Page 86 of Pray for Scars
Chapter Nineteen
Sometimes I feellike my life is just a series of nightmares that never end, never change, and I go to sleep and wake up and everything stays the same: I’m still in hell.
And hearing the soft knock on the door after Lilith and I are both dressed, Jeremiah still passed the fuck out against the wall from the drug I slipped in his drink, I’m reminded that nothing has changed.
She still hates me.
And after tonight, nothing will make it stop. And maybe I should want that, walking in on her and Jeremiah like that after I followed them down this hall. Maybe I should relish in her hatred. Because seeing her in his arms again, I thought I hated her, too.
But I know how it feels to find solace in something you despise. I know what it feels like to look for love in your tormentor, to make things a little easier. I know Jeremiah has her all fucked up, and I know that she thinks he’s a safe place.
It’s why I let her run. Because as much as it kills me to admit it, hewasa safe place. Better than being in my father’s hands.
But her time for safety has run out, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Council with the 6 left me no choice.
I don’t bother saying anything when the knock sounds, but Lilith’s eyes shoot from me to the door and I see her tense.
I pick up the gun, turn to the door.
Cain, Ezra, Atlas, and Maverick come in, skeleton bandanas over their faces, up to their nose.
When Ezra sees Jeremiah, he shakes his head, runs his hand through his dark hair. “Boy,” he says in that deep rumble of his. “You really got ‘em.”
Lilith backs away, toward the wall. “Lucifer,” she whispers, “what’re they doing?”
Atlas laughs, adjusts the hat on his head. “Didn’t tell her?” he asks me, then winks as he joins Ezra over by Jeremiah’s unconscious body. Cain stands by the door, on guard.
Mav steps up to Lilith and nowI’mtense. But he has to be the one to do it. Because I can’t.
He bends down, so they’re eye-level. “There are some things even angels can’t fly away from.” He reaches for her, quickly tossing her over his shoulder.
My stomach burns, especially as she starts beating at Mav’s back, screaming at him so loud I know we’ll draw unnecessary attention.
Mav sighs, loudly, waiting on me.
She will never forgive me for this.
I probably won’t forgive myself.
I pull the bandana from around my neck and ball it up. I walk to her and Mav, and in that second she looks up at me, thinking I’m going to save her, thinking I’m the good guy, her lips part, and I stuff the bandana in her mouth, capture her wrists in my hand. I close the second pair of zip ties I have in my back pocket tight around her skin.
She doesn’t even try to fight. She’s still got her head picked up off Mav’s shoulder, she’s still looking at me, her hair wild around her face. But she’s not fighting.
God, I wish she was.
Instead, I watch as a single tear falls from her beautiful grey eyes, clinging to her lower lashes.
I watch as she stares at me, not with hatred or any kind of malice.
No.
It’s defeat in her eyes.Pain.Not the kind she likes. The kind that wrenches your heart in two.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to her as Atlas and Ezra start dragging Jeremiah toward the door Cain has held open, Jeremiah’s limp arms slung around their shoulders. “I could’ve never been for you, Lilith.”
And Maverick glances at me, his eyes hooded, and then he walks out with her over his shoulder. I follow, closing the door to the private room behind me. Closing that last chance we had to make this work. The last chance of making any of this right.
Happiness was a thing never promised to me.
