Page 66 of Ecstasy
I keep one hand on her throat, holding her down. I straddle her legs, keeping them down, too, and with my free hand I push two fingers into her, circle her clit with my thumb.
She’s still grabbing onto the edge of the stairs, but under the water, she opens her eyes.
I’m leaned over her, sitting on her legs on the steps, but pinning her down with my other hand. I’m looking right at her face as I work my fingers in and out of her, under the water.
I add another finger, three inside of her as I stroke her, my hand cramping with the effort. Do I want her to die?
No.
That’s why I have to work harder.
I do, her legs shaking under my body, but she tries to sit up. Using her hands to push her off the stairs, her chest thrusts against my hold on her but I’m not done. She’s not done. I keep her down.
Her eyes are wide, bubbles coming from her mouth, popping at the surface. She’s panicking, bucking underneath me, but her legs are still shaking, and I can feel her swelling against my fingers.
She’s so close.
She’s still scared though, thrashing under the water, more bubbles streaming from her mouth. She’s freaking out, and if she keeps doing that, she won’t finish.
Fuck.
I roll my eyes, pull my fingers out of her, grab her by the throat and haul her up to a seated position. She gasps for breath, grabbing my arm, trying to pry my fingers from her throat. Her nose is running, and she can barely breathe, her breaths short and shallow and so damn loud.
“Calm down.”
She’s staring at me like I’m a goddamn murderer, digging her nails into my forearm, scratching at my hand. I’ll have claw marks over the clock and skull tattoo on my hand, andshit, the way she’s digging those long nails in, I might be bleeding, too.
She manages to say my name,“Eli,” on a gasp as she tries in vain to pry me off her throat.
I grab her arm, too, and yank her into my lap as I turn to sit on the top step, her between my thighs.
I wrap an arm around her chest, pulling her back against me, wrapping my legs around her thighs so she can’t get up.
“Calm down,” I say against her ear. “Breathe. Trust me.”
She’s still gripping my forearm, but she’s not scratching at me anymore. She tries to slow her breathing, and then she starts to shake in my arms. I can feel her pulse beneath my arm over her chest. It’s erratic, wild and reckless just like her.
“You’re okay,” I tell her, my mouth against her ear.
If Alex walks out here, he might kill us both. I need her to calm the fuck down, because I need to get off and I want to get her off. And there’s only so much time we have to do that.
“You’re okay, baby girl.”
She takes another deep breath, leaning back against me, still trembling.
“Don’t hurt me,” she tells me, her voice a ragged whisper. “Don’t hurt me.”
“I’m not,” I promise her. “I won’t.”
“Don’t hurt me, Eli.” She’s saying it again, over and over, like a chant or a mantra, like something to keep me from doing it. Like she’s insane.
But she should know people don’t do what you want just because you beg them.
I close my eyes, think about Mom leaving even though I begged. Think about when she walked out the door for the last time.
All the fighting was done.
All the arguments were done.
