Page 107 of The Cruelest Chaos
“Mark, is it?”
I nod, my brain fuzzy. My words slurred. “Yes. Mark. Brown eyes. He paid for my drinks.”
“You’re too young to drink, baby.”
I want to rest my head against his chest. I want him to carry me to his car. To take me home. To tell me this has all been one awful dream.
But that girl.That girl.What he did… “You messed up,” I inform him.
He nods once. “I did.”
I angle my head to see him better, letting all of my body weight fall against him, his hand tightening around my back to keep me upright. “Mark is nice.”
“Ella, that’s enough about—”
“Mark is a good guy. He’ll be nice to me. He won’t hit me, you know, Maverick?”
Something flashes in his baby blue eyes but I don’t know what and I don’t know if I’m just seeing things because everything is blurry at the edges as he holds me up, close to his chest.
“He won’t hurt me and he won’t—”
He spins us around, shoving me against the wall, one hand on my throat so tight I suddenly can’t breathe. “That’s not what you want, Ella,” he informs me. “No one will fuck you like I can. Not fucking Mark. Not Connor. Not that asshole Shane.No one.Do you understand?”
I try to move my head but his fingers around my throat keep me from moving at all. I wonder if I’m going to pass out. I wonder if I want to.
“And besides that, you want me to hurt you. Right now, you want to hurt me, too. You hate me, but even still, Ella, even still…” He presses himself harder against me, my head knocking back against the wall. “You want to heal me, don’t you, pretty girl?” His grip tightens, and there’s going to be a bruise and I’m going to faint. “Hate me. Hurt me. Heal me,” he says again. “Well, come on, baby.Play God with me.”
I try to draw breath, but I can’t. My fingers move to his hand, trying to pry him off. I’m sick of playing with gods, and even as I scratch at his hand, try to get him to let go, I don’t think I’ll really care. If he wants to steal my breath, let him have it. Gods always win, in the end.
Even if we get down on our knees and bow our heads and say our prayers, they take our lives anyway, and he’s already got my heart. What’s my lifeless body to add to the offering?
He leans down close, his breath against my ear. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
I stop scratching at his hand.
“I’m sorry I did what I did. That girl didn’t mean anything to me. No one really means shit to me Ella, did you know that? I didn’t think I could ever fall so far and so fast for someone, and yet here you are. You were right, about not wanting to let anyone in. Not wanting to give my secrets away.”
Stars pop in front of my eyes and I stop struggling. Stop trying to push away from the wall. I let him squeeze me as hard as he wants, as long as I can hold onto these words. These whispered confessions.
“But I’m going to give them to you, Ella, because you deserve them. And you’re not going home withMark, and you’re not running back toConnor, and if I ever see fuckingShanein my life, I’ll kill him with no hesitation.”
His fingers loosen just as black edges form in my vision. “You can’t—” I gasp, drawing in a shaky breath. “You can’t tell me what to—”
He clamps back down, stealing my words. “I own you, Ella. I’ll tell you what to do for the rest of your life, and guess what?”
I can’t speak so I can’t guess. I let my eyes flutter closed, wondering if this is how I’m gonna go. At the hands of a beautiful, broken devil.
“You’ll tell me, too.” He brings his lips to my mouth and kisses me without letting me breathe. “You’ll tell me,” he says again against my mouth, “and if I ever fuck up again, you can sink that knife straight through my heart, but you’re not going anywhere because after I tell you all my secrets,” his mouth covers mine again and I feel myself sliding against the wall, my fingers numb, the oxygen leaving my brain, “you forfeit the ability to leave me, Ella. If you tried,I’d kill you first.”
He loosens his hold considerably, and I take the opportunity. I take it, because if I don’t, I’ll do just what he said. I’ll go back with him and he’ll spill his secrets and bleed his heart and I won’t leave. I’ll forgive him for one thing too many.
So I dig my fingers into where I think I cut him, and it seems my aim is true.
He lets go of me, cursing under his breath, and Irun.I’m stumbling and I might fall, but I’m running as far away from that dangerous boy as I can possibly get.
And I run right into Mark’s arms.
“Woah, Ella,” he says with a little laugh. “There you are. I was coming to check on you.” He wraps his arms around me and I hold him tight.
