Page 148 of Cain
He pauses for a few seconds and remains silent. I’m wondering if he’s recognized me already. If he remembers my voice.
“It’s never too late, my child. Even the darkest hearts can find their way back. If they want to.”
I try to choke my laughter this time. “You’re right.”
“I’m listening.”
I pull out my lighter and drag my thumb across the wheel. Sparks pop near my fingers. “I killed a man. Another one. Actually, I’ve lost count of how many lives I’ve taken.”
He clears his throat. “Why? Did you believe you had no other choice?”
I smile and keep my gaze on the sparks. “Oh, I had choices. I could’ve walked away. I could’ve ignored the way their existence scraped at something inside me. But I didn’t. I hunted them because their deaths filled me with control. It’s the only time the noise in me shuts the hell up. All that military training taught me to kill clean, quick, professional—like some noble soldier in a war.” I pause for a few seconds, letting the silence stretch around us. “Cute. But I didn’t want it clean. I wanted it messy; I wanted to feel every second of it. I slit their throats, chopped off their heads, blew their skulls apart, and laughed as they choked on their blood, twitching until they finally gave up.”
He’s silent for a moment as if he’s contemplating. Reminiscing. Then, he finally speaks again.
“God forgives even the darkest among us. But forgiveness doesn’t erase the past.” I hear the faint shift of cloth. “You say their deaths gave you peace?” I hum, agreeing with his statement. “Do you regret any of these actions?”
The answer is no—that’s a word that doesn’t exist in my vocabulary.
I ignite the flame, watch it burn, and stare into it. “Sometimes I wonder, Father. Do you really believe that all souls deserve to be saved? Even the darkest ones?”
He exhales slowly. “I believe so, yes. As long as you ask for forgiveness, His house and arms will always be open for you.”
I’m breaking through to him. I know it. I can feel it. “Do you believe you can actually escape the darkness and the void once it’s clawed inside you?”
He hesitates again. “No one escapes. We just learn to live with what we’ve let in.” He pauses. “Some of us try to make peace with it. Others … pretend the collar is enough.”
“Are you also a sinner, Father?”
“Aren’t we all?”
I straighten my leather jacket, pulling out my gun.
“Before I leave … may I know the name of the man who knows all of my dirty secrets and filthy truths?”
He hesitates yet again. “I’m Father Gabriel.”
“Gabriel.” I snigger, letting the name vibrate on my tongue for a bit longer. “How poetic … the archangel who delivered God’s most important messages with unwavering faith. Tell me, Father. Will you carry my secrets with the same devotion?”
“I am not God. I only listen.”
“So will you?” I growl.
“Your secrets are safe with me.”
I chuckle before getting up. “Well, it was a pleasure talking to you.”
“Any time.”
I step out of the booth and linger for a few seconds, holding my breath without making a sound. I want to see if the instincts are still there. If he remembers what it’s like to be alert all the time, or if he’s gotten rusty.
He mirrors my posture and remains silent.
He bores me to death.
I kick the door open and raise the gun, aiming it straight at him.
“Hello, cousin.” I smirk, cocking a brow. He’s not surprised at all. Good job.
