Page 23 of Pray for Scars
I don’t know how long I’ve been alone in here.
Forever, a voice in my mind says.You’ve always been alone.
I try to force that voice away. Try to keep my mind blank. Empty. Because Lucifer was right, I can’t hide from my own mind. But if I erase it, if I fuck it up enough to make it a clean slate, there’s nothing to hide from. Just emptiness to exist in.
The scratch of a match being lit has my eyes flying open as I pick my head up, pulling my knees tighter into my chest.
I see the flame in front of me, illuminating a pale, beautiful face beneath a black hood, Lucifer’s jaw lean and hollow in the small spark of fire, his eyes on me.
“Flectamus genua ante faciem Domini,”he says, his mouth forming each word with clarity. Words I don’t know in a language no one speaks.
He says it again, coming closer to me.
And again, louder this time, a smile tugging on his lips as he approaches, mouthing the words.
And then there are more voices joining in with his, deep rumbles through the darkness. Chills slide down my spine, my hands trembling, the metal of the cuffs scrapping against the floor, echoing alongside the chant as Lucifer gets closer. So close I can see the whites of his eyes, the long, thick lashes that no boy should be blessed with.
Then the match goes out and I smell the sulphur from it.
Silence, heavy and choking.
And then I feel them.
Five sets of hands on me, running through my hair, skimming across my bare arms beneath the sleeves of Lucifer’s t-shirt, over my bare thighs beneath the shorts he had me put back on. Over my feet, my mouth, my neck. Grazing my breasts, pulling my knees away from my chest, stretching my legs out long, floating across my stomach, down my back.
I don’t move. Their hands are gentle, featherlight, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Something shifts inside of me, fear giving way to something…else. My nipples chafe against Lucifer’s shirt. I feel dizzy. Light.
Caressed.
I don’t want these soft touches to stop.
As if reading my mind, someone’s mouth moves against my neck. “Ready to tap out, Lilith?” It’s Ezra’s deep rumble, and his tongue flicks against my throat.
I shake my head, arching my neck. He chuckles against my skin, then moves away, but I know his hands are still on me.
Someone’s warm breath is against my ear and Lucifer whispers,“Close your eyes. Open your mouth.”
His hand wraps around my throat, tugging me back against him. Hands keep caressing my body, gentle but urgent, fingers full of callouses, strong and sure against my skin. Every nerve in my body is on edge, sparking with a fire that burns from within.
“Open your fucking mouth, Lilith,” Lucifer growls, fingers digging into the side of my neck, in that spot just above my shoulder. My eyes are closed, but spots pop behind my lids anyway with the force of his fingers, and I do as he says, my lips parting for him.
He groans in my ear, even though I’m not touching him. Even though I know the rest of them are here, and I know their hands are all over me, one sliding dangerously close to the apex of my thighs. My muscles tense but I don’t stop them.
And when someone nudges my legs apart, gripping my inner thighs, fingers splayed firm against my skin, I let them. Move with them. I lean back into Lucifer’s hard chest, my head against his shoulder, his hand still on my throat, his long legs around mine. His thumb brushes against my bottom lip.
“Are you ready?”
I lick my lips. “For what?” I ask, my voice shaking.
“For your entire life to shatter.”
I arch my back as someone’s hand nudges my shorts aside, rubbing down the length of me and I know, without touching myself, that I’m soaked. I know as they hook their fingers inside my underwear, brush their thumb against my clit, that whatever is about to happen, I want it.
I need it.
Is that what it’ll take? Will this make everything go away? I’ve tried to drown myself in sex for so long, flinging myself into it instead of curling into the shell I wanted to die in.
With these boys, I’ll try again.
