Page 72 of The Cruelest Chaos
“—whoeveryou fucking want? And what about me? Can I bring men down here? Can I fuck them? You wanna grab brunch together in the morning, Mav, while we send them on their way? Maybe pack their lunches for the day?” She looks like she’s about to burst into tears and I don’t want to deal with that. But surprising me, her voice just grows stronger. “Who was she?” she demands. “Have you fucked her before?” She glares at me. “Do I know her?”
I feel my blood growing hot, sweat beading on the back of my neck and I want to break something. My fingers dig into my arms, hard. “That’s none of your fucking business.”
“Oh ho,” Ria spits, “so now you’reprotectingher?” She shakes her head, winds her fingers through her hair in frustration. “She must be something, Maverick, if she’s got you so wound up like this.”
I can’t take this shit anymore. I know what I’m doing is wrong. I don’t need her to rub it in my face. I’m doing the only thing I think I can do, and she’s not making it any easier. “Do you need anything?” I ask her through gritted teeth, moving toward the stairs.
She drops her hands and takes a step toward me. “Don’t leave,” she whispers.
I take another step away from her.
She shakes her head. “No, Mav. Please don’t leave. I’m sorry, I—”
“Stop apologizing to me!” I yell at her, my hands balled into fists. “And stop begging me to stay while you’re fucking at it!”
She freezes.
“You don’t want me, Ria,” I tell her, chest heaving. “You don’t want me, and I don’t want you. I’m sorry I put you into this shit, but we both know nothing will change between us. Maybe one day,” I swallow down my emotions, clear my throat. “Maybe one day we’ll grow to love each other. Maybe one day we could be…more. But for now, you have to decide what it is you want to do. If I let you out of here, it won’t be long until they’re after you, Ria. No matter where you go.”
She just stares at me, her golden eyes full of pain.
“But if you want to…try tobewith me, whatever that might look like for us…just say the word and I’ll do it. Whatever you want, I’ll do it.” I hate that I feel a pang of regret with those words. Hate that I think of Ella and how this is going to break her heart.
But Ria shakes her head, her lip trembling. She closes her eyes a second. And then when she looks back up at me, her brow creased, she answers me, just as she has for the past two months, “I don’t want to marry you, Maverick. Not now. Not ever.”
Rejection hurts, even if it’s from someone you don’t want, either. I’m willing to throw my entire future in the trash for her, and she…well, she’s smarter than me. Stronger than me, because she isn’t willing to do that.
“You want me to let you go?” I ask her softly.
“Would you?”
I don’t know. “Yes,” I lie. “If that’s what you want.”
“When will they come for me?”
“You’d probably have about four weeks.”Noctem.
She sighs. “Give me time to think about it.” Then she turns around, sits back down on her bed and buries her head in her hands.
* * *
I don’t wantto bring Ella with me to Lucifer’s, but I don’t want to leave her, either. She was just waking up when I came upstairs from dealing with Ria, sitting up in my bed and yawning. She didn’t ask why I didn’t sleep with her. I stayed until she fell asleep, and maybe she thought that was enough.
Maybe she needs distance between us, too. Maybe she already knows this is doomed.
I give her a pair of white sweats, the tightest ones I’ve got, and a black hoodie. I’m wearing all black, skeleton bandana around my throat, lacing up my boots by the front door.
“Where are we going?” she asks. Something about her tone makes me feel…good.It’s like she doesn’t want me to tell her I’m taking her home. Like she wants to…stay.
She’s standing in front of the door, dwarfed in my clothes, with borrowed black socks on.
I straighten as she pushes her feet into her white sneakers.
I glance down at them. “We’re going to my friend’s house.” I don’t sayLucifer,because she might try to fight me after the other night. “Two houses down. It’s raining outside. You’ll get those dirty.”
She laughs. “Oh,Mavy.I live on a dirt fucking road, genius.”
“What did you say to me?” I step closer to her and she tries to bite back her smirk.
