Page 77 of Let Me
Then I go to the closet, intending to slip into jeans, but Benji clears his throat and instinctively, I look his way.
“Like that,” he says, nodding toward me. “Come like that.” And then he rakes his eyes up and down my body.
My throat feels tight.
But I slip into my knock-off Vans, and with a last glance at my pitiful excuse of a room, I leave, trailing behind Benji.
HE MADE ME LEAVE A NOTE,to my mom. In case, he said, she gets up in the night. I didn’t bother to tell him she doesn’t. There was no point. He wouldn’t have listened. I left my phone, too, because who, exactly, am I going to call? All I took was the key to my apartment. The door was still on its hinges. Nothing amiss. How Benji got in, I don’t want to know.
Caden isn’t in the rental car.
I sat in the front seat, after Benji steered me away with gentle hands from the back.
He doesn’t say a word as we drive with the windows down, the sunroof open. Music plays softly through the speakers; so soft I don’t hear a word of it.
I have no idea where we are going. Not into Raleigh, the closest city. It seems we’re headed deeper into the country, with nothing but pastures and the odd house here and there lining the dark roads. I swallow back my fear, and don’t ask a single question.
Even though I’m scared, it reminds me of something. Of riding with Caden, windows down, music up, from that party in Grove. When he took me to the hotel, and I finally got close to him, only to have it come crashing down around me.
And as I think about it, something turns in my gut. Something not like fear at all. I’m ashamed of it, but I can’t stop feeling it either. The lust. I wonder if I can starve it out of me. If I can purge Caden’s touch on me from my memory.
Finally, Benji turns down a dirt road, trees lining either side of it, and I try to keep my hands from shaking. I can feel his eyes on me every now and then as he drives, but I don’t look at him. I don’t think he’ll hurt me. I believed him when he said I’d see Caden. But I still don’t want to look into his eyes, to see what he might be thinking. To see where this might end.
He drives slowly over the gravel, the road twisting and turning, the only light that from the moon overhead. The warm breeze feels good over my bare legs, but I still have my arms wrapped around myself, as if I can hold myself together. As if I might be able to stop myself from breaking. Because whatever is coming, it’s going to hurt.
Finally, I see a house ahead, a two-story brick home, another black car parked in front. There are no lights on that I can see, and beyond the house is a pond, which is unnerving. I don’t know what Benji plans to do to me.
I realize, among all that fear, that I really want to see Caden, even though I have no idea what he plans to do to me either. This will be our final stand. We need this.
We get out of the car, and Benji comes around to my side and wraps a possessive arm around me, tugging me close to his warm body. I know he can feel my rapid breaths, in and out like I’m wheezing, but he doesn’t say anything, only leads me up the front porch and to the door.
He pulls a key from his pocket, his other hand still curled on my shoulder, and he lets us into the dark house.
It’s cold inside, and I run my hands over my arms. Benji lets me go, locking the door behind us and pulling something I can’t quite see from his back pocket.
The home is cozy enough, and I think it must be a rental for out-of-towners or something. It’s furnished, two couches placed around a wooden table, a TV in the far corner. There’s a ceiling fan spinning overhead in the high ceiling, and a staircase to my right. Straight ahead, I see white tile and what I assume is the kitchen. There are no photos of a family, but there’s a mirror beside me. Above it, a baseball bat is on a mount in the wall. I refuse to glance at my reflection in the mirror. To see my fear staring back at me.
Below the mirror is a wooden table, and Benji places the keys to the car and the house down, and then he’s right behind me. Not touching me, but close enough I can feel his body heat.
“Are you scared, little girl?” he whispers in my ear.
I shiver as his breath caresses my skin, and I wrap my arms tighter around myself.
“No,” I lie.
“Don’t lie to me, Riley. Haven’t you done enough of that?” Then his mouth is on my neck, and I don’t move. I can’t breathe. It’s soft, and warm, and sends a shiver down my spine.
“Don’t move,” he says, and suddenly, there’s a blindfold over my eyes. What was in his hand. I tense, his chest brushing against my back as he ties it, tight.
My hands stay down by my sides, and even I don’t know why.
Walk out of here.My mind is screaming it to me so loud, I’m not sure how I can hear anything else.
But he hasn’t hurt me.
Surely, if he was going to, he wouldn’t take his time like this?
A part of me realizes that’s a stupid thought.
