Page 48 of Freaks
Sera huffed out a rattle of disbelieving laughter. “What is it with you guys and the whole, ‘my word is my bond’ thing? You’re hardly upstanding members of the community.”
“No. We’re criminals. The worst fucking kind. We rob, and we cheat, and we steal people’s lives. But when we promise we will or we won’t do something, you can bet your ass we’ll keep that promise. Every single time. Our word is our only currency in trust.”
Sera stared, her gaze skipping over me, as if she couldn’t really focus properly; Sloane must have dosed her with the really good stuff. “If you’re not here for me, then whyareyou here, Zeth Mayfair?”
I pouted, running my tongue over my teeth. “Is Fix taking care of the body?”
“What?”
“Is the priest taking care of Carver’s body right now? Is that why he’s not here?” That would be the only reason good enough for me to leave the woman I loved alone in a hospital bed.
She blinked, looking down as she tugged at the sheet covering her legs. “He’s…dealing with the situation. But that’s none of your concern. You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I don’t have to answer your question,” I said sharply. The glare she sent my way could have flayed a man alive. “But since you asked so nicely…I’m here because of a woman.”
“Have you been paid to kill her, too?”
“No.” My history with Sloane was far more complicated than that. I didn’t want her dead. Far from it. But Ihadwronged her. Wronged her in a way that kept me up at night, pacing the warehouse, running my hands through my hair like a fucking guilty teenager.
Sera let her head fall back against the pillows. She was plainly exhausted. If Charlie hadn’t bought the text I’d sent him, proving that the woman was dead, I would easily have been able to rectify the situation now. Ending her life would have been a moment’s work, with her laid here, half out of her mind on morphine, incapacitated by a serious injury. “Somehow, I can’t imagine a man like you knows what it is to love another human being,” she said.
“I never said I was in love with her,” I fired back. God, the very fucking idea of something so preposterous. It was laughable. But still…the fact that she’d made such a statement irked me. “That’s interesting, though. You can imagine that Fix is in love with you?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Iknowhe loves me.”
“What makes you think he and I are so very different? We’re both in the same line of work. We both have blood on our hands.”
She stared at me. Stared through me. Her mouth remained firmly closed.
“He and I share many similar attributes,” I continued. “If you know he’s capable of love, then it stands to reason that I would be, too.”
“Fix keeps saying the same thing. He keeps saying you’re both so alike, but I see a world of difference. He isn’t shut down. He hasn’t shut the world out. His heart...” She paused. “Hehasa heart. Maybe you do, too, but you’ll never allow anyone to touch it. To find a home within it.” She squinted, her eyes distant and glazed over as she searched my face.
My mouth twisted into an unpleasant smile. No one spoke to me the way she was speaking to me. No one fucking dared. She was pretty fucking observant for someone in her position, though. I didn’t want to admit that she was right, but her words struck something inside me that I didn’t want to deal with right now. “I think I should probably be on my way, Sera Lafferty.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “But first…why did you say that to me? Back in that stairwell. You told me I was the one who was no good for Fix.”
I thought about leaving this particular question to eat away at her, but then I changed my mind. What would be the point? I smirked, placing my hands on the railing at the end of the gurney, leaning my weight against it. “Women like you are dangerous to men like us. Fix’s heart was probably just as dysfunctional as mine before he laid eyes on you. He was probably just as angry as me. And then you came along and took all of that away from him. You made him weak. You made him mortal again. Now, he’s no longer untouchable.”
She processed the words—I could see her doing it. She appeared to consider her response carefully before she answered me. “And do you honestly think he would have it any other way? You think he would choose to go back to the way he was before he knew me, if he could?”
The smile froze on my face. “I know he wouldn’t. Andthatis precisely why you’re dangerous. Because, once men like us fall into bed with women like you, the world could set alight and burn for the rest of time. Society could crumble and fall into ruin, we wouldn’t care, so long asyouwere safe.”
Sera’s expression softened. She closed her eyes, breathing out steadily down her nose. “Then I apologize. I was wrong about you just now, Zeth Mayfair. Youdoknow what love is. I can hear it in your voice. The only difference between you and Felix is that you’re just not ready for it yet.”
EIGHTEEN
SERA
THREE WEEKS LATER
I was healing up nicely, though I still ached from time to time. My stomach throbbed, reminding me to take it easy if I tried to take on too much, but other than that I felt stronger and stronger every day.
I hadn’t told Fix about Zeth appearing at the hospital the night of Sadie’s…or ratherJulia’sattack. On one hand, I couldn’t be sure that Zethhadactually been there. I’d been drugged up to my eyeballs, and everything had seemed so surreal and strange that I couldn’t have been sure I hadn’t imagined the conversation. Then there was the possibility that Fix might try to go after Zeth. If he knew the guy was aware of our presence here in Seattle, he might see him as a threat to my safety and hunt him down. I’d had enough violence and bloodshed recently to last me a lifetime. I’d tell him one day, when we’d figured out what we were going to do with ourselves now that Sadie was out of the picture and there were no more contracts out on my life. Until then, I was going to enjoy the comfortable albeit weird existence we had now fallen into.
Things were never going to be what anyone else might call normal for us.
The foundations of our relationship had been formed during a time of intense unrest and fear, and now our existence together felt strange, as if we were holding our breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Could things be this calm for us now? Could they ever be simple? I’d be a fool to believe they would be.
