Page 53 of Odin
“Okay.” She lowers one finger. “The first is that I’ve always been good at math and science. I like logic problems. I can work through any of that if there’s a prescribed method. I’m not good at art or writing stories. I don’t mind reading, but I prefer non-fiction. I’m not so great at understanding quantum theory or the type of physics that get really weird. I remember that in high school, our teacher once said something and it struck me, even though I wasn’t a big believer in it, but whenI thought about it and looked it up a few days ago, it hit so much harder. Maybe I had to be older and more mature, or maybe I’m just ready to hear it now. Do you know what quantum entanglement is?”
I shake my head, “I have no idea, other than the hints you just gave me.”
“The way my teacher talked about it, it’s a complicated concept, but he made it simple. Basically, it talks about particles that become entangled, as the name implies. Once that happens, they’re linked to one another forever. You can’t alter one without altering the other, even over large distances.”
Okay, my brain is officially blown. More. Further. It was a few minutes ago, during one of the best climaxes of my life. I’m sitting here now with brain goo probably sloshing around my skull. “How is that even possible?”
She lifts one shoulder in an adorable shrug. “Like I said, physics isn’t my strong suit, but Einstein knew it was real, so it has to be true, right? But you’re probably sitting there wondering how physics applies to romance.”
“Normally, I’d have checked out of this conversation at the word science. I’m not smart enough for that shit unless engines are involved, but I’m seriously interested now. What does science have to do with romance?”
“If that’s not the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard, then I don’t know what is, and it’s all science and math. I believed that people are made scientifically and life can be explained that way. When we die, that’s it. I always wanted to think about something more, but it was hard for me. After losing my dad, I wanted to think that he was out there somewhere, but deep down, I was too logical. I couldn’t get my mind to reconcilewith what my heart wanted. Not that science has all the answers, and I know I certainly don’t. But this theory? If it applies to earth, or to particles that make up people, doesn’t that mean that in a way, the people in your life will always be connected to you, no matter how great a distance you travel, and no matter what form you take? I know that involves a tremendous amount of suspended belief. I couldn’t do that in high school, but I think I can now. Not just with the people who have gone, but with the people in my life right now. With you and me.”
With you and me. Us.My lungs clench tight again. Us is more than us as friends. It’s more than us as partners or co-parents. People who just want to raise a child together, support each other as good friends, and maintain a sweet relationship don’t bang each other on kitchen tables.
I knew the first time that I kissed Willow, held her, breathed her in, gave my body to her as she gave up control to me, that I was never going to be able to stop thinking about her. I wanted her in my life. She carried a part of me away with her that day. I kept deluding myself that whatever she wanted to give would be enough. It would be, because I’d force myself to honor whatever wishes and feelings she has, but deep down, I was always going to want more.
We started something on the mountain weeks ago, and we’ve picked it up again here today.
She was never into pretending it didn’t happen. I guess I’m panicking slightly because I’m trying to figure out how to safeguard her in every way. I’m trying to figure out what the world looks like now instead of letting time, patience, and communication reshape it into reality.
“Anyway,” she goes on softly, filling up the silence. “I want to think that it could apply to people. Same with energy. How it can’t be destroyed. It was immediately comforting to think that way. I needed it.”
“Then it’s perfect,” I say hoarsely.
“I know we’ll always be connected through having a child, but it could be more. Maybe it will always be more and maybe it always has been.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you’d like me to shut up and not panic repeat the same thing I did last time, even though I truly only had the best intentions in mind?”
“No.” She leans forward and grazes her lips over my forehead. “You don’t have to shut it. I know you wanted what was best for me. Our lives are both different, even in a very short span of time. If we choose this, I want you to know that I’m not panicking. We don’t have to rush, even if we do have to get legally married. I trust us. I think we could work through anything. I’d stand up for you. Against our families, against life, against whatever odds are out there and anything and anyone who might want to hurt you. I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Fucking right, I would.”
“Life is short. That’s not a reason to behave recklessly, but it’s all the more reason to appreciate every moment, and all the people. We have some wonderful people in our lives, and a lot of goodness. I’ve never been one for manifesting. I’d rather just work hard, but everybody could use more hope. I want to believe that we have only good things coming, and if not and life gets hard, we’ll be there for each other. The rest of the world might think we’re an odd match, or that we’re too much, or that we’re not enough, but as long as we know our truth, then that’s all thatmatters. We can do us, on our own timeline, in a way that makes sense to us.”
“I’ve learned a lot today.”
“Me too, but out of everything, knowing the shape of you is always going to be the best thing.” She flushes and ducks her head.
She quickly sweeps out of her chair and walks over to the counter. Filling up the kettle, she pops it back on the base and clicks it down.
“I hope you mean that in a not so literal sense.” There’s a good chance that I should probably shut up now.
“Both. Literal and metaphorical.” She pulls two mugs out of the cupboard, both of them with pictures of Crow’s dog on the front. I’d bet good money that he’s the one who ordered them and not Tarynn.
“And here you said you’re not a romantic.”
“You never believed you were one either.”
“I still don’t. I haven’t brought you flowers or chocolates. I can’t write a poem for a damn.”
Willow tucks two Earl Grey tea bags into the mugs. She turns and our gazes collide. Hers is one of burning conviction and absolute sincerity. “You do have a talent to transport me to worlds of transcendent bliss. That’s quite something.” She crosses her arms and leans against the counter, daring me to challenge her. “If you can do that, then whatcan’tyou accomplish?”
“Being realistic, though.”
She tosses her hair, whips around to the pour the water, adds milk, and brings the steaming mugs to the table.
“I’m being perfectly realistic. In fact, I think you should stay the night, and we should get married.”
