chest tightens with those words. With the way I always knew he was falling apart, but I couldn’t help him because so was I.
“And more than that? You can’t stand being away from him. He’s got you on a fucking leash.” His hand slides from my face to my neck, and I stiffen, holding my breath, but he doesn’t apply much pressure. He glances down at his hand, at my neck, and I see that disgust in his eyes. “You’re addicted to him, and he can’t get enough of you.”
“That’s not—”
“Shut the fuck up, Sid. I’m not done talking.”
I try to pull away from him, but his hand leaves my face and comes to my arm, wrapping around my bicep.
“We’re not fucking done here.”
“Lucifer, get your hands off of—”
“Shut. The fuck. Up. For once in your fucking life, you’re going to listen to me, you got it?”
I glare at him, my nails digging into his chest, through his shirt. Gritting my teeth, I don’t say anything. If he wants to scream at me, it’ll only help me remember why I left. Why this can never be.
“He’s going to hurt you, Sid. He’s going to really hurt you. When he does, you’ll wanna come running back to me. But here’s the thing, baby girl.” He smiles at me, and I feel lightheaded, dizzy, as if I would faint without his hands on me. Even the one around my throat. There’s something familiar about it.
Some kind of sick comfort.
“I don’t want you anymore.”
My mouth goes dry.
“I’m tired of your fucking games.”
I can’t think.
“I’m tired of you.”
I open my mouth, but he glares at me, silencing me without a word. When he’s satisfied I’m not going to interrupt him, he keeps talking, digging the knife deeper into my heart. “You can keep fucking him. Keep getting on your knees for him, knowing he only wants to own you—”
“And what the fuck do you want?” I scream at him, unable to keep my mouth shut any longer. I shove him, but he doesn’t move, like a fucking wall. His grip on my arm, around my throat only grows tighter. “What the fuck do you think you feel toward me, Lucifer?”
He looks like he wants to kill me, that vein in his neck pulsing with his anger.
“You haven’t asked how I’ve been. Haven’t asked about your fucking child—”
“The one you don’t want to have?” He snorts, rolling his eyes. “You’re going to end this, Lilith, don’t act like you’re gonna go through with it. In fact, I think you kept it just for this. Just so I’d come back to you. But I’m not here to get you back. No, I’m setting you fucking free.” He releases me, stepping back, and my hands fall to my sides, no longer planted against his hard chest. He lifts up his arms in a shrug. “Do you, baby girl.” He smiles coldly at me. “I’m done. I came here to help you. But I don’t think you fucking need it.”
He takes another step backward and I want to run to him, but I don’t dare. It’s better this way. We were never made for each other, no matter what he wanted to believe. What I might’ve wanted to believe, once upon a time. We’re too bad for that. We’d set the whole fucking world on fire if we ever made this work.
But we’d burn right along with it.
“Where’s Jeremiah? And what about the 6?” I ask him, wondering what happens next. He can’t just let me go, and we both know it, unless he’s worked something out and that’s why he’s really here. But the way they took me from my own home, they don’t really seem like the type to “work something out.”
Lucifer flashes a white smile, running his palms together. “Better start running.” He pulls a lighter and a cigarette from the pocket of his sweats and places the cigarette in his mouth. “You’ve always been fucking good at that.”
He inhales, the cherry on his cigarette glowing bright in the dark room. “But watch your back, baby girl. I won’t be there anymore to do that for you. And it’s not just us you have to look out for now.” He exhales smoke through his nose, eyes still on mine as a chill makes its way down my spine. “There’s something worse coming for you.”
I laugh, bitter and low. “I don’t think there’s anything worse than you, Lucifer.”
