Page 28 of Let Me
“Where are we going?” I ask, staring at him.
For the first time since I slid into his car, he glances over at me, his brow furrowed, both hands on the wheel.
“Don’t you recognize this place?” he asks me.
“Of course I do. But why are you taking me here?” I swallow past the panic in my throat. I trust Caden. At least, I trusted him. But we haven’t spoken, haven’t seen one another since his brother’s funeral. I don’t know what kind of person he is now.
I was there when he got the call.
I had been in his lap when he got the call.
Immediately, he had blamed me. For the video. For sending the video. For Jack’s death. I don’t know exactly who sent it. I’m pretty certain, even though he denies it, of course. But it could only behim.
And aside from it being the last text he received on his phone, I know Jack watched it because of the note left behind. One that will probably haunt Caden for the rest of his life, feeding his anger toward me. Just like those three last words will haunt me for mine, feeding my anger toward someone else entirely.
I know Rolland didn’t think Jack would do what he did. At least, I don’t think he thought that. He was a monster,isa monster, but Jack was his own son. Surely, if he could have guessed…I shake my head, rub my hand over my face and look around, trying to pay attention to my surroundings.
We pull into the dark forest that surrounds the lake, and I’m shocked to find that in the gravel lot we aren’t the only car. There is one other, lights off, no one inside that I can see. It’s a black Range Rover, and it’s weird to see someone else here so late during the summer. But we’re here, so it’s not like I can judge. Probably rich, asshole college kids. As if they actually need an escape.
Caden shuts off the engine, stares straight ahead at the thick trees. It’s so dark, I can barely make out his profile, only see the light blue of one of his eyes.
“Why did you take me here?” I ask again. My words seem loud in the silence of the forest, the cool night air coming in through the cracked windows.
Slowly, he turns his head to look at me, his eyes piercing, on mine. “Why did you come back?”
It’s a fair question.
I hadn’t been to the annual summer party recently. I skipped the past three. I made it to my senior year of university without being coerced by Rolland to be anywhere near Caden. But this time, he amped up the threats. It had been a few months since I saw him in the flesh, and he wasn’t letting me go so easily. He pulled the strings. I think part of himwantedto see me under the same roof as his son. To see what would happen.
I swallow and break my gaze with Caden, looking out into the darkness. For a moment, I don’t say anything, and he’s utterly silent beside me. There’s not much between us, just the center console, the cup holders. His car is spotless, as it was that night.
But it feels like we’re just as far apart as we are when I’m in the States, nearly 1000 miles away. There’s so much he doesn’t know. So much I will never,evertell him.
“I don’t know. It was a mistake.” I answer his question, whispering the words but trying to keep my voice even. Steady.
He laughs. It’s short, bitter. Part of me wants to grab his hand, the one resting on the center console. I want to feel his callouses beneath my own fingers. I want to talk to him, really talk to him, about Jack and why it isn’t what he thinks it is. I want to tell him that I didn’t mean to fuck them both over. That his dad pushed me, was still pushing me. That I wasn’t here to punish him. That Ihadto be here. I was in his dad’s noose, waiting for Rolland to hang me, my feet barely reaching the ground.
I want to tell him that he’s not the only victim. That Jack isn’t, either. I want to tell him all those fights he heard between me and Jack, they were nothing compared to what really happened.Nothing.And that night we had together…I would have denied my own heart for the rest of my life if it meant Jack was still here and Caden didn’t loathe me. At least, I think I would.
“A mistake, Riley?” he asks quietly, and I can feel his gaze on me, but I can’t bear to look at him. “Is that what you call what you did? A fucking mistake?”
I still don’t look at him. I squeeze my eyes shut, feel the lump in my throat. I won’t cry. I’ve spent so many of the past three years on the verge of tears because of this family. I won’t let them fall here, in front of him.
“Look at me,” he snarls.
I don’t.
He reaches between us, cups my chin in his hand and jerks my head his way. “You can’t stand to see it, can you?” His eyes are narrowed on me, the blue violently bright in the darkness. “You can’t stand to see what you’ve done. Yet you have the fucking audacity to come tomy parents’ house—”
“I didn’t want to be there!” I manage to choke out, and he lets me go, rearing back. “I didn’t want to be there and I’m so sorry.” I swallow back a sob, manage to keep my eyes dry. “I’m so sorry, Caden, I…” I trail off, not sure what else to say. There’s nothing I can say to fix this. This isn’t planning and scheming and dreaming, like we did that night for those few precious hours. Momentarily, I’d been happy. I had walked into that party broken, and walked out with him,happy.
This isn’t that.
This is broken pieces that will never fit back together.
This is so much blood on the floor we could swim in it.
There’s no saving this.
