Page 37 of Odin
“Crow said he kept walking around looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But guys being guys, they didn’t like to ask what was wrong. Odin has always been private, I guess Crow just figured if something was bothering him then he’d talk when he was good and ready.”
“But now I’m back, I think he’s worrying about what the world would think about us, what my family would think,how a future would look between two people with such a large age gap.”
“Sure, he’s older.” Tarynn shrugs as she pulls off her gloves. “That just means that you could live life to the full, every single day, knowing your time together might be a little bit shorter than what other people get when they meet when they’re young,” she pauses. “Though even that doesn’t guarantee anything. You’ve met Ginny, right? She was with Zeppelin’s twin brother for a while. He was killed in a crash—it wasn’t serious between them and she’s happy now, but you never know what’s around the corner. I’m team quality all the way. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to sound callous.”
“You can be direct. I appreciate that.” I fold my hands tightly under the black cape she has wrapped around me. “It’s also true. I’m just not sure I can convince him of that. He doesn’t believe it, but I know he’ll make a great father. I know the timing is bad. The circumstances are whacked. People might give us a lot of grief and some of those people are the ones closest to us, but all of that, a paper contract and a set of expectations formed around all of that, won’t stop me from catching feelings. I don’t know that I could handle being alone in it.”
“That’s tough.” Her eyes meet mine in the mirror right before she finishes up. She cleans up, talking the whole time. “When I met Crow, I was instantly intrigued. He basically told me he’d free me from my parents’ tyranny, and then he did it. We went straight to Vegas and he married me so that they really couldn’t come for me. By then, even though it was just a few weeks in, I was already halfway in love with him. I have almost no experience with being alone in anything. I’m the least angst-riddled person you’ll meet.”
I don’t want to move and get dye anywhere, so I sit perfectly still and don’t nod. “I know that Odin just wants me to be happy, but I want him to be happy as well. If we get married, we’re going to have to stay married for a while. It’s not a situation where we can just be like, oh, yeah, now that we had the baby, we’ll just divorce. It would be so obvious. He’ll have his place at the club, and we’ll have our own space if we want it, but if he ever wanted to be with someone else, he really couldn’t be. Not properly and not openly. That doesn’t seem fair to him.”
“I don’t think he would have asked you to marry him if he was worried about that.”
“He told me he was lonely.” I know that I can tell this to Tarynn, and it won’t go anywhere unless I tell her that she can mention any of it to Crow. I just met her, but I trust her. “That’s basically saying he wanted a partner but hadn’t met the right person yet. It would tear my heart into pieces if he met his special someone and he couldn’t be with her. The baby was a surprise, but like I told Odin, it’s not a mistake. I don’t believe in fate, and I don’t know if we’re supposed to be here together right now. I wish we had more time to think about this, but we don’t really. I made so many bad decisions, but the worst one was caring about Preston enough to let him talk me into taking a year off. If I hadn’t been insured under his plan, and I hadn’t taken time off school, at least I would have had that insurance, and it would have taken the pressure off the situation a little.”
“Ugh, girl, I maintain my position.” Tarynn pulls the rolling chair from behind the front desk, wheels it across the hardwood, and sits down across from me. “That’s tough. But if it was going to happen with anyone, you lucked out. Odin is one of those people I’d call a sleeper. He’s so underappreciated in the club. If we were going to talk pillars of the place, most peoplewould look at Tyrant or Raiden, or even Gunner, or someone with loads of charisma like Atlas, maybe even Wizard or Dravin because they’re so dependable when it comes to security. I would pick someone like Preacher, Reckless, Battle Axe, or Odin. The old guard. They don’t always live hard and fast. Sometimes, they just like to stand in a corner and watch what’s going on,” she pauses and leans over peering at the ends of my hair, then sits back again. “Odin often bartends at the club’s parties and cookouts. He likes to be helpful. He watches, takes it all in, and offers advice when and where it’s needed. They’re the strong, dependable type. He can cuss with the best of them, but when it comes right down to it, I’ve never heard him say a bad word about anyone. His patience with the guys at the shop is legendary. He trains a lot of the prospects for that reason. He’s seen and done all the bullshit himself, he can just chill now.”
“I just don’t know what to do. I’m so overwhelmed.” I say.
“You’re going to be connected to Odin now. That’s non-negotiable.”
“I’m not worried about that. I’m truly not.”
“Odin is part of the club, and so, you’ll be part of the club too. Maybe if I told you about some of the guys, it would help?”
I nod mutely.
“There are rules at the club about treating women with respect. There’s no hard drugs allowed. No beating the shit out of each other because someone’s pissed out of their mind. There’s an expectation that every person maintains control and dignity. That’s not easily done, especially not for men with sometimes violent pasts, who never had so much as a decentinfluence in their life. Tyrant is careful about who joins the club, but being a complete bad seed doesn’t mean you won’t get in. It’s what kind of darkness a man has in his soul and what kind of demons he goes to bed with every single night. The club is a family above all, and most men attracted to that kind of living aren’t going to be the law abiding, society conforming, white collar upright type. The club is more than just bikes. When one man is struggling, the rest come together to pull him up. Crow told me that it’s not what a man has done. It’s how he’ll fit with the family. Men change. People can come back from the brink. That’s the kind of family you’ll be a part of.”
Oh, my heart.The family she just described? “That’s incredible.” Of all the men in the world, I’m so happy it was Odin who I found my way to, and of all the clubs, I’m happy that it’s this one he’s a part of.
“The best part about Odin being older is that he’s gone through all that shit, as I said. He’s mature. He’s not looking for someone to save him or try and fix him. His head is screwed on tight.”
“I’m not looking for someone to save me either. I really don’t have daddy issues. I don’t need someone to take care of me.”
“I know.”
“I’m just scared that I’m going to make the wrong decision and it’s going to hurt someone either way.”
Her hand shoots out and rests lightly on my knee, her face tender and sympathetic. “The thing about going through trauma young is that it ages the soul. You and Odin are both old souls, and as long as you keep talking to each other, I think you’ll be okay, whatever you decide.”
It’s dangerous to hope again, after having life knock me down over and over, but I don’t want to become the kind of person who can’t yearn for the sunrise. “Thank you for not telling me I’m crazy, or that I have no right to be here. Thank you for not calling me weird for conceiving a child with my ex-fiancé’s dad only a few days after he cheated on me.”
“You can’t help who you fall for,” Tarynn says.
I’m about to protest that I’ve not fallen for anyone, but I let it go. “I think that by the time we move on, we’re often so ready that it might look like a very brief timespan to the world, but in our heads and in our hearts, we’ve been moved on for a long time. All that said, though, I’m still worried about telling my mom I’m pregnant.”
“However you tell her, whenever, we’re all here for you.”
I reach for her hand and grasp it tightly. “You taking the time to talk this out with me—it means everything, and knowing that I’m not stepping into an unknown future eases my mind.”
Tarynn smiles at me and winks. “I told you. Hairdressing is really just free therapy.”
She’s only joking, but she’s also correct. Free, because what she’s given me today goes far beyond any dollar value.
Chapter 13
Odin
