Page 45 of Odin
She drops her eyes and picks at her food. “I’m fine there. It’s a nice place. Tarynn’s already brought over so many things to make it more homey. I’m not in any rush to leave. If you’re sure you want to rent the living space above the shop to me, I’d be happy to have it. I know you’ll make the whole place into something beautiful.”
“I don’t know about that, but it will be functional, with all the proper safety features and ventilation in place. Zero risks taken with anyone’s health, or my own. As for beauty, the projects coming out of there will be beautiful, I guess, but not me. I can’t say there’s anything beautiful at all about an old man with one eye, bad tattoos, and far too many scars.” I duck my head, my neck getting red at having said what I was only supposed to be thinking.
I dig into the soup, leaning so far over my bowl that my face is practically in it, but I’m also shit at trying to do anything with my left hand.
“I read this quote a while ago. It said that if you love someone, even if it’s been a day, or a month, or a year, or ten years, you should tell them. I just passed it off at the time, because duh, and we get bombarded with that stuff constantly, but it really hit me today.”
My head jerks up so fast that if I didn’t get whiplash from the bike, I probably just did myself in.
“I- I don’t know that I really know what love is. With family and friends, maybe, but I don’t know that I’ve ever been there romantically. As awful as that is to say. But I want to- I want to tell you that you mean a lot to me. To your clubbrothers. To a lot of people. Scars, bad tattoos, one eye. It doesn’t matter. A lot of people want the best for you and we’re very glad that you’re here and that you’re okay.”
Aww, fuck. She doesn’t duck her face even when she’s clearly struggling for words. It makes the red creep up into my face. I’m sure that it’s hotter than all the areas that I scraped off skin, and they feel extra brutal after being cleaned and bandaged.
“I was going to say that I didn’t think getting married was a good idea. Even a fake marriage would put so much pressure on both of us. It’s not just today that has me shaking. I want to take care of my health and I know that you do too. I was going to tell you that I appreciated the offer more than anything, but that morally, I didn’t know if I could be at peace with it. But then, today happened and I started thinking about medical stuff, bills, debt, not being able to get the help I need for myself or the baby, and it threw me. Right alongside with me realizing how short life can be. Is a marriage between friends and two people who wish each other well, want to parent together, and get along, the worst thing in the world?” She studies my blank expression and laughs softly. “That was rhetorical. I don’t think it is. I was maybe even a little bit worried about what people would say. This was for us, and now it’s going to be made public in a big way, marriage or not.”
Anger rushes through me, shaking me at my core and rattling my bones. I wish that I could stop the world from hurting this woman, or our child. It makes me crazy to think about anything happening to her or the baby that we just made. I feel the same way about my club brothers, but not to this level. Nowhere near as protective, but that’s probably because they’re grown men, most of them far more deadly than I am.
“No one’s gonna say anything. I won’t let them.” There’s enough tension in me to make the table rattle. Then again, that could be the bass from the music that just turned up a few notches in the lounge. Guess Raiden’s done on the phone, placing that gargantuan order.
Willow’s eyelashes flutter down, cloaking her eyes. She blinks slowly, then looks back up at me, like she needed that second of time for composure, but now she’s able to offer me a small, almost shy smile. “Thank you, Odin. That’s very noble.”
My heart goes straight to squishy, soggy mush.
“But we should talk about you. You’re in pain. You should eat. We can talk later.” I want to protest, but she waves it off. “Let me take care of you right now, even if it’s just for a few minutes.”
That’s something I’m really bad at doing. I’ve had zero practice with anything other than looking after myself. Putting myself in someone else’s hands is hard for anyone, but for me, I have no real idea hownotto be the one taking care of things.
Eat. That’s a good start. I’d like her to do that too, so it’s not a problem to shut it unless I’m shoveling food in. I sneak little peeks at Willow. She seems satisfied with my hearty effort to tank everything down and actually starts eating as well.
She doesn’t say anything until I’ve eaten just about everything that she didn’t have on her plate, including refilling mine and my bowl twice. I didn’t realize how famished I was. The pain took the edge off, but I’m also good at ignoring my body when it tells me to slow down, take it easy, get food, or to go get some sleep.
She gets up quietly and takes our dishes to the kitchen sink, then clears away the plastic containers. She rinses them in the sink and places them in the recycle bin in the corner of the kitchen. That’s right. We’re grown ass men, rougher than not, who most people are scared of, and we’re proud to cut down on waste.
I didn’t think that Willow was watching me while she moved around the kitchen, but I’m wrong. She settles back into her chair and immediately picks up where we left off.
“When I walked down the hallway and heard the guys lovingly giving you a hard time, it truly hit me what an amazing found family this could be. I knew that before, from Crow and Tarynn and your Prez, who was nice enough to let me stay the night last time, and because so many people helped plan your birthday surprise. But it just… it hit so much harder. Everything is hitting harder tonight.”
I want to reach out to her, but I don’t know if I have the right. I keep my bandaged hand on my knee and the other rests on the table. “They’re a great lot. The guys. The women. The kids. Hart is the best place on earth. Sure, I might be biased and probably wouldn’t think so if I wasn’t a part of the club, but it’s home and it’s a family that I never thought I’d have.”
She squirms in her seat, visibly uncomfortable with her thoughts. I give her the space to work it out instead of trying to fill the silence.
“I don’t want anything fancy,” she finally says. “Just a quiet wedding and maybe Crow and Tarynn could be our witnesses, or whoever else you might like there at your side. Later, if and when we decide it’s right, I want to celebrateus. Not with a big ceremony or a white dress or thousands of dollarsspent on catering and a venue, but with a party that’s us, our found family, hopefully my real family, and all of our friends.”
I just about fall out of my chair. My balance is off anyway, butholyshit. I want to give her everything she wants, but I know that this one might have to be a bit of a compromise.
“It’s a big ask, having the club know that we’re getting hitched and not wanting to throw a big banger of a party here. That’s what we do. Not just party for the sake of getting shitfaced and laid—but celebrating those who mean everything to us becausetheirhappiness isours.”
“That does make sense.” She draws a circle on the tabletop with her index finger. “It just feels wrong. A little bit like icing on a cake of lies.”
“Whoa. That seems like an extreme cake. I don’t think any of us want to be eating that.”
“Maybe I’m just uptight about all of this.” She rolls her shoulders back and rubs the tension out of the back of her neck. “Too uptight. Too triggered. Too much, too soon. Too overwhelmed.” Her hand quickly shoots from her neck up to her face to swipe away a sudden burst of tears.
As always, it guts me to see her upset.
“Hey. You can cry if you want to, but I hate seeing your tears when they’re not ones of happiness. I’m here for you. We’re all here. You’re right. It’s too much too soon, but we’re strong. We’ve both been through a lot in the past. It’s not an ideal situation, but we’re having a child. Another addition to a big family with a bunch of rough and ready men who will love and protect that kid like he or she is their own. Of all the foundfamilies in the world, of all the places life could have blown you, of all the paths you were going to get shoved down…”
“This is the most amazing one. It’s just so hard, taking that first step, groping blindly in the dark.”
