Page 22 of Freaks
His head dropped. A pained, desolate sound came out of him as he slowly turned around. My breath caught in the back of my throat when I saw his expression. He was on fire. Made of it. Consumed by it. Devoured by it and yet constructed from it at the same time. His eyes bore down deep into me as he stepped forward.
“You want to see inside me when I tell you that?” he asked. His stance was menacing, his profile stiff and uncompromising, but I could see that he wasn’t doing it to frighten me. He was trying to hold himself together. His handsome face was bruised from brawling at The Barrows, and the stubble at his jaw was now the beginnings of a beard, not to mention that his dark, thick hair was wild and out of control, but somehow his unkempt, disheveled appearance made him evenmoreattractive.
I stood up straighter. “Yes. I do.”
“Then come here.”
The four steps required to bring me in front of him were the hardest four steps I’d ever taken. I wanted to stay rooted to the spot, feet firmly planted on the ground, a safe distance from the man who had the ability to turn my world so radically upside down. He was throwing down the gauntlet, though, it was obvious. He wanted to know if I reallydidwant this. He wanted to know if I could stare down the barrel of the gun, look hell right in the eye, face down the storm, climb the mountain, stand at the edge of the cliff face, and…
…leap.
I refused to look away as he fixed his blistering attention on me. The intensity of his gaze could have reduced another to cinders, but I wasn’t the weak, vulnerable, frightened girl I could have easily been. I’d forced myself to face my fears head-on at an early age, and I’d never stopped. I was used to accepting my fear. I knew how to shape it, learn from it, and, eventually, overcome it. I wasn’t going to back down, no matter how hard he tried to scare me with the truth.
“Say it again,” I whispered.
Fix placed his hands on my hips, his eyelids lowering as he glanced down at my mouth. When he looked up, I watched, awed, as everything came crashing down. I hadn’t realized how high and how thick Fix’s walls were, kept in place every waking second of every waking day, in order to keep the world out…and himselfin.
Now, those walls were gone. It was all there, plain as day for me to see. His pain, his own fear, the anger and the undeniable violence that lived inside him. His extreme need for me that bordered on obsession. But then, the deep, penetrating love that promised heady oblivion. He wanted me more than anything else on earth. He would protect me. He would care for me until he drew his last breath. All of it warred openly on his face, each aspect of him battling for supremacy over the other.
Slowly, he lifted his hands from my hips and cupped my face with them instead. “I love you, Sera. I have for a while now. I’m sorry if that frightens you.” His words were a caress that ran along the length of my spine; I shivered, unable to stop myself.
“It doesn’t frighten me,” I whispered.
“It fucking should. This isn’t a let’s-date-and-see-where-life-takes-us deal, Sera. This is all or nothing. This is to the ends of the fucking earth and back. This is giving all, giving everything, total fucking surrender. Total victory, and total defeat. There is no going back from it. Not ever. So, I want you to really think this through. Really fucking understand. Don’t you dare tell me you lovemeunless—”
“I do.” The words were out before I could do anything, to barricade them behind my teeth. “Idolove you.”
His hands dropped to his sides, his eyes widening. He looked astonished. “Sera…”
“You’re not the only one who doesn’t do half measures, Fix,” I said. “You don’t have to be the only one who feels too much all the time. I had to feel so little for so long that I swore to myself I would never allow that to happen again. So, I’ll love you as fiercely as the sun fucking burns, and you’ll have to fucking like it, because you did this, Felix. You made me love you just as much as you love me, and it’s never going to go away now.I’mnever going to go away. This is it.”
When his mouth met mine, his kiss branded me, down into my soul. It marked the end of anything that had come before. My shitty childhood. The fear that I’d conquered, but that had left a dirty smear on my soul. The days and nights I’d spent alone, wondering if life was ever going to catch up with me, or if death was going to find me first. All of it was brushed away with the touch of his lips and his arms crushing me to him. I’d done it. For better or for worse, we were more than just Fix and Sera, now. We were far more than that, unbreakable and indestructible, and heaven help anyone who tried to fuck with us.
Fix’s chest was rock solid as he held me against him; he was the embodiment of strength and safety. He was a fortress made out of bone and muscle, and against all the odds I’d found myself a home within that fortress. He made a rumbling, vibrating sound deep in his chest as he pulled back to take me in, his quicksilver eyes evaluating and assessing.
“There’s something I have to do,” he said. “Something you’re not going to like. I want you to come with me, though. I don’t want to let you out of my sight. It’s not going to be easy. Think you can handle it?”
I stole myself, taking a deep breath. If Fix said something wasn’t going to be easy, then it was going to beinsanelydifficult, but I nodded anyway. “If you think I can, then I don’t see why not.”
His pulse hammered under his skin against my fingertips as he sighed, the muscles jumping in his clenched jaw. “I would have said no a couple of weeks ago, but you continue to surprise me, Angel. I don’t think there’s a thing you couldn’t handle if you set your stubborn mind to it.”
NINE
FIX
Committing a crime was much easier when you were accompanied by a woman. People didn’t look at you with suspicion clouding their eyes. They saw what they wanted to see: a young couple in love, holding hands, walking down rain-soaked streets, whispering in each other’s ears as they made their way home from a bar or a romantic dinner.
That wasn’t actually too far from the truth. Sera and I had grabbed a bite to eat at the penthouse and I’d poured us a shot of tequila each—hopefully the liquor was going to calm Sera’s jangling nerves—and now wewerea love-struck couple, leaning into each other and whispering conspiratorially as we hurried our way through the streets of Brooklyn. We weren’t heading home though, back to our beds, where we’d lazily make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
We were looking for a car to boost.
I found the perfect vehicle five blocks from the Gas and Electrical Works—an average looking sedan with a scuffed bumper and tags that were in date. The Ford was at least eight years old, too, and didn’t have the keyless entry most new cars were fitted out with. I popped the lock within seconds, pocketing the short length of wire and the rounded metal hook I’d brought along specifically for this purpose, and Sera hummed.
“Is it wrong that I find that incredibly hot?” she asked.
I tried not to smirk like an asshole, but it was tough. Mostly because Iwasan asshole. “Which part?”
She shrugged. “Most guys don’t even know how to change a lightbulb these days. You made that look far too easy. Not that I’m condoning grand theft auto, but it’s pretty damn sexy watching you work, Mr. Marcosa.”
