Page 79 of Single Dad Dilemma
Griffin:First, I would never. Second, there’s only two reasons I get sappy. Ruby and your kids, so trust me, it has nothing to do with you.
Me:Okay.
Griffin:It’s just, I know this is hard for you. To let go of them like this. Especially to me. I know I’ve changed a lot, mostly thanks to Ruby, who is a thousand times too good for me, but I think maybe you’ve changed too. I’m proud of us, you know?
Griffin:Fuck, don’t tell mom and dad I said that. They’ll cry. It’ll be a whole big dramatic thing.
Me:My lips are sealed. I’ll text you some dates that work.
Griffin:Thank you.
I sucked in a deep breath and sent one more text.
Me:Maybe you and Ruby could fly here to get them. I’d love to spend some more time with her.
Griffin:Yeah, we’d love that.
Me:One night maybe?
Griffin:Fucking baby steps. I think two days with your ass and I’d run back to Colorado.
When my screen went dark, I was smiling to myself. It was messy and incredibly imperfect, but it was something. It reminded me of our win today. For so long—my entire life, really—I’d sought out perfection. There was a certain kind of insulation that came with it.
If I do this exactly right, everything will be okay.
My grades.
My play on the field.
Then it was proposing to Rachel, even though every single red flag existed early in our relationship.
When playing football was gone, my marriage dissolved shortly after. Then coaching. If I studied more film, if I gave up just a bit more sleep, if I had the perfect game plan ...
But it was impossible. All of it. I couldn’t do any of it perfectly.
And now it was becoming increasingly clear that parenting, especially on my own, would fall far short of perfect as well.
Even the appearance of Lily in our lives, my interest in her that wasn’t going anywhere, was as imperfect as it could get too. There’d be no flirting with her. No wooing her. Underneath that shell—and it was a tough one—there was something incredibly vulnerable about her, and more than anything, I wanted to dig deeper. Wanted to know why she protected herself so fiercely.
I just ... wanted more. Whatever that looked like, really. Even if it was messy, even if it was clumsy and uncomfortable to put myself in a position with this woman where she might hurt or reject me.
There wasn’t always failure waiting behind the release of perfection. Sometimes it was moments like this. Acceptance that I was willing to mess up.
My brother was willing to do that when he texted me. The guy who never took anything seriously outside of football.
I opened up my phone again and started a new text thread, attaching a video with a simple caption.
Me:You’ve created a monster.
Her response was immediate, and exactly what I’d been hoping for.
Lily:This is the best thing I’ve ever seen! Omg, you just made my night.
Me:Then I’m glad I sent it.
Now it was Lily’s turn to make the bubbles appear. Disappear. Appear again.
Me:I’ve rendered you speechless. I had no idea I was that powerful.
