Page 47 of Odin
Maybe that’s too hopeful, even for someone who tries to bring an endless amount of optimism.
“Goodnight,” she says, but it sounds more like a question. Like some small part of her still needs to hear that in the morning, I’ll be here for her, even if she fully knows it and even if she doesn’t think that I’ll be one more person in her life to leave her, abandon her, betray her, and disappoint her.
I know she doesn’t think that, but I still can’t stop myself from bending and brushing a kiss over the shell of her ear. Her breath catches and releases, a soft sigh that echoes between us in the hallway.
I know I need to say goodnight before I drag this out into creep territory, but it’s so hard to speak or even to think about leaving. Willow is so beautiful. The most gorgeous womanI’ve ever seen, at the end of a long, tiring day, in shadows, or fresh in the morning in bright sunlight. I sure as fuck don’t believe in spells, but whatever this moment is, I don’t want to break it. It feels like a force, some kind of gravitational pull working through me, pressing down on my bones, tugging at all my emotions.
She tilts her face up to me. She came tonight, even after I disappointed her. Even though I made her worry and caused her needless stress. She forgave me without me asking, brought me food, and was there when I needed her most. She doesn’t need me to always be strong. Tonight, I could just be vulnerable with her. I could bemeand it happened so effortlessly. Just like the first time I met her, it felt strangely right.
She was there for me tonight, a true partner. Even though I’m going to my room by myself and she’ll be in hers down the hall, I won’t feel alone.
“Have a good sleep.” I force myself to break the spell, my throat tight.
She nods and gives me a little smile that starts that throbbing in my chest all over again. “You too.”
She slips into her room and closes the door. I stand guard for a few minutes, though it’s completely unnecessary, before I walk to my room.
It’s not a long walk, but as sore as I am, it’s still taxing. By the time I sprawl out on my bed, I feel every one of my forty-eight years, and every single bit of skin that is probably still out there on the road somewhere. I close my eyes, still fully dressed, the lights still on. The room spins, but at the same time, I’ve never felt like I’ve been more balanced.
Old me would have called it dangerous, but the man I am now, and want to be in the future, knows that it’s growth. It’s for the best, even when it’s risky, and even when it hurts.
Chapter 16
Willow
Afew weeks can do wonders for settling into a life.
Even if things hurtle past me at such crazy speeds that I feel sometimes that I’m outside my body looking in, they’re all good changes. This is the opposite of the last time when everything fell apart and just kept falling. This time, I have people in my corner. They care, and they’re not going to let anything bad happen to me. It’s hard to let go of some of the control I’d like to have over my life, but admitting that I need help wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
Tarynn grew up in Hart, and so did many of the guys and their women from the club. It wasn’t long before Odin asked me if I still wanted to work, and if I did, would I consider working part time at one of the vet clinics in town.
I could have kissed him out of sheer relief, gratitude, and joy.
The job has been incredible. The two vets I work with—a husband and wife team who moved here over a decade ago—are the nicest people ever. All the vet techs really care about what they do. The place is a little bit like the club in the way that everyone is family. They’re all so kind. It’s exactly what I needed, even though I would have stuck it out if it was horrible and the people were catty. It’s so good to be making a little bit of extra money, to be out of the house for eight hours Monday to Thursday, and to get to know people. More than all of thatthough, I’m doing what I love, at least in part. The job was mine. I never had to interview for it. Macy and Dave just wanted to take me for coffee before they officially gave me the position. They promised me that the knowledge I had already would be invaluable and very much appreciated, for as long as I can be there before I take maternity leave.
I’ve worked six shifts now, and I do feel like I’m valued, not just by them, but by Sam, Jess, and Whitney, who work reception and as vet techs, as well.
I’m less than two months pregnant, but I can feel my body changing in small ways. I still look the same, but my breasts are tender, and I’m tired. Still not sick, though. I’m hoping that doesn’t hit me, but if it does, I’ll get through it.
Odin has stopped by every day after he’s done at the garage. He goes in on weekends too, even though they’re technically not open. The garage is more for the club anyway, and a lot of guys put in hours there, working on their own projects when the customer vehicles aren’t in the way.
He texted me around eleven this morning to ask if it would be alright if he stopped by to continue our lessons, and brought dinner. He’s always so eager and happy when he gets here that there’s no room for me to doubt that he’s doing this because he feels he has to look after me, and not because he wants to be doing it.
I call them lessons. He calls it showing me how to do the things that I never had anyone to show me how to do.
Changing the oil on my car was the first thing he showed me, followed by how to replace a tire. The next day, he showed me how to change the furnace filter in the apartment, because I noticed that when it got colder at night and I had toturn it on, it didn’t just have a musty smell. It stank. I didn’t want to bother Crow with that, so I asked Odin if he could look at it. He’s also showed me how to tie several different knots, how to jumpstart a car with a dead battery, how to use a fire extinguisher, how to grill a steak, and how to plant bulbs. The last few days he’s been taking me to the clubhouse in the truck he borrowed from Raiden. It’s old and I like it a lot, but I’m not ready to learn how to drive that beast. Odin promised me he’ll teach me how to drive a standard, but it’s not going to be something so temperamental for my first time.
He also wants to teach me how to ride a bike, but that’s not going to happen right now. He borrowed one of Tyrant’s spare bikes, but even though it has an extra seat, we both decided it was best that I don’t ride it right now. I know he’s careful and that what happened was an accident, but neither of us would ever take risks when I’m pregnant.
Today, he’s bringing the lesson to me.
The past few days were gloomy and rainy, so today I’ve spent as much time outside as I could, enjoying the sunshine. One of the most incredible things about being here for fall is seeing all the leaves change colors. They were vibrant when I got here, but I never knew just how spectacular those colors were going to get as September came to an end, and the cooler nights painted the leaves scarlet and gold come those crisp mornings.
The apartment has a set of stairs inside, but I only ever use the metal set that extends from the back of the building. I’m sitting at the top of them, on the little balcony jutting from the back of the building, when I pick up the low growl of a bike in the distance. My heart beats fast, even though I know that thereare quite a few bikes in town, and given that Crow owns this place and belongs to the club, it could be any of Satan’s Angels.
It’s not.
I know it’s Odin as soon as the roar turns the corner and heads down the alley. The other buildings block my view, but I’m sure that the bike is back here and not out on the front street.
