Page 50 of Pray for Scars
They don’t trust me with myself.
I get out of the car, run my hand through my hair, and go through the door that leads into a little hallway that connects my garage to my house, unlocking the door at the end of the hall. I can hear the music inside,11 Minutesby YUNGBLUD and Halsey, and someone has to turn that shit off before I fucking kill them.
I close the door behind me. I’m in the basement, the bass thumping above my head. I lean against the wall in the dark, close my eyes. A moment of peace.
Where are you, Lilith?That’s what I ask when I’m feeling calm. In the year we were apart. Then the two weeks. Now the single day.
Fucking get your pretty ass back to me.That’s what I say when I’m not.Stop fucking running.
It doesn’t matter. She never listens. Even if she did, if she gets close to me, my father will know. And if he finds her…
I open my eyes, gasping.
Someone is standing in front of me and I didn’t even hear her come down the stairs.
Ophelia.
She frowns at me over the rim of her plastic cup. “Whatcha doing down here?”
I fake a smile. “Just walked in.” I pull myself away from the wall, rake a hand through my hair. “Mav plan all this?”
She nods, her green eyes bright as she tucks a lock of long blonde hair behind her ear. “Of course. Mav loves to plan.”
I laugh, shaking my head, turning to head up the stairs. “No, Mav loves to get high.”
O clears her throat and I glance back at her.
“What’s up?”
We’ve known each other since we were kids. Lived on the same street. Watched cartoons at her place in the morning over cereal, before her mom dropped us off at school because my dad was too busy and my stepmom liked to fuck with me in the afternoon. Or take me to the drag strip on weekends and slip her hands down my pants in her car.
You want this, Lucifer,she’d say, stroking me.I’ll always be here to give you what you want, okay, baby boy?
Now no one can fucking tell me what I want. Especially not fucking Pammie.
I blink away those memories, wonder how much worse Sid’s are that she never wants to remember them.
“Luce?” O asks softly, bringing me back to the present.
She and I are still friends, but not as close as we were. She’s finishing her last year at AU with plans to go to pharmacy school. She’ll move away. I might miss her, but right now, I don’t have time to think about missing anyone else. I shouldn’t be missing anyone at all.
It's not the first time I’ve wished I couldn’t feel a fucking thing.
“You’ve seemed distant lately.” She swallows, plays with the hem of her plaid shirt. “Since the…hotel.”
She doesn’t know. Not exactly. But she might suspect. Where’s there’s fire, there’s usually Unsaints. Ezra, specifically.
I clear my throat, slide my hands in my pockets and fiddle with my keys there. We didn’t fuck at Liber, like Sid thinks. But right now…I kinda wanna bury my pain into someone thatisn’tSid Rain.
“Just busy,” I tell O. Not exactly a lie.
She takes a few steps toward me, sighs, tips back her cup and takes a drink. Her eyes linger on mine. “Let’s go relax?” She arches a brow, a smile on her lips.
I consider her for a minute. Her silent offer.
We’ve fucked before.Before Sid.A few times. It means nothing between us. But shit, I could use a distraction. Badly.
I reach my hand out to her and she takes mine, giggling. Together, we head up the stairs. She’s not Sid. But quite frankly, I don’t give a fuck.
