Page 55 of Let Me
She laughs. It’s bitter. “Yes.”
I shake my head, rub my hand over my jaw. “You don’t seem okay.” I wonder how far I should push this. Do I really want to be the shoulder she cries on because she left my brother?
“You pull me out of a party, drag me into your car, and we’re going fuck-knows where, and you want to psychoanalyze my feelings?”
My jaw drops as I turn to stare at her. I see that fire in her green eyes, the fire I’ve seen so many times with my brother. Now it’s directed at me. I actually want to squirm under her gaze. She’s in fucking high school. She’s eighteen years old and she’s making me uncomfortable.
But that’s not how this is going to go.
We stop at another red light, and I let her question hang in the air a minute.
“You really wanted to fuck that loser?” I ask her quietly, meeting her gaze again.
She shifts in her seat. “You don’t even know him.” She’s not looking at me anymore.
“Did you?” I counter.
“Do you know every girl you fuck?” Her brows knit together, and she runs a hand through her long, light brown hair. The lights from the city reflect over it, bringing out her natural highlights. It’s a little damp, and a strand sticks to her forehead.
I like it.
“Do you really want me to answer that?” Of course, the answer isNo, but I’m not sure I want to talk to her about how many girls I’ve fucked, that I did and didn’t know. She’s seen me bring girls over before. It’s not like she doesn’t know. And all the while, I knew she was fucking my brother. It isn’t a secret between us.
“Yeah,” she says, surprising me. She sits up straight, brings the strap of her seatbelt behind her back so she can turn and face me. She draws her legs into the leather seat, and she doesn’t look away as she challenges me. “How many girls have you fucked that you didn’t know, Caden?” She licks her lips. They’re so full and pink; she’s always had nice lips.
I clear my throat. “I’ve lost count,” I say easily.
I see her olive skin go red and feel some weird satisfaction at that. “How many that you did?”
“Same answer.”
There’s a steady silence between us. I creep the car forward. We’re crawling in traffic now, and I hear music thudding, see people walking hand-in-hand down the sidewalk, packs of friends joking and smiling together, as if it never rained here. I see an elderly couple hobble across an intersection and marvel that they’re out so late, together. My parents would never be like that.
“How many times did you let my brother have you?” I nearly whisper the words.
She’s still turned toward me, and her arms are crossed over her chest again. She pulls her lip between her teeth, cocks her head, as if she’s thinking.
My God.
“In your room?” she asks me, brow arched.
I still, bring my arm back into the car, on the wheel. Both of my hands are gripping it so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t break in half.
“You don’t want to play that game, Riley.”
She smiles, and I see a dimple flash just beside her lips. “Oh, I think I do,Caden.”
“My brother wouldn’t want you anywhere near my room when he was fucking you. You were his.”
“Your brother didn’t always get what he wanted.”
This fucking brat.I don’t think she really had sex with Jack in my room. I know she’s probably fucking with me, but even still, I’m on edge thinking about it, and I don’t even know why. What does it matter to me? I rarely slept there. I only came…to see her.
“Where are we going?” she suddenly asks, exiting this sick game. I can’t say I’m not glad.
“Where do you want to go, Riley?” And I reach out to her, my hand clamped over her thigh. I feel her muscles flex, tense, under her jeans, beneath my touch. I don’t even know why I do it except that I can’t stand being this close to her and not touching her, knowing that now she’s not my brother’s anymore. She’s not anybody’s right now. Except mine.
She looks down at my hand over her thigh, and then she looks back up, staring straight ahead. “Anywhere,” she murmurs. Then she brings her small hand over top of mine, pressing me further into her.
