Page 80 of Break Me
Her eyes are wide, long lashes nearly grazing her brows.
“I went to prison. My adoptive parents cut me off after they paid for my lawyer. My father cut me out of his business. I still owned a night club, Shade, but in prison, I learned there were better ways to make money. A hell of a lot of money. And I’d grown used to it, being a rich kid. My real parents were addicts. My dad beat the shit out of my mom.” I blink back against those memories, trying to keep myself in the present. “He was shit. They’re both dead. I wasn’t going to end up like that.” I shrug. “So I do what I do. And I’m not sorry for it.”
She doesn’t move for a moment, but I’ve got nothing else to add. I could tell her I’m done with Bianca. That I’ve been done with Bianca. That two years in prison carved out all the feelings I ever had for her. We were lost souls looking for love and we found it in each other, for a time. But that was then.
I’m glad she can’t be with Thames, and I hope she never ends up with another guy like that, ever again. But she’s not my concern anymore.
Shocking me, Ava closes the space between us and grips my hands in hers, tightly. Something in my chest loosens.
“But Benji,” she says, “you don’t have to do that anymore.”
And there it is. The part she doesn’t understand. I want to do it. I like being deviant. I enjoy the feeling of a gun in my hand. I liked kicking the shit out of Rolland Virani. I wanted her to see that, to see how much I enjoy those things. And she did. She saw it.
But somehow, her big blue eyes looking up at me now, shining in the darkness, she thinks I can stop. That I can be reformed.
I don’t want to be reformed.
This is why I don’t let women in. They always have it in their heads that they can save me.
I don’t need to be saved.
I don’t want to be saved.
“This is my life,” I say, dropping her hands and stepping away from her, away from the car, my back to her. “You like the car? You like me following you? You liked that flight? You think you might like me? Because if you do, then you have to accept this, too.”
Her eyes narrow as I spin around to face her, distance between us.
“I don’t need your money, Benji Silva. In case you haven’t noticed,” she flings her hand toward the mansion of a house at her back, “I’m doing just fine on my own.”
I smile coldly at her, slipping my hands back in my pockets, faking calm once more. I nod my head, bite my tongue. “Okay, Ava,” I say, coddling her. “Okay. You’re right. You don’t need me.” I dip my chin, but I’m no longer smiling. “But I don’t need you either, Princess. Your daddy’s money is play money. You think this is impressive?” I nod toward her. “You haven’t seen shit.”
She crosses her arms, takes a step toward me. She’s so fucking beautiful when she’s mad. “So it’s pretty clear this,” she nods toward me, mimicking my gesture, “is never gonna work. My father is the fucking mayor, Benji Silva.” I fight back a smile. “And I’m not down with whatever black-market bullshit you do and call a job.”
I look down at the pavement beneath my feet, trying to fight back my blood heating at her words, her anger. I want her, but I try to bury it down. She’s right. This shit would never work.
Finally, I shrug and slide my gaze up to hers again. “Fine. I don’t fight for girls, Princess. Not anymore.” I turn, headed toward the driver’s side door of the Mercedes.
I want to stop. I want to turn back, fist her hair in my hands, take her against this fucking car. I want to run my hands over her breasts, feel her fingers on my skin.
But I don’t.
I won’t.
This will never work and I don’t have the time or energy to try to force it. Clearly, neither does she. She has too much going on. I’m another inconvenience.
“I’m not a girl,” she yells, running around to my side of the car. “I’m a fucking lady!”
I open the driver’s side door, my shoulders shaking with quiet laughter. I glance at her, eyeing her up and down. It takes all of my self-control not to pull her ass into me. But I stay where I am.
“The student fucking her married professor?” I laugh. “Doesn’t really sound like a lady, Ava. Sounds like a fucking freak.”
