Page 49 of Ecstasy
Eli fucking lied. He lied to him. We got away with it, and he screwed it all up.
“I didn’t, I don’t know what you—”
“Tell me the truth, Zara.” Alex’s voice is still strained, his eyes still closed.
And I want to tell him. For one wild second, I want to tell Alex. I want to tell him that Eli is a fucking liar. That something is wrong with his best friend. Eli Addison is not right. He’s full of shit, and I didn’t fucking flash him, he fingered me.
I want to tell him, but I can’t do it.
I’m not that brave. Eli put me in this position, and he knows it. He fucking knows it.
I’m going to kill him.
The only thing I can do is deny it. “I don’t know what you’re—”
Alex’s eyes fly open and he grabs my throat, his brow still pressed to mine. “Stop fucking lying to me, Za! Stop fucking lying!”He’s breathing hard, his eyes locked onto mine. “I am so fucking sickof your bullshit!” But his voice breaks on those last words.
And there’s more than anger there.
He’s scared.
He’s scared for me.
“Alex…”
His grip on my throat loosens and he slides his hand down to my shoulder, then up through my hair, his fingers grazing my scalp. The little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and he steps closer to me, between my thighs.
I lift my hands, run them over his back, feeling the strength in his muscles. His warm, smooth skin. He’s so familiar to me. His body is so…mine.
“Don’t lie to me, Zara. I can’t do this with you if you lie to me.”
I swallow, wanting to hide under these sheets. Wanting to run out of this room to disappear from his life. I think about him seeing me with Jamal. I think about how he carried me out of that house without saying a word after he beat the shit out of Jamal.
I think about how he took me home, still not speaking.
I think about everything he’s done for me.
Everything I’ve done to him.
“I—”
“Do you remember?” he asks me, his fingers still massaging my scalp, his breath on my mouth. He smells like toothpaste. Different from Eli, from that cotton candy scent his mouth seems to have.
Don’t think about Eli.
“Do you remember?” Alex asks again. “He said you took your shirt off. He said you tried to kiss him. He said you… Fuck, Zara.If you don’t even remember…” His expression is one of anguish, his brow furrowed, jaw tight, lips pulled down. “Baby, if you don’t even remember, you could’ve…”
“I don’t,” I lie to him, my lip trembling, and not from sadness. Not from the reason he thinks. My drug problem isn’t a problem. I’m fine. It’s everything else that’s a mess. And Eli is going to fucking die. He’s essentially blackmailed me into this shit. “I don’t remember. I’m so sorry, Alex, I don’t. I must’ve been out of it. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I think you should come to the funeral,” he tells me quietly. “I think you need to know what could happen to you, Zara. I don’t want anything bad…” He trails off, takes a shaky breath in. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” His fingers are still in my hair, and he’s got one arm around my back.
My mouth is so dry, my heart racing. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. Something bad ishappening to me, I want to tell him. I’m the bad thing.Happening to my fucking self.
But saving me from doing anything at all, there’s a soft knock at the door.
I flinch, and Alex drops his hand from my hair but keeps his other arm thrown around my back as he turns to face the door. “Come in,” he calls softly.
No, please don’t.
