Page 25 of Love On Deck
“Hey, now, no. You love baseball. Play with a newfound happiness.” Andrew’s lips skim Connor’s shoulder blade. “Just keep in mind that there’s someone out there—that’d be me, in case you were wondering—who’s on your side, who’s rooting for you.
“Think of our clandestine meetings as special rewards for getting through six weeks’ worth of games. I should be able to fly out that often, all right?”
Connor nods. “I don’t know what to say. Except I’m paying for half your flights and hotel stays.”
“I can live with that.”
“Let’s go eat. I’m hungry again.”
“We could see if Casey and Will have eaten. Meet them for lunch. Share the news.”
Connor stills. Of course they were going to tell Casey and Will. “That’s a great idea.”
“I hear a but,” Drew says and sighs. He rolls away.
Connor shifts to sit up, knees to chest, hugging his legs. His heart begins fluttering. “Yeah. The thing is…Casey doesn’t know I’m gay.”
“She doesn’t? I thought you just didn’t want her to know about us.”
“Well, I didn’t.” Connor shakes his head. His stomach churns. He may as well come clean now. “Because then I’d have had to explain that I’m gay and I’ve been afraid to tell her for years.”
“Okay. Things are definitely starting to make more sense now.”
“I’m sorry, I just…I was scared. Still am. Are you mad? Does this negate our deal?”
Drew sighs, but Connor feels fingers along his calf and looks to see Drew taking his hand. “No, I’m not mad. Mostly I’m sad that such a sweet guy has to go to such lengths to protect himself. I’m sad that you’ve been afraid to tell your sister about this very important aspect of your being. But hear me now and hear me good.”
Drew catches Connor’s gaze, holds it. His tone means business.
“You know how I feel about you. That hasn’t changed, but if we’re going to be together, first of all, you have to come out to your sister. You don’t have to come out to the rest of the world. But this relationship cannot be a secret from your sister.”
“No, I know. I’ve wanted to, but…” The fear of her reaction is already creeping its tendrils around his gut and tightening. He takes a breath. “She’s my only family, you know, and…”
“She knows I’m gay, Connor,” Drew says. “She’s never said a derogatory thing. We’ve even had conversations about queer issues. She’s not going to care. I promise.”
“But you don’t know how we were raised. My grandmother hated homosexuality with a passion that bordered on fanaticism. Those crazy religious zealots you see on the news? Yeah, that was Baba. Casey adored Baba.
“She may have accepted you, but sometimes it’s different when it’s your own blood.”
Drew sighs. “Connor, I want to be with you more than I can say, but I’m not so invested that I can’t walk away. It’s harsh, I know, but your sister knowing about you and about us is non-negotiable. I’m not going to conduct a relationship from a closet. I won’t do it. Not even for you.”
Connor grimaces, but he understands completely. “I’m committed to this, I promise. I’m gonna tell her, but it’s been this thing hanging over me for forever.”
“All right.”
“I’ll go now, in a few minutes.” He takes a breath. He’ll just go do it. No sense in waiting, wedding or not. Like removing a bandage. He’ll just rip it off and endure the sting. Or the excruciating pain. “But what’s two?”
A crease forms on Drew’s forehead. “What’s two what?”
“You said if we’re going to be together, first I had to tell Casey. What comes after that?”
“Oh, yeah. Two is no more secrets. If there’s anything else you’re hiding, tell me now and it’ll fall into the water under the bridge. If it comes out later, we’ll definitely be having words.”
Connor squeezes Drew’s hand. “Fair enough. There’s nothing else, I promise.” He lets go and scoots off the bed. His fingers tremble as he wakes up his phone and calls Casey.
“Hi, Case…listen, I need to talk to you...”
Drew hugs him from behind.
