Page 127 of Single Dad Dilemma
After so many years without that role in my life, that sensation of being enveloped by someone’s care and worry was one of the most incredible things I’d gained, outside of my relationship with Barrett and the kids.
But apparently, having a group of nosy surrogate moms meant they were all up in my relationship when I sort of admitted that I was scared to tell Barrett that I loved him.
“Not really,” I hedged.
“You’re nuts,” Agatha said.
“Thanks.”
Miriam always had a bit of a gentler touch. “You’ve never said it to anyone since your family died?”
Slowly, I shook my head.
“And he doesn’t seem upset about it?”
“No. He’s so patient. Probably more than I deserve, to be honest.”
“Nonsense,” Agatha insisted. “It’s horseshit to act like you deserve less than anyone else simply because you went through something hard and ugly. We don’t all pop up out of the dirt of our past smelling like roses, do we? Sometimes we smell like the dirt for a while, and there’s nothing wrong with that because that’s what makes us grow, honey. Not the other way around.” She leaned forward. “Do you think Barrett deserves less from you because of what he went through?”
“Of course not.” I ran my hand through the water, the distorted image of my fingers holding my attention while I sifted through my thoughts. “But hasn’t he earned the right to know what’s in my head?”
“Doyou love him?” Miriam asked.
See? This was the problem. Even thinking it made my stomach all queasy, my chest heavy with a swirling mix of anticipation and anxiety and desperation. If I lost him, I’d be absolutely devastated. He and the kids were the axis of my world, and orbiting around them was as easy as breathing, even from all this distance. I couldn’t wait to do it from close up. To have boring days and stressful days and everything in between.
When I was still in Buffalo, I’d thought of my burgeoning feelings for Barrett as a general sense of nausea. Love felt like that sometimes, didn’t it?
He was so handsome and kind and thoughtful and sweet. And sexy. God, he was so sexy. Yeah, sometimes if I thought about the big-picture list of what kind of man he was, I did want to puke, but not in a bad way.
More like aI cannot believe he’s mineway.
He was mine. And I was his. My new life goal was to make sure that never changed.
“Yeah,” I whispered, so quietly I wasn’t sure they could hear me. “I do.”
“Oh, thank the Lord. Go tell him.”
I let out a snort of amusement. “Eventually, I will. I don’t want to do it over the phone.”
“That’s a relief.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why?”
“Because he’s here.”
As my heart thrashed in my chest, my head snapped up, and at the sight of his tall, broad frame approaching the pool, a duffel bag in his hand and aviator frames sitting on his handsome face, I scrambled to my feet so fast that I almost fell over.
When my feet were finally under me, I blinked, hard, just to make sure he was real.
His lips curved in a smile.
Then I was running.
“No running by the pool!” the pimply lifeguard yelled.
“Fuck off, Robbie!” I yelled right back.
Barrett laughed, dropping his duffel bag just in time to catch me in his arms as I leaped.
